


Somewhere in Neverland

by HeartnArrow



Series: Somewhere in Neverland [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic Language, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Minor Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:33:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 51,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartnArrow/pseuds/HeartnArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What do you think people at school would say if they found out about you and I?” Luke asked him. </p><p> Ashton was silent for a while, not wanting to admit what could happen to their popularity. </p><p> </p><p> “I think we both know what would happen. I’m not ashamed of you Luke, nor my feelings for you but you and I both know kids at school would give us shit if we came out. And I honestly wouldn’t be able to handle that.”</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes met, Ashton was so vulnerable in that moment, he had never seen him that way. But he liked this side of him. He was sweet and caring and kind and honest and open and Luke felt like he could just maybe fall in love with this side of him.</p><p> or high school lashton au where best friends, ashton and luke hook up at a party and everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If My Heart's Gonna Break

_“You got me in the mood, mood_

_I’m scared_

_But if my heart’s gonna break before the night will end_

_I said, ooh, ooh we’re in danger_

_Sleeping with a friend, sleeping with a friend.”_

_\- Neon Trees_

“You’re coming to my party tonight?” Ashton asked Luke as he put his books away in his locker. He acted like he didn’t care about grades and school but in reality he would stay up all night studying for tests. Luke was the only person who knew that. They had been best friends since primary.  


“Course, wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Luke said with a smile.  


“You ready for a crazy party tonight!” Calum shouted as he appeared out of nowhere. They all nodded their heads as Michael joined them. It was the first week of their senior year and what better way to celebrate it than having a huge party?  


“Lukey!” a female voice squealed as the brunette wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist.  


“We’re going to the party together, right?” Michelle asked him.  


“Course, babe.” He pecked her lips, feeling absolutely nothing. He never had felt anything when he kissed any girl, he just assumed that was normal, that he wasn’t supposed to feel something.  


“I gotta go, I’ll see you tonight,” Michelle said as she gave Luke a goodbye kiss on the cheek.  


“Remind me again how you scored her?” Calum joked as he watched the brunette leave.  
No one could deny Michelle was hot, she was absolutely beautiful and could be a model if she wanted to. With her long brunette hair and big blue eyes, and perfect body she was without a doubt the most beautiful girl in the school, along with the most popular. But so was Luke, and Ashton, and Michael, and Calum. They were in the popular group, the group that everyone wished they were in. Every girl wished to date them while all the guys wished to be them. They began making their way out of the school, greeting people here and there.  


“Did you see how hot Michelle looked today?” Calum commented. Luke smirked nodding his head.  


“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.” The boys had made their way to the parking lot.  


“Yeah, and you’re the one who was stupid enough to be in an open relationship with the hottest girl at school,” Calum jeered. The others boys laughed and Luke knew he was right. He wasn’t looking for love, he was not even eighteen, why race it? He didn’t see the point of being tied down to someone. There was one rule they had, they would not hook up with each other’s friends because that always lead to a bitch fight.  


“We’ll see you tonight,” Michael and Calum called as they went to their cars. Luke jumped in shotgun while, Ashton took the driver’s seat.  


“You’re going to help me set up for the party, right?” Ashton asked. The blonde turned to him smiling.  


“S’not like I have anything better to do,” he said as he ruffled Ashton’s hair. Ashton groaned as he fixed the bandana on his head.  


“You know I hate when you do that.” Ashton pulled out of the parking lot, he had a roofless car, that screamed money when anyone looked at it.  


“And that’s why I do it,” Luke remarked as he stuck his tongue out at the hazel eyed boy. The wind blew Ashton’s curly locks back, making them a tangled mess while Luke's hair stayed slicked up by his hair product. They reached Ashton’s house that was more of a mansion than a house. His mom was always at work, and his dad was out of town, so it was the perfect place to have a party.  


They made their way inside and began tidying up the place. They threw the beers in the fridge along with the pizzas. Peter arrived early to set up his DJ stuff and soon teenagers were pouring into the mansion. Luke was on his third cup when he saw Michelle go off with some other guy. He didn’t care though. He would most likely hook up with another girl tonight anyway. Luke went from room to room, watching teenagers get high, make out, and do things that had Ashton’s parents been there they would have not been doing. Luke stood in the living room as he drank beer after beer. Luke’s version was blurry, he was in a hazy state. Everything around him seemed to be happening in slow motion. He had had far too many drinks for one night.  


“What up, Lukey!” Ashton’s words slurred as he slung an arm around Luke. Ashton too had had far too many drinks. Luke looked into Ashton’s hazel eyes and maybe it was the alcohol talking but he had never seen anything more beautiful. Luke turned around so that he faced Ashton, staring down at his hazel eyes. Everything around him was a blur except for his eyes. It was the only thing he could see clearly. Ashton smiled at his best friend, looking at him in a whole new way. Then again, it was probably the alcohol talking again.  


“Let’s get out of here,” Ashton said in a suggestive voice.  


Luke nodded with a smirk as he laced their hands together. Ashton lead the boy to his room which he had seen many times before. He was here practically every other day but never like this. The moment the door shut their lips were attacking each other, kissing each other with pure lust. Ashton pressed Luke up against the door as he began kissing his neck. Luke let out loud moans as his hands were tangled in the shorter boy’s locks. Luke brought Ashton’s lips back to his, snogging him deeply. Ashton’s tongue entered Luke’s mouth, sucking on his lip ring. Next thing they knew, they were ripping each other’s clothes off as Ashton pushed Luke down on the bed. They had discarded their shirts on the floor along with their jeans and only had on their boxers. Neither of them said a word as they removed each other’s boxers and Luke flipped on his back side. They were too drunk to bother with a condom or lube but it really didn’t matter since they’re both guys. Ashton didn’t even prep Luke, he just went right in, making Luke scream out in pain. The curly haired boy began thrusting in and out of the blonde, making Luke a moaning mess. Luke gripped the sheets as he begged for more. He had had sex many times before, some may say he’s had it too much but never had he enjoyed it like this. Then again it was probably the alcohol talking. “F-fuck Ashton,” Luke screamed as they both came at the same time. Ashton went limp on top of Luke and pulled out of him. They both took heavy breaths, coming down from their high. Luke locked eyes with Ashton one last time taking in every single feature before shutting his eyes.


	2. Feel a Little Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”  
> or high school lashton au where ashton and luke hook up at a party and develop feelings for each other.

_“I'll be drunk again_

_To feel a little love”_

_-Ed Sheeran_

Luke woke up with a pounding headache and pain in his ass. He looked over to see a naked sleeping body next to him. This was nothing of the unusual, but when he sat up, he noticed that it was a boy who he was naked in bed with. And that boy just happened to be his best friend. Panic entered his face as he stood from the bed, getting dressed in a hurry. He could barely make his way down the stairs. 

“Morning Luke,” Ashton’s sister, Lauren greeted. 

“Morning,” he said with a fake smile. He was panicking about the fact that he slept with his best friend last night. 

“Why are you limping?” Harry asked. Yeah, he had definitely had sex with his best friend last night. 

“Um, I fell down the stairs last night. I have to get home. Can you not mention I was here to your brother?” he told them as he grabbed his phone and a set of keys, not caring who they were. 

“Sure, but it’ll cost you five dollars,” Harry stated. Luke rolled his eyes as he handed both of them five dollars. 

“You do know that those are Ashton’s keys right?” Harry questioned. 

“Yeah, I’ll just have Ben drop it off later. I’ll see you two around.” Luke raced for the door, each step causing him more pain. He got in Ashton’s car and drove as fast we he could home. 

Ben’s car was in the driveway when he arrived home. He had really hoped he would be working today. He made his way into his house, still limping. When he entered his house, his brothers were watching the latest football game. 

“There he is!” Ben shouted with a smirk. His two brothers watched as Luke made his way to the kitchen limping and took some painkillers. Jack sat up, muting the game as he watched Luke limp over to the couch. 

“What trouble did you get into this time?” Ben asked as he eyed his younger brother. Luke took a seat on the couch, sinking into it. 

“Nothing, just fell down some stairs,” he told them. Jack and Ben looked to each other then to their brother. 

“I know that limp from miles away, you had anal sex last night, didn’t you Luke?” Ben accused him. Jack cocked his head to the side. 

“Wait, why would he be the one limping if he was the one giving anal?” Jack asked as realization hit both brothers. The youngest brother buried his face in his hands. 

“Oh my god, you had sex with a guy last night,” Ben shouted as he took in Luke’s appearance. He had on yesterday’s clothes, his usually styled hair was a tangled mess, and he had swollen lips. 

“Who was it?” Jack asked. Unlike most families, Luke’s was very accepting. None of them believed in a god who punished people for who they loved, but at the same time, they never thought any one of them was gay. Luke stared at the floor, refusing to meet his brothers’ eyes. 

“Luke, who was it?” Ben asked as his face took on a serious expression. 

“I messed up,” the blue eyed boy choked out. He tried his hardest to hold back the tears. 

“I-I slept with Ashton,” he admitted, the words sounding bitter coming out of his mouth. His two brothers looked to each other then to Luke with softened expressions. 

“It’ll be okay, Luke. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember what happened last night,” Ben stated. Luke shook his head, tears spilling from his eyes. 

“But I do, I remember it all.” It was the next words that shocked everyone, even Luke himself. 

“I liked it.” 

* * * 

Ashton woke up with a massive hangover. He rolled over to realize he was naked but he was alone in his bed. He sat up as he looked around the room for any trace of evidence of what had happened the previous night. He removed his sheets and saw something shiny on the bed. He picked it up, examining it. There was no doubt about it, it was Luke’s lip ring. His hands began shaking as memories of last night came shooting back to him. The way Luke looked at him. The way Luke kissed him. The way he kissed him back. The way Luke sounded when he came. The way he enjoyed it. Ashton set Luke’s lip ring on his bed stand and threw on sweatpants, not bothering to throw a shirt on. He made his way downstairs. Luke probably forgot what happened last night and if he did remember, he probably regretted it. So Ashton decided he wouldn’t bring it up. He would file it under the it never happened folder. Ashton looked around the house realizing what a mess it was. There were beer bottles everywhere along with panties and empty pizza boxes. He took a seat at the island. His mom didn’t work weekends but was at some business meeting today. Sundays were the only days he really saw his mom. He didn’t mind it though. He had never had a great relationship with his mom. There was a knock at the door and Harry raced out of his seat to get the door. 

“Ashton’s the door for you.” Ashton walked over to the door to find his girlfriend, Katie. She was all dressed up in a skirt, with her hair straightened and her makeup done. 

“Right, we had plans for lunch,” Ashton said as he rubbed his eyes. She nodded her head. 

“I’ll be right back, you can wait in the kitchen.” Katie stood in the kitchen while Ashton ran to his room to change. He had totally forgotten he had planned a double date with Luke and Michelle. He changed into black skinny jeans and a Bring Me The Horizons shirt. He grabbed his phone, sending a quick text to Luke that he’d be there soon and went to the kitchen. Katie smiled when she saw Ashton and they made their way to the door. 

* * * 

Luke and Michelle had been waiting at the diner for ten minutes when Ashton and Katie finally showed up. Seeing Ashton only reminded him of last night. The way his lips were swollen from kissing, from kissing him. He wondered if he remembered anything about last night and wasn’t sure if he wanted him to or not. Ashton and Katie took a seat in their booth. 

“How was the party?” Katie asked as she grabbed a menu. She had straight blonde hair and stunning blue eyes. 

“It was good,” Michelle commented. Neither Ashton nor Luke dared to meet each other’s eyes. They just stole secret glances at each other. Wondering if each other remembered the night before. The conversation stayed mostly between the two girls while the boys tried their best to ignore each other. Luke kept on finding himself glancing at Ashton, remembering more and more of the night before. He looked into his eyes and was fascinated by the way they sparked. Ashton met Luke’s gaze making them both look away blushing. 

“You okay, Luke? You seem awfully quiet,” Michelle commented. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tried, that’s all.” Michelle smiled and planted a kiss on his lips. Her lips didn’t taste anything like Ashton’s. Her’s were soft while his were rough. Her’s tasted of strawberry and lip gloss while his tasted of beer and pizza. Her’s felt like kissing a ghost while his felt like kissing prince charming. Luke pulled away from the kiss, to see Katie holding Ashton’s hand. She was smiling admiringly at the two of them. It pained Luke to even just see the way Katie looked at Ashton, like he was the best thing in the world. He realized then that he envied her. That he wished he could hold hands with Ashton. That all the times he had sex with girls and dated them, it never meant anything. But last night, meant something. Maybe not to Ashton but it did to Luke. And he would do anything to do it again.


	3. I Thought of Only You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”  
> or high school lashton au where ashton and luke hook up at a party and develop feelings for each other.

_“But when I looked at her,_

_I thought of only you._

_If only there was proof I could use to show it's true.”_

_-You Me At Six_

Luke went to the ocean Sunday night. He went there whenever he needed time and space to figure things out. The blonde sat on a rock watching the waves hit against the shore. It was a rather cold night for Australia. There was a full moon and several stars spiraled across the night sky, that made Luke believe his grandma was up there, watching over him. Luke remembered all the times he had been with girls, dated them, kissed them, had sex with them. And he couldn’t think of a single time that he felt anything. That he felt that spark that people dream and write and read about. But when he kissed Ashton he felt that spark. Maybe he was just drunk and under the illusion that he felt it. But he wanted to do it again, kiss him again, make love to him again and sober this time. Did that make him gay? He pondered on that for a moment, realizing that maybe he was gay. But the thing was, homosexuality wasn’t exactly that easily accepted there. Sure, there were no anti gay laws that sent people away for kissing someone of the same gender, but it was still frowned upon by many. And that scared him, he had always fit in, been the popular one, had lots of friends. What would happen if he was gay? Would he still be popular or have those friends or fit it? The sad truth was, he probably wouldn’t. 

Ashton arrived at the school just as the late bell rang, usually he was one to be there early. In his jean pocket was Luke’s lip ring. He wasn’t sure if or when he was going to give it to him. Part of him just wanted to sneak it into his locker but that'd be the easy way out. He entered his first period, all the students’ heads snapping towards him when he entered the room. The teacher glared at him as he took his seat in the back by Katie and Michael. Katie shot him a smile. Today, she wore jeans and a crop top. She handed him a note from under her desk. He opened it, date after tryouts? Ashton shot her a smile while he nodded his head. He liked Katie, she was nice and funny but there was no spark between them. 

Luke pulled Michelle out to the commons at lunch. 

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked. He didn’t make eye contact with her. 

“I think we should break up,” he told her. She looked at him in disbelief. 

“Why? We’re in a open relationship?” she questioned, her eyes narrowing. Luke didn’t know what to say to that. It’s not like he could tell her that he thinks he’s gay. Or that he had sex with his best friend on Friday. 

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” she questioned, her eyes becoming soft. He shyly nodded his head. 

“Well, I wish you two the best.” And then Michelle was gone. Luke entered the cafeteria, joining his friends. 

“Why isn’t Michelle sitting with us?” Michael asked. Michelle and Katie always sat with them at lunch. Luke glanced at Ashton, seeing that he had his arm around Katie. 

“We broke up,” he announced. All eyes shot to Luke’s. 

“Wait, she broke up with you?” Calum questioned. Luke shook his head. They all gaped at him. 

“I broke up with her.” Ashton and Luke shared a glance that left both of them wondering if one another remembered friday night. 

“W-why?” Luke began playing with his food, his stomach felt like it was tied in knots. 

“I just didn’t feel anything when I was with her.” He found himself sneaking glances at Ashton’s eyes and getting lost in them. 

“So?” Calum was utterly confused. 

“Did you find someone else, Luke?” Michael asked. Luke didn’t know what to say or do. So he didn’t move a muscle or talk the entire rest of lunch. 

Ashton found himself in the locker room five minutes early. He just sat on the bench, staring at Luke’s lip ring. He wondered why Luke broke up with Michelle and if it was related to Friday night. But it couldn’t right? There was no way Luke remembered what happened or if he did that he didn’t regret it. 

“Who’s is that?” Calum asked ending Ashton of his thought process. He quickly put it in his pocket and looked up at Calum. 

“No ones,” Ashton stated. His black haired friend peered at him, curious. 

“It looked like Luke’s, he mentioned that he lost one of his lip rings,” he said. The brunette quickly stood up and opened his gym locker. 

“It was left at the party,” he stated as he pulled out his shorts and shirt. 

“So, Luke did sleep with someone at the party. That’s the only time he takes it off.” 

The boys looked up as more boys entered the locker room. The blonde boy appeared that Ashton had secretly been hoping he wouldn’t see. His heart leapt every time he saw him. Ashton quickly changed, hopelessly trying to not look at Luke as he changed. He had seen Luke change many times before, but never had he been aroused by it. Yet, he found himself staring at Luke’s back remembering how it felt to have him underneath him. Luke turned around and their eyes met for a moment, both too scared to say anything. Everyone was starting to head out to the field, soon it was just Luke and him. Luke turned around to head out of the locker room but Ashton stopped him. 

“Luke, wait,” he nearly choked on his words. Luke turned around peering at him. 

“You left your lip ring at the party,” he said as he pulled out the ring. Luke just stared at him in shock, wondering if he remembered that night. 

“Keep it, who knows you might end up with a piercing one day,” Luke said in the joking tone he always used with Ashton. He hadn’t spoken with that tone to him since the party. And that meant the world to Ashton. Luke was out the door the next time he looked up. He smiled to himself as he slide the ring in his pocket. 

* * * 

Ashton found himself constantly thinking of Luke while he was on his date with Katie. He kept on running his fingers over the lip ring in his pocket. 

“You okay, Ash?” Katie asked. She had her hair up in a ponytail that really brought out her eyes. Any guy would be attracted to her, so why wasn’t he? 

“Let’s get out of here,” he said suggestively. She smiled as she stood up too eagerly. Ashton drove them back to his place, his sister and his brother were at a playdate. He lead her to the same room Luke lead him. The minute the door was closed behind him, they were kissing each other heatedly. But it wasn’t the same. He didn’t feel a thing. Ashton had her back pressed against the door as she shoved her tongue down his mouth. And he still couldn’t stop thinking about Luke. How Luke tasted so much better. How Luke kissed so much better. Even as he laid himself on top of her on the bed, he thought of Luke. How Luke was thinner and taller and cuter. Even as they ripped each other’s clothes off, he thought of Luke. How pale Luke’s body was. How his lip ring tasted. Even as he thrusted into her, he couldn’t help but to think of Luke. How it felt to thrust into the boy. How delicately perfect it was. Even as he came, he couldn’t help but to think of Luke. How Luke sounded when he came. All he was thinking was Luke, Luke, Luke. And he couldn’t help but to wish that it were Luke under him saying, “I love you” rather than Katie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the reads and kudos! Please share your thoughts on the story. Each chapter has a song quote in the beginning, I tried to make the songs a mix of everything. There's a lot of alternative, rock, and pop but there's also some indie and singer/songwriter songs. So make sure you check out each song for the chapter. Also, this story does take place in Australia, I do not know much about Australia so if some of the information as far as school-wise and geography is incorrect, sorry. I'll update when I can:)


	4. We're Never Gunna Quit It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i talk about football, im talking about british/what every other country except us call football(soccer in america).

_“Oh we go where nobody knows, with guns hidden under our petticoats_

_No we're never gunna' quit it, no we're never gunna' quit it no_

_Yeah we're dressed in black from head to toe, we've got guns hidden under our petticoats_

_No we're never gunna' quit it. no we're never gunna' quit it no.”_

_\- 1975_

The week went by and the boys went on acting like nothing had happened. After the first football game on friday night, there was a party. The game ended with a tie but nevertheless, the boys headed over to Calum’s house to party. The music was vibrating off the walls and drunken bodies danced in the dark rooms. A group of seniors sat on the floor of Calum’s room. They all sat in a circle and had drinks in their hands. 

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever!” Katie exclaimed. They all agreed and Calum started the game off. 

“Never have I ever slept with my best friend’s girlfriend.” Michael, Katie, and Justin took a drink of their beers. 

“I’ll go next, never have I ever had sex with someone of the same gender,” Katie said. 

Ashton stiffened beside her, watching Luke. They both hesitantly took a drink of their beers. Their friends just stared at them, in shock. Luke met Ashton’s eyes as they took a sip of their beers. 

“I um have to go to the bathroom,” Luke said excusing himself. 

He went to the first empty room, he could feel his cheeks heating up and his hands getting sweaty. _Ashton remembered, Ashton knew,_ was all that ran through Luke’s panicked mind. 

“Luke,” Ashton’s voice said softly as he entered the room, closing the door behind him. He whipped around to face Ashton. 

“Y-you remember,” the blonde boy stuttered out. Ashton took a step closer to Luke. 

“I do.” To Luke’s surprise, Ashton didn’t look disgusted or mad nor regretful. 

“What exactly do you remember?” he tested him. They both took another step closer to each other. Ashton set his hand on Luke’s hip and whispered in his ear. 

“I remember how we kissed.” He kissed Luke on the lips, a short and simple kiss that left both boys trembling. 

“I remember how we had sex.” Ashton’s breath was hot against Luke’s neck. 

“And I’d do it again.” Luke stared at Ashton stunned, then attached their lips together with passion. 

Luke pushed Ashton against the door, taking control this time. He kissed all down the brunette’s skin as he ripped his clothes off. They made their way to the bed, disregarding their clothes in the process. Luke laid himself on top of Ashton as he snogged the life out of him. And in the back of his mind, he noted that he couldn’t taste that much beer on his breath. Neither of them were wasted but they would never admit that to each other. It felt as though, all time had stopped when they kissed. Like there wasn’t music blaring in the background or screams heard from down the hall. All they could hear, feel, and see was each other. That was all that mattered to them. 

“I wanna be on top this time,” Luke mumbled. 

Ashton watched Luke in amazement as he took control, grinding his body down on him. There was a look in his eyes that he couldn’t quite make out. It was different than any other way he had ever seen them. They dazzled, sparkled, shined. They were filled with happiness, euphoria, and desire. He had never seen the boy so happy. Deep down, he knew that he was just as happy as the other boy, maybe even happier if that was possible. Nails dug into skin as Luke thrusted into Ashton slowly then becoming more fast. The whole time, Luke just simply stared at the other boy’s back. He took in every detail of it, memorized it. How halfway down his back, he had a faded birthmark shaped like a heart. And how tan his skin was in the dark lighting. He loved everything about him and maybe he loved him, he just wouldn’t admit it to himself. The air filled with screams and ecstasy. And neither of them had felt something so amazing and so true and strong in their lives. 

* * * 

Ashton was the first to wake up this time. Luke still had his arms spiraled around him. He just looked up at the boy smiling. He placed his hand in the boy’s hair and stroked it. He remembered everything that happened last night and for once, he didn’t regret it nor feel horrible about it. He looked at Luke in a new way, he admired him. But what could this mean? If he were to ask Luke out, would he say yes? If he did, what would people think? Would people look at them differently? Ashton had always been one who cared about what others thought of him. Even from a young age, he did. One time, his cousin told him he sucked at football, so for the next years, he spent hours after school working on football, perfecting his skills. Once a girl told him he was fat, he didn’t eat for a week. He felt like he needed people to think well of him, to respect him, to hear his name and smile. He wanted to be remembered even long after he died or graduated high school. He wanted people to think of him of the cool, funny, popular guy who was actually nice. But what would they remember him as if he came out? Would he just be known as the faggot or the gay one? He couldn’t bear to even imagine a world where people thought of him like that. Him and Luke could never work, at least never in the public eye. Luke’s eyes fluttered opened. He glanced up at Ashton’s hazel eyes. He could tell he had interrupted him from a deep thought. 

“You’re here,” Luke whispered in disbelief. He was so used to people always leaving him. 

“I’m here,” he breathed out. “No one can know about this, about us.” He looked down in shame as he spoke. He didn’t want it to be this way. Luke was taken aback, the pain showed in his eyes. 

“I th-thought you liked me that way,” he stuttered, forcing the tears back. 

“I do, I want to try this out, I want to try us out. We just can’t let people find out about us, we’d be the school’s laughing stock, we would never hear the end of it.” Luke could tell he was trying to hold back tears, that he was on the verge of crying. And his heart ached at that. 

“Okay, we’ll keep this between us.” He took Ashton’s hand into his, intertwining their fingers together. They both stared at their conjoined hands. Ashton rested his head on his chest, not breaking their hold on each other. 

“Are you busy this afternoon?” Ashton asked him as he looked up at him. 

“Nope.” 

“Would you like to go on a date with me this evening?” He raised an eyebrow sending him a smirk. 

“I would love to.” Ashton reached up and kissed him. It wasn’t heated nor full of passion nor lust. It was simple and perfect, and they could both feel that spark that they had dreamed about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the reads, its amazing. let me know your thoughts, the more comments, the faster i will update. also like abigail breslin released that song about michael and like everyone hates it and says its the worst song in history but like i honestly like it, its really catch, i mean the lyrics are stupid but like the rhythm is good. anyway, have a good week!


	5. Cause You're All I Want

_“Cause you're all I want,_

_You're all I need,_

_You're everything, everything.”_

_-Lifehouse_

Luke looked in the mirror for the fifth time in thirty seconds. His hands were shaking and his forehead was sweating. 

“What are you so nervous about?” Ben asked him. Luke turned away from the mirror. 

“I have a date.” 

“With who?” 

“Ashton,” Luke said quietly. His brother smiled at him proudly. Luke grabbed his jacket and made his way to the door as the doorbell rang. He opened it to reveal Ashton. He wore his usual black skinny jeans and bandana tied around his head. His hands were shaking and it was the first time in the fifthteen years that he’d known him that Luke saw the boy nervous. Ben watched from the background as the two ogled each other. The way they stared at each other was one only lovers give. He had never in his life seen his brother look at anyone, not even family like that. He looked at Ashton like he was his whole world, like his whole world revolved around the boy with the bandana tied around his head. 

“Shell we go?” Ashton said breaking the silence. Luke nodded his head and the two left the house. 

“So where are we going?” Luke asked as Ashton opened his car door for him. 

“It’s a surprise,” the boy told him with a smirk. Luke sat in the car beside Ashton as the scenery passed by them. Ashton had the radio turned on low, playing Everything by Lifehouse. The more they drove, the more Luke remembered his surroundings, he had seen the streets and sights before but couldn’t place when or who with. Soon they were driving down a dirt road with forest surrounding them. Ashton parked his car at the end of the dirt road, trees were all around them and running water could be heard in the distance. It suddenly came back to Luke all at once, he had been here many times as a kid, with Ashton. They would always sneak out at night and play hide and go seek in the forest. He remembered there was a treehouse where they would escape to, he wondered if it was still there. Ashton took Luke’s hand into his as he lead him through the forest. Luke could see a creek in the distance and hear water running. 

“We used to always go here as kids, it was our hide out. There’s so many memories here,” Ashton told Luke. He kept on leading the boy through the forest, soon the treehouse could be seen. It looked exactly the same. The tree was shorter than the rest and bent so kids could climb up it easily, the wood of the treehouse was unpainted and chipped but it still stood after ten years, just like their friendship. Ashton let Luke climb up the tree first, he followed behind him making sure the boy didn’t slip. When Luke reached the top he saw that there were candles and a blanket and food as well as flowers. 

“Ashton, you didn’t have to do all of this for me,” Luke said, his heart swelling. 

“But I did,” Ashton said as he wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist. Luke liked, no loved, the way Ashton’s arms felt wrapped around him. Much to his dismay, the other boy removed his arms from Luke’s waist and led him over to the blanket. 

“Bon appetit,” Ashton said with a smirk as he handed Luke a plate of two Pizza slices. Luke chuckled, admiring him. The two ate their pizza as they made small talk and brought back memories of the past. When the two finished eating, Ashton laid in Luke’s arms as they looked up at the stars that were spiraled across the sky above them. 

“What do you think people at school would say if they found out about you and I?” Luke asked him. Ashton was silent for a while, not wanting to admit what could happen to their popularity. 

“I think we both know what would happen. I’m not ashamed of you Luke, nor my feelings for you but you and I both know kids at school would give us shit if we came out. And I honestly wouldn’t be able to handle that.” Their eyes met, Ashton was so vulnerable in that moment, he had never seen him that way. But he liked this side of him. He was sweet and caring and kind and honest and open and Luke felt like he could just maybe fall in love with this side of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are AMAZING!!! Thanks for getting me to 500 reads, you guys are incredible!  
> anyway, keep note of the treehouse and the forest, the treehouse is a symbol of Luke's and Ashton's relationship. The forest is their escape. The irony of how they used to play hide and go seek in the forest when they were little and now they are coming back not to seek but to hide. Please leave comments on what you think of the story so far!


	6. Stop the World

_“And I don't wanna lie and I don't wanna tell you the truth_

_And I know we got places to go, we got people to see_

_Think we both ought put 'em on hold and I know you agree_

_Stop the world cause I wanna get off with you”_

_Arctic Monkeys_

Calum and Luke sat on the floor of Luke’s living room playing FIFA. Calum cursed loudly as he once again lost to Luke. 

“Damnit! Are you cheating? I think you’re cheating!” Luke just chuckled at his friend as Calum threw his remote controller across the floor. He then turned to face Luke. 

“So, how have you been? Since the breakup with Michelle, y’know,” he questioned him. 

“Fine,” Luke said with the shrug of his shoulders. 

“You never did tell me why you two broke up.” Luke avoided the boy’s gaze knowing he wouldn’t be able to lie to his face. 

“So why did you two break up?” Luke still didn’t speak. 

“Did you just realize you didn’t have feelings for her?” Still silence. 

“Did you two get into a fight?” Nothing. 

“Did she find someone else?” He still refused to answer. 

“Or did you find someone else?” Luke bit his lip trying not to give himself away. 

“You found someone else, didn’t you?” Luke did everything in his power not to look at his friend. 

“You fancy someone else, don’t you?” Calum smirked at him but Luke did not return it. 

“Who do you fancy?” He kept on being persistent and Luke had had enough. 

“Just drop it!” Luke yelled at him. 

“Fine, I will.” 

~~~ 

Ashton snuck up behind Luke. It was in the morning before school and everyone was running around the hallways. Ashton grabbed his hand and pulled him into the boy’s bathroom. Luke let out a squeal at first, not noticing it was Ashton. The bathroom was completely empty. Luke calmed down once he realized it was just Ashton. The bathroom door had been closed behind them and locked. Ashton pushed Luke up against one of the bathroom stalls and connected their lips. The kiss was rough and passionate and full of lust and need. Luke’s hands went to Ashton’s hair as Ashton’s ran up his shirt. Soon the kiss became heated with tongues fighting for dominance and hard-ons becoming present. Luke flipped them around so that Ashton had his back pressed against the stall and began sucking on his neck as Ashton moaned out his name. Once Luke had left a mark on the boy’s skin, he picked him up, letting him wrap his legs around his waist and carried him over to the sink where he sat him down. Their tongues were devouring each other while their hands were everywhere. Ashton ground his hips against Luke’s making the boy a moaning mess. 

A noise interrupted them, the annoying noise that told everyone class would start in two minutes. The boys looked at each other knowing they had to get to class but at the same time they both had hard-ons. 

“We have to do this quick,” Ashton told the boy as he flipped Luke around so his back was facing him. Luke nodded his head, needing the boy too much to speak. Next thing they knew, both of their jeans and boxers were on the floor and Ashton was thrusting into Luke. Luke just closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Ashton’s breath. He felt so alive in that moment that he came into the boy that he was beginning to love hands. The late bell went off as the two just stood there, slowing down their breathing. Ashton hopped off the counter and pulled his boxers along with his jeans up. Luke did the same. 

“Guess we should get to class,” Luke said as he looked at the clock behind them, it was ten minutes since school started. 

“Yeah.” Luke have him a quick kiss on the lips, this one wasn’t heated but full of emotion, it summed up everything he could never say to the boy.


	7. A Place to Rest My Head

_“Well, all I need_

_Is the air I breathe_

_And a place to rest my head”_

_\- the fray_

“Are you guys going to homecoming?” Michael asked as he sat down on Luke’s couch. All the boys were over at his place eating snacks and playing video games. 

“Of course, it’s our senior year,” Calum said. “Oh, Luke is it okay if I ask Michelle to homecoming?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Ashton took a seat next to Luke, siting maybe a little too close to him. A bowl of chips sat on Luke’s lap and both went to grab them at the same time, ending with their hands touching. And even that small touch sent shivers up Luke’s spine. He smiled at the boy because he knew it was all he could do. Calum lost another game of FIFA and gave up, handing his controller over to Ashton. He sat beside the boy noticing how close Luke and Ashton were. He didn’t make a comment about it, they had always been really close little did he know just how close they really were. 

“Who are you going to ask to homecoming, Luke?” Calum asked him as he grabbed some chips. 

“I don’t know.” His eyes met Ashton’s and the way they looked at each other was incapable of comprehension, how their eyes literally melted into each other, how they looked at each other like the other was oxygen and they would die without it, how their eyes seem to become brighter when they met each others, how they looked at each other like they needed to, like they would die if they didn’t look at each other. And Calum noticed, Michael too but neither of them mentioned it. 

“You’re going to take Katie to homecoming, right Ash?” Michael asked the boy. Luke cringed at the thought. He didn’t like this burning feeling in his chest. Ashton looked to the floor, knowing he didn’t really have a choice. 

“Of course,” he said in a quiet unsure voice. He sent a look to Luke that pleaded forgiveness. 

“How long have you two been dating now? Hasn’t it been two years?” Calum asked. Ashton looked to the floor. He had been with Katie since sophomore year, he had always thought he would end up marrying her. But the way it felt when he kissed her didn’t compare to what he felt to when he kissed Luke. He felt something when Katie and him kissed, but when he kissed Luke, he felt invincible, he felt like all time stopped when they were together, he felt amazing and young and happy, he felt like he could spend an eternity in Luke’s arms, like he wouldn’t mind dying in the boy’s arms. 

“Have you two said the L word to each other yet?” Michael asked bring him back to reality. Of course they’d told each other that they loved each other every single time they were together but now that he was thinking about it, maybe he never actually meant it. Maybe he didn’t love her because if he could describe how he feels with Luke it would be love but he could never say thats what he felt with her. 

“Y-yeah.” His voice sounded quiet and distant and meaningless. Luke stood up from his spot, walking out of the room. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he said quietly. Ashton didn’t wait long to follow the boy. He followed him to the kitchen. 

“Don’t follow me,” Luke muttered as he kept walked, stepping out into the backyard. 

“Luke, stop. Just turn around and look at me.” His voice was soft and inviting. 

He turned around but didn’t look him in the eye. 

“Do you love her?” he asked, his voice hoarse. 

“I thought I did, but Luke, when I’m with you this feeling just comes over me that’s impossible to explain because no words are good enough to describe it. So, to answer your question, no I don’t love her.” Luke was surprised by his words, he looked at him in amazement. The feeling he felt in his stomach was indescribable. There were no words to sum up how amazing Luke felt about his best friend in that moment, so instead he kissed him on the lips. Saying all he couldn’t say with the kiss. It was different from their previous kisses, it wasn’t rushed nor heated but simple and sweet and Luke felt like he could kiss Ashton’s lips for the rest of his life.


	8. We'll Find a Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“I promise if you’re with me, say the word and we’ll find a way_

_I can be your lost boy, your last chance_

_Your "everything better" plan_

_Oh, somewhere in Neverland”_

_\- all time low_

Ashton entered the locker room to get changed for football practice. He was the first person in there. He opened his locker and began undressing. Ashton felt a kiss on his shoulder, he didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Luke. He didn’t move his lips but instead began sucking on the boy’s skin. Ashton did everything in his power to stop himself from moaning but in the end failed. He moaned out loudly as Luke sank his teeth in, surely leaving a mark. His eyes rolled to the back of his head with elation. Luke pulled away when satisfied with the mark he made on him. 

“How would you feel about going on a date after practice?” he asked. Ashton turned around, Luke had a grin on his face. 

“I’d like that very much,” Ashton replied trying to play it casual even though he was jumping up and down like a little girl on the inside. The door opened and a few more boys walked in. The two separated from each other and got changed. The boys went out onto the football field. The coach stood by the side of the field. They surrounded him. He ordered them to do their usual drills then split them up into two teams. Luke and Ashton were on separate teams. 

Ashton had the ball and was making his way to the goal, Luke’s team was shouting at him to steal the ball from him. Normally, Luke wouldn’t hesitate to steal from him but for some reason he just couldn’t and the team noticed how he literally just let Ashton make a goal without trying to stop him. 

“What the hell, Luke! You had a clear shot at him and you just stood there!” Jared, the team captain screamed at him. Ashton stared at the boy, never had Luke held back on the field. 

“Sorry.” He looked down at the grass feeling everyone’s eyes on him. But Luke didn’t regret it and he wasn’t sorry. And he did it again and again causing the couch and team to become infuriated with him. 

“Luke, I don’t care how close you and Ashton are, you do not let your feelings get in the way of how you play!” the coach yelled at him. When they went back to the locker room, everyone on the team except for Ashton were glaring at him, their eyes shooting daggers. Luke showered fast and waited for Ashton to finish up. 

“What was up with you today, Luke?” Calum asked him. 

“Nothing, I’m just not feeling good.” Calum didn’t buy it but he didn’t comment otherwise. Ashton finished up in the shower and getting changed and the boys left together. They got into Luke’s car. 

“You okay, Luke?” he asked him. Luke sighed as he turned his head to look at the boy. 

“I’m actually great, my feelings for you have changed, I no longer am okay with putting the team before you.” Ashton’s eyes softened and he grabbed Luke’s hand and intertwined their fingers together as a gesture to show that he felt the same way. 

“So, where are we going?” Luke didn’t take his eyes off the road once even though he was dying to look at Ashton. 

“You’ll see.” They pulled up to a drive-thru McDonalds which made Ashton confused. 

“We’re having a date at McDonalds?” 

“No, we’re just getting food here to take somewhere else.” They ordered and received their food. Ashton recognized where he was taking him, they were just there a couple days ago. 

“You’re taking me to the forest?” he asked as they turned down the dirt road. He had a smile on his face, both boys did. 

“Yeah, is that alright with you?” Luke looked nervous. He bit down on his lip as he parked the car. 

“Of course it is.” Ashton leaned over and cupped Luke’s cheek. He then pressed their lips together. It was a simple and elegant kiss but it left them both trembling. They hopped out of the car and walked through the forest with their bag of McDonalds in hand. They held hands as they went to the treehouse. 

“I like it here, I don’t know why we ever stopped going here,” Luke told him. They sat on the floor of the treehouse as they began eating their food. 

“I think it was because our parents banned us from going here ‘cause they were afraid we would get lost or get hurt.” They both chuckled, their parents couldn’t care less about them now. 

“Let’s make this our place, like where we go to hang out and talk and be ourselves.” Ashton knew what he meant, they were free here, they could kiss and show as much affection as they wanted here without worry of getting caught. 

“It’s always been our place.” His voice sounded like honey, sweet and soft. Ashton placed a hand in Luke’s hair and moved their faces closer together. He kissed his lips slowly and with so much love. Every time they kissed they were reminded of how special they felt when they were together. Luke pulled back from the kiss, leaving both of them were smiling. They felt like they could stay there forever in that moment, laughing and talking about anything and everything in the one place where they could be themselves. It was their neverland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos and reads, you guys are amazing! feel free to comment feedback to the story below.


	9. You're in My Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“Oh, you're in my veins_

_And I cannot get you out_

_Oh, you're all I taste_

_At night inside of my mouth.”_

_\- Andrew Belle_

Homecoming was nearing, it was less than a week away and Ashton had no other choice but to ask Katie to go with him. If he didn’t, people would assume something would be up, they would figure them out and that was his worst fear. He walked over to Katie at lunch and pulled her aside, usually he would go all out, getting flowers or chocolate but not this year. He didn’t even want to go with her. She smiled at him knowing exactly what he was about to ask her. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail showing off her beautiful eyes that just reminded him of Luke’s. 

“Will you go to homecoming with me?” he asked. Katie frowned, there were no flowers, no sweets, no cheesy songs, just straight up asking her. 

“Y-yeah, of course,” she said offering him a smile. She went in to kiss him but he pulled away. He made a fake coughing noise as she looked at him with suspicion in her eyes. 

“I’m sick,” he told her. But he wasn’t, he just didn’t ever want to kiss her again. 

“With what? Ebola? Now stop being so strange and give me a kiss,” she persisted. And so he kissed her, and he hated it, it felt different from the last time they kissed. He didn’t enjoy kissing her anymore nor looking at her nor being with her nor talking to her. He pulled back quickly and went back to the lunch room. 

* * * 

“Can you come over after school today and help me study for that Chem test we have tomorrow?” Ashton asked Luke. It was the end of the day and both boys were at their lockers. 

“Yeah.” They made their way out of the school and to the parking lot. They reached the car and drove to Ashton’s house. His brother and sister were still at school. They entered the silent house, going straight to Ashton’s room. 

“Can you explain the whole protons and neutrons thing?” Ashton asked as he grabbed his Chemistry book from his backpack and placed his glasses on. He didn’t wear them often, he hated them, he thought they made him look like a dork when they made him look the complete opposite of one. Luke began explaining but when he looked up to see Ashton in his glasses he stopped. He had seen him in glasses many times before but for some reason this time, it had an effect on him. It made him want to bend him over his bed and fuck him right there. Ashton noticed his stare. 

“Do I really look that bad with glasses?” he asked. Luke couldn’t understand how this boy could be so insecure, he could be a model if he wanted to, that’s how good he always looked. Luke just shook his head cause there was no way he would be able to form words with Ashton in front of him. 

“So what are isotopes?” Ashton asked looking back at his textbook and Luke just couldn’t focus anymore. He couldn’t control himself, he wanted him so badly. He shut Ashton’s textbook and closed the space between them, leaning over to kiss the boy, running his hands all over the boy’s body. He continued to kiss him as he pushed him to the floor, so that he was on top of him. He ground their hips together as his tongue explored the boy’s mouth. They didn’t rush it this time. They took time to take each other’s clothes off and would just stop every once in a while just to look at one another. They made sure to enjoy the moment, focus on the beauty of it all and how amazing they felt when they were together. Once they were fully nude, Luke kissed every single inch of Ashton’s skin and with his kisses told him the words he would never be able to say to him. They didn’t fuck this time like they did before, this time they made love, this time it meant something to them, this time they would remember it in the morning and maybe for the rest of their lives, this time they didn’t regret it, instead they cherished it.


	10. My Mind is Blind to Everyone But You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“So I'll remain within your aim,_

_until my thoughts can travel somewhere new_

_My mind is blind to everything but you_

_And I wonder if you wonder about me, too”_

_\- Lauren Aquilina_

It felt weird for Luke to go to homecoming dateless, this would be his first time in his four years of high school that he went without one. Michael didn’t have a date either but Michael never really ever dated girls, he just slept with them. He and Michael stood by the punch bowl as they watched sweaty teenagers grind on each other. And usually Luke would be in that crowd but he didn’t feel like it tonight. Calum was dancing with Michelle and he was happy for them. A slow song came on and Luke wanted nothing more than to dance with Ashton. He remembered how he and Ashton slowed danced in the tree house on their first date and how amazing and safe it felt to be in his arms, how nothing in the world compared to the warmth they made him feel. His eyes landed on Katie and Ashton. They were dancing closely and if he hadn’t known better himself he would of thought they were in love. He could tell by the way that Katie looked at Ashton that she loved him, the look she gave him was much too similar to Luke’s. And for the first time since the two boys started being whatever they are now, he felt guilty. Katie was a good person, she didn’t deserve to get cheated on and lied to but what other choice did they have? Luke felt this rage in his chest as he watched them dance, how Ashton’s arms wrapped around her waist. This pain, this burning pain was something he had never in his seventeen years of life felt before and he didn’t like it. It hurt, a lot. It felt like his chest was on fire and nothing would ever be okay in the world again. He was jealous. He wanted to be the one dancing with Ashton and he couldn’t stand the thought of them not being together. Tears were welling up in his eyes, it was very rare when the boy cried. He had only cried twice in his life. 

“Luke, are you okay?” Michael asked him but he didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He envied how the couple could be together without others questioning them. He envied how the younger students idolized their relationship. He envied how every girl looked at them in awe and every guy in ‘I wish that was me’. He envied how close they were. He envied how perfectly their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. He envied the way Katie looked at Ashton. He envied how well they looked together. He envied how much she loved Ashton. 

He couldn’t watch this anymore, it was like having your heart ripped from your chest. He went as fast as he could out the back door. Memories of him and Ashton kept on replaying in his mind. He realized then how fond he was of the boy, how he probably would die without his touch, how he thought about him endlessly, how he hated when he was with others, how jealous he got, how he felt like he could stay in Ashton’s arms forever, how much he admired him, how much he loved looking at him, he could never get tired of looking at him, how he felt like he was home and safe and complete in his arms, how he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life by his side, how he wouldn’t mind being his boyfriend, how he could very easily fall in love with the boy, in fact he was already starting to. He hadn’t noticed the sound of the back door opening nor the footsteps nor the fact that Ashton was standing right beside him. 

“Are you okay?” Ashton asked him. Luke looked up and noticed his presence. 

“Its not right,” Luke whispered so softly he thought no one would hear it. 

“What isn’t right?” 

“Ashton, she loves you and trusts you. Its wrong what we’re doing. She doesn’t deserve this, she deserves the truth.” Ashton looked at him incredulous. 

“What do you want me to do? Tell her that I’ve been having sex with my best friend that just so happens to be a guy?” he yelled his voice more harsh than he was meaning it to be. 

“What even are we, Ashton?” Luke asked in the most sad and broken and quietest voice in the world. 

“Fuck, Luke. I don’t know what we are but I do know that when I’m with you I get this feeling in my stomach and that I can never stop thinking about you and how much I enjoy being in your arms and that it weren’t for all of them, I would without a doubt ask you to be my boyfriend.” He paused before going on. “I can’t Luke because if they found out about us, we’d never hear the end of it, we would lose our friends and they would look at us differently. And I wouldn’t be able to handle that because I care too fuckin’ much about what others think about me. But at the same time I want to slow dance with you at prom or homecoming and kiss you in the hallways at school and hold your hand nonstop and not be afraid of them. But I can’t, that’s not me. I will always fear others judgement of me.” Luke was speechless, Ashton looked so vulnerable and lost in that moment. He wanted to hug him and tell him to not care what others think of him but at the same time he wanted to slap him and yell at him that it should matter more about what he feels for him. But he was scared too, he too was afraid of the judgement. Luke kissed his lips, a short and simple kiss. But there were so many sparks when their lips met that it didn’t affect them any less than a longer one. 

“How about we be each other’s super secret boyfriends,” Luke whispered in his ear. Ashton smiled wide, he couldn’t of asked for anything more. 

“I would love that.”


	11. Shrine of Your Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“Take me to church_

_I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife_

_Offer me that deathless death_

_Good God, let me give you my life”_

_\- Hozier_

Luke entered his house to spot his brothers on the couch watching football. They both looked up when he entered the room, giving him a smile. He hadn’t really had a chance to talk with his brothers for a week. Ben put the TV on mute and looked intently at his younger brother. 

“How are things with Ashton?” Ben asked. The boy smiled at just the mention of his name. 

“Good, really good.” Luke’s eyes shined and his smile went from ear to ear. It had been a while since Ben and Jack had seen him smile like that. And it meant the world to them to see their brother so happy. Even though, most families would be ashamed or mad if Luke was related to them, they were proud of him. He was happy and that was all they ever wanted for him. 

Ashton and Michael were lying on the floor, remote controls in hand as they played FIFA. Michael had noticed a change in his best friend. He seemed to act different with Katie and he didn’t like talking about her when he used to love gloating about her. Him and Luke also seemed a lot closer, Michael didn’t even think that could be possible until now. Luke had been acting different too, how he suddenly out of nowhere broke up with Michelle and didn’t even try getting a date to homecoming. Usually, he never went a week without a girlfriend. 

“How are you and Katie?” he asked him. Ashton looked over to him. 

“Good.” Michael didn’t buy it. 

“Really? You sure?” 

“Yeah, of course. Why would you ask that?” Fear was hidden well beneath Ashton’s eyes, he looked composed on the outside but he was trembling on the inside. 

“You two just seem more distant.” People were starting to make assumptions and that scared him. The world was one step closer to finding out about his and Luke’s little secret. He wanted to tell his best friends so bad about him and Luke and how amazing it felt when they were together and how he felt like just maybe he could fall in love with Luke. It was hard for him to hide this from his best friends, from everyone. He hadn’t told a single sole and it was eating him alive to say the least. 

“Michael, wh-what do you think about gays and gay rights?” Ashton asked in a timid voice. Michael was taken aback by the sudden question but answered without a second thought. 

“I think that love and marriage should be only between a man and a women. It just doesn’t make sense to me or in my religion to have same-sex couples. It’s not right.” 

“What do you mean your religion?” 

“Well, you know that my family is very christian and we follow the bible very strictly. And in the bible it states that homosexuality is a sin and love should only be shared between a man and a women.” But so were underage drinking, and drugs, and sex before marriage yet Michael did those. But that didn’t occur to Ashton at the time all he heard was, “it’s a sin,” echoing over and over again in his head, making his head pound. Ashton and his family were Christian but they were more laid back than Michael’s family, then again he had never spoken to his parents about their views of homosexuality. 

And when Ashton arrived home, he went straight to his parents bedroom to find the Bible. He flipped through endless pages, searching for anything on homosexuality. His eyes landed on a passage that made him question everything he had ever done with Luke and whether he really was committing a sin. He was suddenly more afraid than ever of people finding out about him and Luke.


	12. I'm Alright, If You're Just Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“And I wish that we could both find a simple way just to make it by_

_Right now I'm alright if you're just fine_

_But if you were a stone then I'd be the rain_

_Turn you to sand as the time slips away_

_If you were a tree then I'd be the earth_

_Clutching your roots as you reach skyward.”_

_\- ron pope(if you were a stone)_

Ashton looked like absolute hell on monday morning. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was a ratty mess that he didn’t even try to control with a bandana, his shirt was as wrinkly as an 100 year old man and his jeans looked like they hadn’t been washed in ages. He had been up all night skimming through the bible reading passages on homosexuality. Ashton didn’t want to see Luke because he wasn’t sure what he thought about them anymore. He thought maybe what they were doing wasn’t right, maybe they were committing a sin. He was at his locker getting his books when he felt arms slip around his waist. He was surprised to see Luke when he turned around. 

“Let’s not do this here,” Ashton whispered as he pulled Luke’s hands from his waist. 

“Then can we take this somewhere else?” Luke asked suggestively. 

“I’m not in the mood, Luke,” he snapped. Luke was taken aback by his mood. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. Did something happen? Are you okay?” Ashton shut his locker making a loud sound throughout the hallways. 

“I’m fine. I need to get to class.” With that, he turned around and walked away leaving Luke speechless. 

Luke was utterly confused. He hadn’t spoken with Ashton at all over the weekend, he texted him a few times but he never answered. It couldn’t of been something he did, it had to of been Michael or Calum or Katie. 

Ashton didn’t speak a single word to Luke the entire day, he didn’t say a word at lunch nor at football practice. After they had finished changing, Luke followed Ashton out. 

“What the hell is up with you?” Luke snapped at him. Ashton spun around. 

“What the hell is up with me? You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He chuckled a humorless chuckle. “What we’ve been doing is wrong, I can’t believe I let you convince me otherwise. We shouldn’t of slept together, it’s not right. It’s a sin.” 

“Do you really believe in a god that would punish someone for falling in love? That would send someone to hell because of who they love? Because I don’t. I don’t think God punishes anyone, he accepts everyone. We are not committing a sin, Ash.” 

“But we aren’t in love, we’re just sleeping around. It’s a sin. It says in the bible.” 

“Who fuckin’ cares what the bible says? it also says that teens shouldn’t drink or have sex before marriage yet you’ve never had a problem doing those things. We are not committing a sin, and we are not just sleeping around at least that’s not what it is for me. God, Ash, I’m fuckin’ falling in love with you. What god would punish me for following my heart? We aren’t doing anything wrong.” Luke didn’t realize what he just said but Ashton did as his mouth gaped open. 

“You’re falling in love with me?” he asked looking Luke in the eye, all of his anger and bad mood suddenly gone. 

“Yeah,” he said in a voice so quiet only Ashton could hear it. Ashton quickly glanced around, there was no one in sight. In one sudden movement, he connected his lips with Luke’s. The kiss was filled with passion and love, so much love. When they pulled back, Ashton kept close to Luke. 

“I’m sorry about all I said. I asked Michael what he thought about homosexuality yesterday and he told me he thought it was a sin, I guess I let his words go to my head.” He then leaned closer and whispered in Luke’s ear. 

“I think I’m falling in love with you too.” 

Ashton drove Luke to the forest where their secret neverland was waiting for them. Smiles were spread across their faces as they ran through the forest holding hands, stopping here and there to share chaste kisses. Ashton shoved Luke against a tree, kissing his lips like he might not get a chance to tomorrow. He picked Luke up and let the boy wrap his legs around his torso as he continued kissing him. And if Luke were to die, he knew that this is what heaven would feel like. The boys became a mess of moans and limbs tangling together, ripping each other’s clothes off. It was as if the world was complete, like everything was right in this horrible, horrible world when they were together. And within no time, the boys were having sex in the middle of the forest where they used to play hide and seek when they were little. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Luke opened his eyes, all he saw was the stars above him and the beautiful human being that he just so happened to be falling in love with next to him. His head rested on Ashton’s chest and their limbs were still tangled together. It was cold out, well cold to the two naked boys in the middle of the forest at night. Luke didn’t want to get up nor ever leave this paradise. He wrapped his arms even tighter around Ashton. He glanced up at the sleeping boy smiling. He couldn’t be happier. He reached up and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Ashton stirred in his sleep but didn’t open his eyes. Luke ran his hands through Ashton’s messy locks ‘cause touching any part of the boy was like touching an angel, he never wanted to stop. He knew for sure in that moment that he could easily fall in love with the boy he’d grown up with, the boy who would play hide and go seek with him in this forest, the boy who taught him how to play football, the boy that he was always able to come to when he was upset, the boy that he trusted more than anyone else on the planet, the boy that made him feel invincible, the boy that made him the most happiest guy on Earth, the boy that he wanted to spend every single day of the rest of his life with. 

Luke kissed Ashton’s forehead then went back to running his hands through the boy’s hair. When he was sure the boy was asleep, he whispered to him. 

“I love you.” He said it so quiet that even if Ashton was awake he wouldn’t of been able to hear it. 

“And one day, hopefully I will have the courage to tell you that. I’m just not ready yet.” 

“One day, when I am ready, I will tell you, and I will make sure you know just how much I love you.”


	13. Don't You Ever Forget About Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“Don't you ever forget about me_

_When you toss and turn in your sleep_

_I hope it's because you can't stop thinking about_

_The reasons why you close your eyes_

_I haunt your dreams at night_

_So you can't stop thinking about me_

_Don't stop thinking about me”_

_\- Sleeping with Sirens_

For the first time in weeks, Luke was forced to have dinner with his family. Normally, his parents would arrive home so late that he would make his own dinner or order in. It wasn’t like he had a amazing relationship with his parents where he told them everything. In fact, he barely ever told them stuff about his personal life, it was all talk of school and grades. His brothers were at the table too, eating in silence. And it wasn’t a comfortable silence. 

“How’s school been going, Luke?” his dad asked. The way he asked was as if he really didn’t care about the answer. 

“Good.” Luke wished he could have the relationship with his dad and mom that most kids were lucky enough to have. He wanted to be able to come to them about stuff and get advice from them but they couldn’t care less, always at work. He was closer to his brothers than his parents. 

Meanwhile, Ashton too was having dinner with his family. He didn’t see his mom much since she was always at work but his dad was always around. But their relationship wasn’t like most father-son relationships. All his dad cared about was how football was going, and what colleges were offering him scholarships. He would always watch over him, making sure that he practiced and worked out everyday. He cared more about his son’s football career rather than his own son. He talked to his dad about his personal life sometimes but they never went too deep on the subject. After dinner, Ashton went to the workout room where his dad joined him. He coached him along as he did pushups and situps. Ashton stopped for a water break, taking a seat on the cold floor. 

“So, school been going good?” 

“Yeah, really good.” 

“Are you and Katie still together?” he asked. His dad had met Katie and he liked her a lot. It reminded him of what he was doing to her and the undying guilt in his chest. 

“Yeah.” But they weren’t really ‘together’. They hadn’t had sex since before homecoming and they rarely went on dates, whenever she would ask if he could go out he would come up with some random excuse. The only reason that he was with her was for his reputation, so people wouldn’t start questioning him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ashton and Luke were in the hallway talking endlessly as they placed their bags in their lockers. There was still ten minutes before school started. Luke closed his locker and smiled at Ashton. 

“What about we go on a date after practice today?” Luke asked the boy. He smiled wide, showing all of his teeth. 

“I would love that.” A squeaky voice called out Ashton’s name and Katie was placing herself in between the two friends. 

“We haven’t seen each other in so long, Ash. We need to go on a date soon.” But they had seen each other, they just hadn’t had a full on conversation in weeks. 

“Yeah, sure.” His voice sounded un-enthusiastic and Katie noticed it. But she pushed it to the back of her head because she loved Ashton and thought he loved her too. Katie kissed Ashton goodbye on the lips but Ashton didn’t even kiss back. He didn’t even try, he kept his eyes open, looking at Luke. 

“I hate lying to her.” 

“Then maybe you should tell her.” They began walking to class. 

“Are you crazy, Luke? She would tell the whole school and we can’t have her exposing us.” Luke didn’t like hiding and he wanted to say something about it but they had just made up. And he hated, absolutely hated fighting with Ashton. It felt like someone was preventing him from breathing when he and Ashton weren’t on good terms. It felt like he couldn’t breath nor live without being on good terms with him. So, Luke kept his mouth shut and walked to class without a word. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Luke waited for Ashton as he finished his shower after practice. Michael and Calum grabbed their bags and made their way out of the locker room. 

“See ya tomorrow, Luke.” Ashton walked out of the shower fully dressed and ready to go. They walked to the football field with casual talk filling the air. They reached Luke’s car and drove to wherever their destination was. The Sleeping with Sirens album was playing in the stereo lowly. Luke had one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding Ashton’s hand. Ashton soon realized where they were going. It was the only pace they ever go on dates but then again, it was the only place they could go on dates. And neither of them minded that, sure they would of preferred to be able to go out for dinner or the beach but this forest was paradise to them. They got out of the car and Luke went to the trunk to grab something. He pulled out a guitar from the back. 

“Are you going to serenade me because that would be really cheesy,” Ashton said with a smile. Luke slung the guitar strap around his neck. 

“But you love the cheese.” Luke pulled his most serious face and they both broke out in laughter. They nearly skipped through the forest with happiness displayed all over their faces. They arrived at the tree house and climbed up it. Luke placed the guitar on his lap once settled. They smiled at each other, smiling so wide their faces hurt. Music had always bought them together. It was the one constant in their lives. While everything else about them changed as they grew older, their love and taste of music never changed. 

“I figured we could have a jam session, just sing random songs that we love.” 

“Sounds perfect.” 

They played every song they could ever think of and knew the lyrics to. They started out really serious, singing songs they loved by bands they cherished like Mayday Parade, All Time Low, and Sleeping with Sirens. And then they just started singing whatever came to their minds. They sang the Spongebob Squarepants theme song along with Barbie Girl and Barney. Their laughter and smiles and happiness was endless. They were able to forget about all of the problems going on in their lives and just have fun. They lost track of time and were up there for hours. And Luke couldn’t help but think that if he were to get stuck up here with Ashton for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t mind.


	14. But All My Tears Have Been Used Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright_

_I'm just so tired to share my nights_

_I wanna cry and I wanna love_

_But all my tears have been used up_

_On another love, another love All my tears have been used up”_

_\- Tom Odell (Another Love)_

“C’mon, is that all you got?” Ashton’s dad taunted him in what was suppose to be a fun way. But it happened so much, it wasn’t fun anymore. His dad and him were playing football one on one but it wasn’t really playing. He moved past his dad and finally scored the goal. His dad smiled at him proudly. 

“Good job but I think you can do better.” Ashton’s dad used to be a football player back when he was in high school and he went to college on a full ride scholarship for his football career but then in his sophomore year of college, he injured his knee permanently at a game, his career was over at such a young age. And he live through his son now because his son might have the possibilities to do the things he was never able to achieve because of his injury, and he envied his son for that. But his son wasn’t even sure he wanted to be a professional football player for the rest of his life. But he never had the heart to tell his dad that. Football was what brought the two together, it bonded them and Ashton felt like without it, their relationship wouldn’t be the same. And maybe if Ashton actually had a relationship with his mom then maybe he would of told his dad this but his dad was the only family he had. 

His dad and him went for another round and that was how they spent their Saturday afternoon. Katie called Ashton that night. 

“Are you busy tomorrow?” she asked him. Ashton was hesitant, he frankly would be fine if he never went on a date with her again. 

“Yeah, I have this thing with Calum.” He hated lying to her. 

“Really? ‘Cause Michelle told me that her and Calum have a date tomorrow. Are you avoiding me or something? Did I do something wrong?” Katie loved him so much and she thought he would be the one she would walk down the aisle with but so did Luke. Ashton still cared about her but he didn’t love her, he never did. And his heart broke to see her like this. 

“No, no baby you didn’t. Let’s go on a date tomorrow, we’ll do dinner and a movie? And I’ll even let you pick the movie.” And Katie knew he was hiding something from her but she loved him so much that she didn’t care. 

“Okay, that sounds great.” He could hear her smiling on the other side of the line. 

“I’ll pick you up at 5 then. See you then. Bye, Kat.” 

“Yup, bye Ash.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ashton dressed in his usual skinny jeans but wore a nicer shirt. The guilt was eating him up on the inside. He arrived at Katie’s house at exactly 5 o’clock. She looked so happy when she saw him. She smiled wide and her eyes shined like stars. And it made Ashton feel all the more worse. He could see just how much she loved him just by the way she looked into his eyes as if he was oxygen and she would die without him. She hugged him and gave him a kiss on the lips. Ashton kissed back numbly while Katie kissed back with every piece of her heart. 

“We should get going, we’re going to miss our reservations,” he said forcing a smile. 

With that they got into his car and drove off. The restaurant they went to was rather fancy and expensive. They sat at a small table in a secluded area and the way Katie smiled around him made him feel remorse. Every time he looked at her, he couldn’t help but to think of the fact that it should of been Luke sitting across from him on a date. He was turning his back on himself, shutting parts of him in a cage to hide. And it was breaking Ashton on the inside. Yet on the outside, he remained composed. Acting as if he wasn’t falling apart on the inside, as if he wasn’t screaming for help on the inside, as if he wasn’t falling in love with Luke. 

“It’s so nice to finally go on a date again, its been a while since we went on a date,” Katie told him with a smile so wide it looked like it hurt her face. 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been really busy with football.” He forced another smile on his face. 

“I was afraid you got tired of me or were going to break up with me.” She reached across the table and took his hand into hers. 

“I love you, Ashton.” She looked him straight in the eye when she said it and her eyes held so much hope for them. Luckily, there was a waiter near by and Ashton called him over, eager to change the subject. 

“Can you get us the bill?” he asked the waiter. He nodded and turned away. 

“So what movie are we going to see?” 

“Well, the Titanic is back in theaters for a limited time.” 

Ashton and Katie went to the movies and saw the Titanic. And halfway through the movie, Katie laid her head on his shoulder and left it there for the rest of the movie. Ashton mostly focused on the movie and his thoughts. He didn’t want to keep lying to Katie, but he knew that if they were to break up, people would get suspicious and he’d feel bad just dumping her. He wanted nothing more than to go out in public with Luke and kiss in the hallways and go to prom together. But life wasn't that simple. If they were to come out, they would lose all their friends and possibly their families. And Ashton didn’t know if he would be able to survive that. ‘Cause he cared so much how others viewed him and he couldn’t stand the thought of the whole school hating him. So, he really had no other choice but to keep pretending to be someone he was not and let himself fall apart on the inside piece by piece.


	15. Make You Feel That Loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of the many chapters i will post today. i am doing a mini marathon so keep an eye out for new chapters each hour!

_“I'm gon' make you feel that loving,_

_Getting weak all in your knees._

_Kiss your body from the tip-top,_

_All the way down to your feet!”_

_\- SOMO_

Ashton slammed his locker as Luke neared him. He was frustrated at the world. 

“Whoa, don’t take your anger out on the locker,” Luke said with a smirk on his face. Ashton stepped closer to Luke, close enough to whisper in his ear. 

“Can we-get out of here?” He let his hand grab Luke’s crouch as he said this. 

“Yeah,” Luke said with a shiver running up his spine. He nodded his head and the boys made their way to the bathroom. They weren’t alone in the bathroom, in fact there were several people there. 

“Follow my lead,” Ashton whispered to him. He purposely slipped on the floor, hitting his head hard on the ground. Luke rushed to the floor, there was a bump on the back of Ashton’s head. 

“Go get the nurse!” Luke yelled. All the boys in the bathroom ran out in a hurry. Ashton smiled when he heard their footsteps disappear. He lifted his head up slowly, holding a hand the back of his head. 

“You okay?” Luke looked concerned and maybe even scared. A smile spread across Ashton’s face. 

“It worked.” He stood up and went over to the bathroom door, locking it. 

“You feeling alright?” he asked as he stood up. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just kiss me,” he pleaded. A smile danced across both boys lips. Luke kissed Ashton in a hurried mess. He kissed him back, biting down on Luke’s lip ring making him moan. Ashton took advantage of this and slipped his tongue in his mouth. His hands wandered all over Luke while Luke’s stayed rested at Ashton’s hips. Ashton removed Luke’s shirt along with his own, discarding them on the bathroom floor. He found Luke’s soft spot and began sucking on his skin. Luke moaned out when he bit down on his skin, leaving his mark on the boy. He then picked Luke up and placed him on the counter with the sinks. He wasted no time removing both of their pants along with their boxers. In one sudden movement, Luke was lying down on the counter with Ashton on top of him, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. He didn’t even prep Luke, just went right in as he continued to kiss him. Luke dug his nails into Ashton’s back feeling pure elation. His pace quickened and Luke’s moans increased, loud enough to be heard down the hall. Both were seconds away from ecstasy when there was a knock on the door. 

“Is everything okay in there? It’s the school nurse.” 

“Shit,” Ashton muttered as he quickened his pace even more, causing them to both come. 

“Ashton? Are you okay? It’s Calum, we’re coming in there.” Both boys got up quickly throwing each other their clothes and dressing as fast as possible. Ashton laid back down on the floor and Luke pretended to be concerned as the door opened. Calum had a bag of ice in his hands. The nurse sat on the floor and took a look at the bump, not even noticing the fact that the sinks were covered in a liquid that sure as hell wasn’t pee and the soap bottle was broken on the floor. 

“Looks like you hit your head pretty bad but it looks like you’re going to be fine.” She smiled at him and left the room after telling him to take some pain medication and ice the bump. Calum handed the bag of ice to Ashton who placed it on the bump. Luke and Ashton exchanged glances and began laughing. And they couldn’t stop laughing. Luke sank to the floor, laughing so hard his stomach hurt. Calum looked at them curiously. 

“What are you two laughing about?” he asked. 

They couldn’t stop their laughs long enough to answer him.


	16. I Used to Be Love Drunk

_“I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over_

_I'll love you forever, forever is over_

_We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight”_

_\- Boys Like Girls_

Luke sat on the couch with his brothers playing the newest edition of FIFA that Ben picked up earlier that day. Their parents were still at work and most likely wouldn’t be back until late. 

“Do you think mom and dad will be mad?” Luke suddenly asked as Jack won the game. 

His brothers turned to face him with confused looks. 

“About what?” Ben asked oblivious. 

“A-about me being gay.” The two exchanged sympathetic glances and moved closer to their brother. 

“I think they would be fine with it. They’ll love you no matter what.” 

“But they don’t love any of us. They don’t care about us. They couldn’t give a rats ass about us. And you know that’s the truth.” And it was. Never once had their parents ever said those three words that other parents told their kids every night. Jack sighed deeply and placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder. 

“Honestly, if you were to come out to them, they probably wouldn’t care.” It was the sad truth but he would rather have them not care than be close minded homophobes. 

“Speaking of Ashton, how are you two?” Ben asked, eager to change the subject. 

“We’re really good. We’ve been on a few dates now. I’m really happy with him.” A blush crept onto Luke’s face. 

“Aw, our lil bro is blushing!” Ben gushed with a smile. 

“Where have you two been going on dates?” Jack asked. 

“There’s this place that we used to always go to when we were kids and that seems to be the place where we get to be ourselves.” 

They looked at Luke as though he was a lost puppy. Ben joined him on the couch and sent his brother a reassuring smile. 

“Do you think you’ll ever come out while you’re still in high school?” Luke contemplated for a minute. 

“I don’t know.” 

~~~~~~ 

“You ready for our guys night tonight?!” Michael yelled as he met up with Luke, followed by Ashton and Calum. 

“Yeah!” 

They talked about the latest school gossip and how excited they were on their way to the car. Luke slowed down to walk beside Ashton. They smiled at each other and when no one was looking, laced their hands together. They arrived back at Michael’s and settled down on the couch with chips and video games. 

“Did you hear they had to close down the boy’s bathroom this week ‘cause some students didn’t clean up after they had sex in the bathroom?” Calum asked, holding in his laughter. Luke and Ashton wore a knowing smirk. 

“Real classy,” Michael said with a laugh. Luke and Ashton held in their laughter, if they started, they wouldn’t be able to stop. 

The boys all sat on the couch on their fourth bag of chips, the empty bags lying on the floor. They had the TV volume on low and filled the air with laughter and conversation. 

“So, last week my mom walked in on Michelle and I making out,” Calum told them. They chuckled. 

“How are you and Michelle?” Luke suddenly asked. 

“We’re good, I really like her.” Ashton finished off the forth bag of chips and pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket. 

“How about we turn things up a notch?” he suggested as he put a bag of weed on the table. 

“I like what you’re putin’ down.” 

The boys took turns smoking the weed, passing it back and forth as they talked endlessly. Their eyes were getting glossy and their minds were numb. 

“I still don’t understand why you broke up with Michelle, she’s so good in bed.” The air was light. 

“You never did tell us why.” Luke tensed up as well as Ashton. 

“New topic, guess who just announced a tour?!?” Ashton said with excitement, eager to change the subject. 

“Who? Was it Green Day? I would die to see them in concert,” Michael commented. 

“Remember when we saw All Time Low, that was so fun. They were so good live,” Luke said with a smile of the memory. 

“Yeah, they were.” 

“Back to what I was saying, Mayday Parade is coming here next year!” 

“Oh my god, we have to get tickets!” They all smiled at each other. Music was what the four guys had in common. They all liked around the same artists. Luke looked the most affected by the drugs. 

“The air is so beautiful,” he said with the most serious face. The other boys bursted out in laughter. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips were chapped. 

“Its as beautiful as Susan Boyle. Can we go to her concert? She’d be awesome to see live.” He was totally stoned. 

“Stoned Luke is the best Luke,” Calum chuckled. They all nodded agreeing. 

“Can we Ashy?” he asked pouting his lips out looking incredibly cute. 

“Yeah, sure buddy.” 

He threw his hands up in the air and then wrapped his arms around Ashton’s neck. He rested his head in the crook of Ashton’s neck. 

“You’re more comfortable than my bed.” 

“Ah, Luke. I think we should get you some water, maybe food,” Ashton said with concern. 

“A burger sounds really good,” Luke said practically drooling thinking of the food. 

“Okay, we’ll get you a burger.” But Luke wouldn’t move his head from Ashton, so Calum and Michael decided to pick up McDonald's. Luke snuggled in the boy’s neck. Ashton then felt lips on his neck, Luke was sucking on his neck. 

“Not right now, Luke,” he said trying to pull him off. He didn’t stop though, instead he continued sucking his lips on his soft spot, making sure to leave a mark. 

“Babe, they could walk in at any second.” Ashton wanted more than anything to give into Luke but he couldn’t. 

“Fine.” Luke went back to lying his head on Ashton’s chest. 

“I really like you, Ash,” Luke said with a giggle that made Ashton’s heart skip a beat. And Ashton would of been fine if the only sound he heard for the rest of his life was Luke’s giggle.


	17. I Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You

_" 'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose_

_And it's you and me and all of the people_

_And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you”_

_\- lifehouse (you and me)_

Luke and Ashton went to the forest after school on Wednesday. They picked up subway on their way out. They didn’t go to their treehouse right away like they usually did. They explored the forest, wandering through the multiple trees and bushes. They held hands as they did so. The forest to them was more than just a piece of nature, it was their escape, their hideout, the one place where they could be themselves. They talked endlessly about anything and everything. 

“I feel like my whole life is all planned out for me and I didn’t even plan it,” Ashton expressed. Luke listened intently. 

“My dad’s got my college all planned out and my entire football career. But I don’t even want to be a professional football player.” 

“So why don’t you tell him?” Ashton stopped walking for a minute and locked eyes with Luke. 

“Its the one thing that we can talk about and connect on, and I feel like if I were to tell him the truth, our relationship wouldn’t be the same.” 

“You know, you’re gonna have to tell him sooner or later.” 

“I know.” 

“So what do you want to have a career in?” Luke asked him. 

“I want to be a drummer in a band. But I don’t think my dad will be too happy with that career path.” 

“Who cares what your dad thinks? It’s your life not his. You should be able to make your own decisions without constantly having to worry about his input.” Ashton and Luke stopped walking as they reached a pond. Trees and bushes were surrounding them. 

“And this is why you’re my best friend,” Ashton said with a smile as he stepped closer to Luke. 

“And this is why I’m your boyfriend,” Luke said as he connected his lips with Ashton and let his hand wander down to squeeze his ass. The boys chuckled into the kiss and pulled back. They sat down on the grass and just watched the fish swim in the pond. Luke laid down and let Ashton rest his head on his chest. Luke ran his fingers through the boy’s hair as they looked up at the diminishing sun. Luke leaned down to leave a kiss in Ashton’s hair. 

“I wish we could stay here forever,” Ashton said. 

“Me too.” 

And Luke wanted so badly to tell Ashton that he loved him but he was too scared. He still wasn’t ready yet. He was afraid that Ashton wouldn’t feel the same or would be scared off if he told him. So he decided to wait until the time was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short, next one will be up shortly.


	18. All These Thoughts Locked Inside

_“Now I'm on my own side_

_It's better than being on your side_

_It's my fault when you're blind_

_It's better that I see it through your eyes_

_All these thoughts locked inside_

_Now you're the first to know_

_When darkness turns to light_

_It ends tonight.”_

_\- All American Rejects (It Ends Tonight)_

It hurt Ashton to look at Katie. Every time they were together, all he could think about was Luke, Luke, _Luke_. He could tell by the way she looked at him that she was in love with him. And he just wanted to break up with her for good. But he cared about his reputation too much and her. So, he hung out with her more often than he had been out of sympathy but never once did he have sex with her nor say I love you to her. Ashton hated it, he hated it all, he hated lying, he hated hiding, he hated looking at Katie, he hated kissing Katie, he hated that he was falling in love with Luke and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

Katie went home with Ashton after school on Wednesday. They had just planned on watching some movies and eating dinner together. Katie looked so happy when Ashton asked her to come over after school. They entered his house, his dad was out of town again and his mom was at work. His brother and sister had a babysitter for the evening when his mom was working. 

“What movies do you want to watch?” Ashton asked her as he scrolled through Netflix. 

“Can we watch Dead Poet’s Society?” She pouted her outer lip and blinked her puppy dog eyes. She knew Ashton couldn’t stand that movie but it was her all time favorite movie. 

“Sure,” he gave in selecting the movie. He then laid down on the couch and she rested her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pretended she was Luke. 

“I don’t understand how you can hate this movie,” she remarked as the movie started. 

“It’s too sappy for me.” 

They were halfway through the movie and Katie could tell Ashton was trying so hard not to fall asleep. She began kissing his neck. But Ashton didn’t moan out like he used to nor did he smile when she did this. Instead he pushed her away. 

“C’mon Ash, we haven’t done it in like a month.” 

“I’m not in the mood.” 

“Seems like you’re never in the mood,” she remarked rolling her eyes. 

“Let’s just watch the movie.” 

“But you hate this movie.” She was getting irritated and confused. Ashton didn’t respond to that, he didn’t know what to say. Katie placed a kiss on Ashton’s lips as she ground her hips on his. But he didn’t kiss back. 

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked. She tried kissing him again, this time using more force and grabbing his crotch with her hand. He immediately pulled away and sat up from the couch. 

“Stop!” he shouted losing his temper. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Do you not love me anymore? Is that why you won’t have sex with me?” Tears were threatening to escape her eyes and Ashton knew he couldn’t tell her the truth, not yet. So he put up his facade. 

“No, baby, no. I love you, you know that. I love you so much. It’s just that a few weeks ago the guys and I decided to get tested for STDs just to be safe you know, and the results haven’t come back yet.” Katie immediately fell for it. 

“You could of told me that, I would of understood,” she said with sincere eyes. But if he told her the truth would she understand? Probably not. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Every time, Luke turned around he saw Katie with Ashton. And it broke his heart into a million pieces whenever he saw them together because he loved Ashton, and the thought of him loving anyone else but him shattered his insides. Katie sat with the boys at lunch Thursday. She usually sat with Michelle and Jessica but there she was with her hand in Ashton’s hair. Luke took a seat at the table, salming his books down on the table. Ashton immediately looked up, noticing him. 

“You okay, Luke?” Calum asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said in a sharp voice. 

“We’re having a boys night tomorrow, right?” Michael asked. All the guys nodded. 

“Sounds fun, what do you guys do on this boys night?” Katie asked as she raised her eyebrows. 

“Mostly just play video games and eat junk food.” 

“Oh, that’s boring.” 

“What did you think we would do?” Calum asked. 

“I don’t know, maybe play truth or dare or have pillow fights.” All the boys laughed. It was the next comment that only made half of the group laugh. 

“No, we’re not gay.” Luke nearly spit out his coke as Michael spoke the words. Ashton didn’t laugh either, he just sat there frozen. 

“No, of course not. Trust me, I would know if Ash here was gay,” she said with a smile as she ran her hands through his hair. Luke wanted to barf. Katie then connected her lips with Ashton’s and although he did kiss back, he didn’t look into it. Luke stormed out of the lunch room as soon as the bell rang. Ashton raced after him, leaving Katie behind. 

“Luke, what’s wrong?” Ashton asked as he caught up with him. 

“Is this some sort of game to you? Toy with my feelings only to tell Katie you love her. Do you have feelings for her?” Luke shouted infuriated. 

“No, Luke, God. This is not a game to me. You think this is easy to hide all my emotions and pretend to be in love with someone I don’t love. Well, it’s not. It fuckin’ sucks, but I do it. I do it so that maybe one day we won’t have to hide. So that I can have more time with you.” Luke stayed quiet for a moment. He didn’t know what to say to that. 

“We won’t be able to hide forever,” Luke said in the smallest voice. 

“But we have to, at least until we’re out of high school. You don’t understand, my dad will flip a shit if I told him not to mention we would lose all of our friends.” 

“Are they really our friends if they don’t accept us for who we are?” 

“Luke, my own dad will disown me if we come out. We can’t come out, not yet. Trust me, I don’t want to be hiding us anymore than you do.”


	19. Come With Me Now

_“Whoa, come with me now_

_I'm gonna take you down_

_Whoa, come with me now_

_I'm gonna show you how”_

_\- Kongos_

Luke could feel a sudden weight on his back. He felt legs wrap around his waist from behind him. He grabbed the legs and balanced himself out. 

“Hello Calum,” Luke said as he continued walking down the hallway. 

“Why am I carrying you again?” Luke asked as he laughed. 

“Cause walking is too much effort,” Calum pouted. Michael and Ashton ran up behind them. Michael had a box of donuts. Calum immediately jumped off Luke’s back to grab a donut. 

“It’s official Michael, you are Jesus! Where did you get these?” All the boys chuckled as they each grabbed a donut, making their way out of the school. 

“I may or may not have slept with one of the sophomores who sell donuts just to get free food.” Ashton playfully shoved Michael as he chuckled. 

“You’re such a pig.” 

“Y, thank you,” Michael said in the most serious voice. And once again, all the boys broke out in laughter. They exited the school and walked across the football field. 

“So, what’s the plan for tonight, Lukey boy?” Ashton asked slinging an arm around the boy’s shoulders. 

“There’s this club nearby that has local bands playing and I figured we could check it out.” 

“Sounds fun to me,” Calum said as he finished his donut and grabbed another one. They reached Luke’s car and drove off. Luke’s brothers were in the kitchen when they came inside. Ben and Jack went over to the boys and said their hellos. The boys then headed upstairs to Luke’s room. Calum flopped on Luke’s bed as soon as they entered the room. The rest of them sat on the floor with the box of donuts in the middle of them. 

“I still can’t believe you slept with a sophomore just to get us free donuts,” Ashton chuckled as he grabbed a double chocolate one. 

“Hey, it was worth it,” Michael said with a smile. The boys chuckled. 

“Do you think you’ll ever be like in a serious relationship?” Luke suddenly asked him. 

“Not until I’m like 50 and ugly.” 

“But you’re ugly now,” Ashton said with a smirk. The boys cracked up with laughter as Ashton and Michael tackled each other. 

* * * 

The boys entered the club, making their way over to the bar. There was some local band performing covers of rock, pop, and alternative songs. They got their drinks without needing to show IDs and made their way to the dance floor. Michael went over to some girl who was probably in college and danced with her. Calum danced all over the floor, he danced with every single person in that room. Ashton and Luke danced together, letting their bodies grind together on the dance floor. They held huge smiles over their faces and they let go of all the caring and hiding. And were just themselves for a night. And it felt amazing and incredible. They felt free. They felt invincible. They felt complete. They felt happy. They felt in love but neither one would admit that to the other.


	20. Maybe You're Going to Be The One That Saves Me

_“And all the roads we have to walk are winding_

_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_

_There are many things that I would_

_Like to say to you_

_But I don't know how_

_Because maybe_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall”_

_\- Oasis (Wonderwall)_

“Luke, what are you doing here?” Ashton asked as he opened the door to his house. 

“Well hello to you too,” he said with a huge smile. Luke seemed unusually happy. 

“Why are you here?” Ashton asked again. Ashton was still in his sweats and a sweatshirt. 

“We’re going on a date.” 

“And you didn’t think to tell me this?” Ashton asked with a laugh. 

“Nope, now go get ready.” 

“Okay, you can wait inside while I change.” Ashton ran up to his room while Luke stood in the kitchen where Ashton’s dad was on the phone. He hung up and smiled at Luke. 

“Hello Luke, Ashton didn’t tell me you were coming over. Should I set an extra place at the table for you?” 

“No, actually Ashton and I are going out, we’ll pick up dinner on the way.” Ashton entered the kitchen in black jeans and the same sweatshirt he had on earlier. 

“Well, have fun boys.” 

“We will,” Luke said with a smile as he slung an arm around Ashton’s shoulders. 

“See you later, dad,” Ashton called as they left the house. They hopped into Luke’s car and drove to the forest. 

“Is that Chinese food I smell in the back?” Ashton asked. 

“Yes it is.” They pulled onto the dirt road and parked the car. Luke grabbed the Chinese food and a blanket from the back and they walked hand in hand. Luke lead them through the forest, past the treehouse over to the hill that gave them the perfect view of the sky. Once on the top of the hill, Luke laid out the blanket and placed the Chinese food on it as he took a seat. 

“I figured we would watch the sunset from here as we ate,” Luke said as he took out the Chinese food from the bags. 

“Who knew you could be so romantic,” Ashton said with a chuckle. They began eating their food, which they finished before the sunset had even begun. Luke laid down on the blanket and let Ashton rest his head on his chest. They looked up at the sky as they watched the sun fall away. And suddenly, Luke wasn’t so scared anymore. 

“Ashton,” Luke said making Ashton look up at him. Their eyes shinned into each other and the moment was right. 

“I love you, I love you Ashton.” His eyes never left the boy’s as he told him. Ashton smiled wide and brought their lips together. 

“I love you too, Luke.”


	21. Just a Little Late

_“Lost and insecure_

_You found me, you found me_

_Lyin' on the floor_

_Surrounded, surrounded_

_Why'd you have to wait?_

_Where were you? Where were you?_

_Just a little late_

_You found me, you found me.”_

_\- The Fray (You Found Me)_

When Luke came home from school on Monday, both his parents were home. And they looked infuriated. His brothers were nowhere in sight. They sat at the kitchen table with paper work in front of them and wore angry expressions. 

“Luke, we need to talk to you,” his mom told him. He took a seat at the table. 

“We got a call from the school today, you’ve been late to class several times this past month.” Luke tried to hold back a smile from forming on his face. He knew he had been late many times. And he also knew why. And he wasn’t ashamed. 

“Are you going to explain yourself? This is very out of your character,” his mom said with the most serious face. 

“Well maybe you don’t know my character,” Luke remarked. 

“Luke, you do not speak to your mother like that. Now go to your room, you’re grounded for a month.” 

“How are you going to ground me, you’re never home.” He was tired of it all and maybe, just maybe he was looking for a fight. 

“Go to your room now, son!” his dad said in a firm voice. 

“So, now you’re deciding to care about me and what I do? Where were you when Jack had to go to the ER for an overdose? Where were you when we lost grandma? Where were you when Ben’s best friend killed himself? Where were you when Nichelle put a gun to her head in our very own house? Where were you?” 

Tears were streaming down Luke’s face while his dad didn’t even sweat. They hadn’t spoken of Nichelle for years, they made an unspoken agreement to never say her name again. She was their only daughter, Luke’s, Jack’s, and Ben’s only sister. She was only thirteen when she shot herself in the head one December night. She thought no one would care because her own parents didn’t love her, and how can anyone love you when your own parents can’t? But people cared, Luke cared, and Jack cared, and Ben cared, and deep down, their parents cared. Luke could tell his mom was trying her best to hold back her tears. 

“Go to your room, Luke! Now!!” his dad yelled with fury present in his voice. Luke ran up the stairs to his room. He slammed the door shut, he let his back rest against the door as he broke down in sobs. For five years, Luke had built up this wall that prevented him from remembering his sister, from feeling pain, and now here he was with his wall broken down. And all the emotions that come when you lose someone came back to him all at once. His hands were trembling and he was sweating and his breathing became rapid. He reached into his pocket and called the one person who knew how to help him. When he picked up the phone, Luke didn’t say anything at first, just listened to the sound of the other boy breathing. 

“Luke, you there? Are you okay?” Ashton asked. Just his voice calmed Luke down. 

“I-I’m having a panic attack,” Luke choked out. It had been years since he had had one, but when he had them, Ashton was the only one who could calm him down. 

“Okay, Luke, you are going to count back from five with me, with each number let out a deep breath. Come on.” 

“Five.” Luke began to slow his breathing. 

“Four.” His hands stopped shaking. 

“Three.” He stopped sweating. 

“Two.” He stopped crying. 

“One.” His breathing almost returned to normal. 

“There you did it, baby. Just think of calm thoughts, anything that makes you happy.” 

“My parents killed my sister,” his voice was monotone, almost robotic like. 

“Luke, think of football and your brothers,” Ashton said trying his best to stay calm. 

“My sister is dead because of my parents,” his voice sounded that of a ghost. 

“Luke, think of me. Tell me why you love me.” And suddenly, the panicky feeling inside Luke was gone. 

“I love you because you always focus on making others happy. I love you because even though you’re hotter than a Abercrombie model, you’re still insecure. I love you because you try so hard to be remembered. I love you because your eyes shine like the stars in the night sky. I love you because you always have others best interest at heart. I love you because you are the one person that can make me happy and calm. I love you because you are my best friend. I love you because we can talk about anything and everything. I love you because I just do.” Luke’s breathing had returned to normal and he could see clearly. 

“You feel better now?” Ashton asked in a sincere voice. 

“Yeah, a lot actually.” 

“I love you, Luke.” 

“I love you too, Ash.” 

“Now, do you mind telling me what happened?” 

And Luke told Ashton everything that had happened and then they talked about school and football and anything that came to their minds. And the two boys fell asleep still on the phone with each other. And Luke wouldn’t of mind if he fell asleep every night to the sound of Ashton’s voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably one of my favorite chapters to write. When I wrote it I hadn't even planned on Luke having a dead sister, it just kind of came to me as I wrote. In the first 10 or so chapters, I barley mention the parents but after that the parents are painted into the picture. The main theme of this chapter is basically how much a child wishes/needs the love of their parents. One's background plays a crucial part in their personality and life. When a parent acts as if they do not care about their child, sometimes that child becomes to believe that if their parent doesn't care, who could possibly care about them. Feel free to comment below on your thoughts of the chapters.


	22. They'll Tear Us Apart

_“Run, baby, run_

_Don't ever look back_

_They'll tear us apart if you give them the chance_

_Don't sell your heart, don't say we're not meant to be_

_Run, baby, run, forever we'll be_

_You and me”_

_\- We The Kings (Check Yes Juliet)_

Luke had his head leaned on Ashton’s shoulder as they watched the sun dissipate. 

“C-can we like go somewhere else? Like on a date that isn’t in the forest? I mean I love this forest but I feel locked up, like we’re in a cage. Can’t we just go to the movies like we used to?” Luke asked as he lifted his head up. 

“But what if people from school see us?” Ashton asked. 

“So what? We’ll just go to the movies as friends, we don’t have to kiss or show PDA. Just two friends hanging out.” 

“Just two friends hanging out.” But deep down they both knew that wasn’t going to happen. They hopped into Ashton’s car and drove to the closest theater. It was a friday night so the parking lot was filled with cars. When the boys entered the theater, it was packed. There were people of all ages. They saw a lot of people from their school. They made their way over to the ticket line and got tickets to see The Interview. 

“Hey, Luke, Ashton! What are two doing here?” Harry said as he ran over to them to give each the boys a hand shake. Harry was on the football team with them. He was with a group of guys and girls. Most of which they recognized. 

“We figured we had nothing better to do,” Ashton said shrugging his shoulders. 

“What movie are you two seeing?” Harry asked. Luke spotted Michelle and Calum walking into the theater. 

“Dumb and Dumber To, we’re actually running late so we’ll see you around,” Luke said hurriedly. 

“Alright, see y’all around.” Luke grabbed Ashton’s arm and dragged him over to the popcorn line. 

“What’s with all the hurry? The movie doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes.” 

“Don’t turn around but Calum and Michelle are here,” Luke said in a hushed voice. 

“Shit.” They came up to the counter and got their popcorn and drinks. They made their way to their theater and hoped Calum was seeing a different movie. The theater was pretty filled but luckily with mostly people they didn’t know. They made their way to the very back of the theater and took their seats. And they were able to watch the movie just like old times. And they were able to enjoy the movie without worrying about others. And they were even able to lean against each other with their hands tangled together. And it was nice, so nice. And both Luke and Ashton hoped that one day they’d be able to show PDA at a public place without worrying about others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the chapter is so short once again. harry will become a more important character in a few chapters. and yes, it is harry styles.


	23. But If You Love Me, Why'd You Leave Me?

_“But if you loved me_

_Why'd you leave me?_

_Take my body_

_Take my body_

_All I want is,_

_And all I need is_

_To find somebody._

_I'll find somebody like you.”_

_\- Kodaline (All I Want)_

“Do you have plans for tonight?” Katie asked Ashton when she ran up to him at school. Ashton was in the middle of a conversation with Calum when Katie came up from behind him. 

“No, why?” he asked knowing what she was going to say. 

“Well now you do. We’re going to have a special date tonight at my place,” she said with a wink. 

“Can’t wait, see you then,” Ashton said mustering up euphemism. Katie gave Ashton a long kiss then left for class. 

“Somebody’s getting laid tonight,” Calum said as he slapped a hand on his friend’s back. But Ashton didn’t seem as excited. He just put his head down and tried to change the topic. 

Ashton went over to Katie’s at five. Apparently, her parents were out of town this week and Katie asked Ashton to spend the night at hers. He couldn’t really turn her down, could he? So he packed an overnight bag and prayed to god that she wouldn’t want to have sex with him. Her house was about the same size as his but she was an only child so there were a lot of guest rooms. Ashton hesitated before he knocked on her door. When Katie answered the door, she was wearing black lingerie. It was lace and showed off her curves beautifully. Her hair was curled and she had just the perfect amount of makeup on. She could of easily been mistaken for Cinderella or a Victoria Secret model. Ashton felt a bit underdressed or overdressed considering he was wearing his usual black skinny jeans and a All Time Low crewneck. 

“Y-you look amazing,” Ashton stuttered out. She smiled wide and stepped away from the door. 

“C’mon in.” When he stepped inside, he noticed there were rose petals all around along with candles and the lights were off. It looked absolutely beautiful, like the scene came straight out of a cliche romance movie. 

“Wow, you really tidied up the place,” he said in the most awkward voice. 

“Is it too much?” she asked. Her big blue eyes held so much hope, hope for them. 

“No, it’s perfect, sweetie,” he said as he bought their lips together. He tried his best to keep the kiss slow and innocent but soon Katie’s hands were under his shirt. She pulled his shirt over his head and reluctantly he let her. 

“I missed this so much,” she said as she trailed kisses down his chest. And Ashton wasn’t at all aroused by her. He would normally be hard by now but he wasn’t even close. She reached his jeans and went to unzip them when he stopped her. 

“We can’t,” he whispered to her. 

“Why? Because you haven’t gotten your STD results back yet? We’ll use protection, it’ll be fine.” With that she unzipped his jeans and removed them. She went back to kissing him and lead him to her room where they were candles surrounding her bed along with rose petals. She laid herself on top of him, grinding her body down on him. 

“I love you so much, Ashton,” she whispered in his ear. She waited, and waited, and waited for him to say the words back but he never did. She pulled away and looked at him accusingly and broken. 

“You love me, right?” she asked, her confidence suddenly gone. Ashton looked anywhere but her eyes. 

“Please tell me, you love me. That this wasn’t just some game to you. That you weren’t just toying with me for the sex. Please tell me that all we’ve done meant something to you.” She was practically in tears. And it broke Ashton’s heart because he loved Katie just not the way she loved him. 

“Did I ever mean anything to you?” she asked, suddenly yelling. Her makeup was completely ruined now. Ashton wanted nothing more than to just end it right there. But he couldn’t. 

“Yes, of course you do, baby. You mean so much to me. I love you, don’t you ever doubt that,” he said in an illusive voice. 

“How come I don’t believe you?” she asked. She was still sitting on his chest but now Ashton was leaned against the bedboard. 

“If you love me, why don’t you have sex with me? Why did you wait to tell me that until after I started making accusations? Why do you always make up excuses to not hang out with me? Why do you keep lying to me?” She was shouting and crying and banging her arms down on his chest with anger. 

“Do you even love me? Tell me the truth, look me in the eye and tell me you love me.” But Ashton couldn’t do that. His silence was all the answer she needed. 

“Great, so you never loved me. I’ll just pick this all up and try to forget we ever happened. God, how could I be so stupid to believe that you would ever love me? Girls like me never end up with guys like you.” She stood from the bed grabbing jeans and a shirt. She threw him his crew neck as she changed. 

“You should leave,” she stated as she blew out the candles. She made her way to the door, ready to show him out. She tried her best to stay composed but he could tell she was in a world of despair. 

“Katie,” Ashton choked out. He met her eyes which were so broken. 

“I do love you, just not the way you love me. You were my first kiss and real relationship. And you did and still do mean a lot to me. You deserve a guy who can treat you like a princess and remind you of how beautiful you are, that you don’t need to be insecure. You deserve a guy who can tell you he loves you every single day. I just can’t be that guy for you. I’m sorry.” His eyes searched hers, his were filled with remorse and hers were filled with hurt and deep down she understood. She couldn’t be mad at him for not loving him back, it’s not something one can control. 

“I’m sorry too, Ash,” she said in a shattered voice. He turned around and went back to his car. Part of him was relieved he wouldn’t have to lie to her and everyone else anymore. But another part of him was scared of what assumptions people might make up when they hear of the break up. And another part of him felt great remorse for what he did to her. He just hoped that someday she could forgive him and find a guy that loved her back.


	24. Instead of Going Under

_“Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep,_

_Up above in my head, instead of going under._

_Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep,_

_Up above in my head, instead of going under._

_Instead of going under.”_

_\- Sum 41_

“Playoffs are this week!” Calum shouted as he ran up to the rest of the boys. They were all beyond excited. 

“We are going to smash that other school. Who are we playing again?” Michael asked. 

“I don’t know. Won’t matter once we’re done with them,” Ashton said with a smirk. 

“Hey, Ash is it true that you and Katie broke up?” Calum suddenly asked. 

“Yeah, we did.” 

“Why?” 

“I realized that my feelings for her don’t extend beyond friendship.” 

“And it took you four years to figure that out?” 

“Yes, it did. Now, let’s get to practice.” With that the boys went to the locker room. 

When Ashton got home, his dad made sure he practiced even more. He did this every year to him but this year he was harder on him than usual because he was a senior and colleges would be watching him. Ashton was beyond stressed, he would come home from a long day of school and practice to do more practice. His dad would make him go on runs with him, play one on one games with him, do pushups and situps, and weight lifting. 

“You are going to score the winning goal at this game, son. You have to score the winning goal. All the colleges will die to have you on their team if you just make the winning goal,” his dad told him several times that week. Ashton had two tests that week but his dad never let him study. It was football, football, football, 24/7 for him. He ended up failing both the tests and coming to school beyond tired. Luke would ask him to hang out but he would have to decline because his dad wouldn’t let him leave the house unless it was to practice. Ashton was beyond happy when friday finally came. The stress would be over as soon as he won the game. 

He entered the locker room, getting ready for the game. Luke made his way over to him. 

“You okay? I haven’t seen you all week,” Luke said with a concerned look. 

“Yeah, my dad’s just been hounding me this whole week with playoffs,” Ashton explained. He wore a stressed expression. 

“I’ll make you a deal, Ash. After this game, I’ll help you relieve that stress. If we win, you top, if we lose, I top,” Luke whispered in his ear. 

“Sounds like a deal, Hemmings,” Ashton said with a smirk. He quickly changed, motivated to win. Once everyone was changed, the coach entered the locker room and gave his usual speech. They then chanted some random song that was all over the radio to get each other hyped up. They made their way onto the field and began the game. 

Ashton spotted his dad with his siblings and Luke’s brothers in the stands, and in the row behind them were college recruiters. The nerves were getting to his head, the score was tied two to two. Luke took his spot beside Ashton and whispered in his ear. 

“Remember our deal, Irwin.” Both boys smiled and when the whistle blew, Ashton got control of the ball. He ran faster than he ever had in his life with the ball between his feet, weaving through the opposing team’s players and made his way to their goal. He focused straight on the goal and kicked the ball right into the net. The inning ended and the crowd went wild. 

“You did it, Ash!” Luke yelled as he ran over to the boy to hug him. They just held each other for a moment until the rest of the team came over to congratulate Ashton. His dad and siblings, as well as Luke’s made their way over to him. 

“That was amazing son! You did it!” his dad said with a smile as he hugged his son. Luke’s brothers congratulated them both. Ashton noticed a couple college recruiters. They shook his hand and told him how they would be honored to have him play on their team and Ashton smiled and told them it would be an honor, but deep down he just wanted to throw their cards away. 

“Dad, I’m staying over at Luke’s tonight,” Ashton told his dad once the recruiters left. Jack and Ben wore a knowing smirk. Luke and Ashton made their way back to Luke’s house. 

“Ben, Jack, I think it would be best for you two to leave,” Luke hinted when he walked into his house. 

“Okay, we’ll get out. Just don’t do it on either of our beds,” they shouted as they left the house. Ashton smiled wide when the door shot. He wasted no time going over to Luke and kissing his lips. His tongue slid into Luke’s mouth as their hands wandered each other’s bodies. Ashton picked Luke up, letting him wrap his legs around his waist and carried him to Luke’s bedroom. 

“You were so good today,” Luke moaned out as he was placed on his bed. 

“And now, I am going to make you feel so good,” Ashton whispered in his ear. He bit down on Luke’s lip as he grabbed the boy’s crotch. He moaned out in pleasure and need. Soon, Ashton’s clothes along with Luke’s were discarded on the floor. 

“I love you,” Ashton told Luke as he laced his fingers with lube then stuck two fingers inside him. Luke thrusted up, his eyes rolling back as he moaned out Ashton’s name. He added a third finger and soon Luke was moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Luke whimpered when he pulled his fingers out. Ashton laced his cock with lube and rolled the condom on. 

“Hurry up, Ash. I wa-want you so bad.” With that, he pushed right inside of Luke. He started out thrusting slow then quickened his pace, hitting him in his soft spot making Luke a moaning mess underneath him. Both boys came at the same time, moaning out louder than a siren. Ashton collapsed on top of him. They both just laid there, still on top of each other with cum all over themselves and the sheet as they caught their breaths. 

“I love you so much, Ash.” 

“I love you too, Luke.” And the two laid side by side, listening to the sound of each other’s breaths and drifted off to sleep.


	25. Tell Your New Friends They Don't Know You Like I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year! this is a major chapter so sit back with some popcorn and watch the drama unfold.

_“It's not the first time but this one really carved it in._

_Tell your new friends that they don't know you like I do._

_It's over. I wanna see you again. I wanna feel it again.”_

_\- Mayday Parade (Oh Well, Oh Well)_

Michael walked through Calum’s kitchen with a box of donuts. He wore a huge smile on his face. All the boys gathered around the table. 

“I got donuts!” Michael said in a singsong voice. 

“Let me guess, you slept with the donut lady again,” Ashton said with a chuckle. 

“How’d you know?” Michael said, faking shock. They all laughed and each grabbed a donut. 

“Did you see the new teacher the school got to replace Mrs. OldPants?” Calum asked as he bit into his donuts. 

“Yeah, she is so hot,” Michael gushed. 

“Ew, she’s like thirty,” Luke remarked. 

“She doesn’t look it though,” Calum said with a grin. 

“Y’all are nasty,” Ashton said as he grabbed Luke’s donut right from him. 

“Hey!” Luke whined as he tried to grab his donut back but Ashton held it behind his back. 

“Give it back, Ash,” Luke persisted. 

“No,” he said as he ran out of the room with Luke’s donut in hand. The rest of the boys watched as Luke chased after Ashton and tackled him to the ground. Luke sat on top of him as he grabbed his donut back. He smiled with satisfaction. When Luke wasn’t looking, Ashton snook up and began tickling Luke’s tummy. Luke broke out in laughter as he rolled over to the floor with Ashton continuing to tickle him. 

“Stop, stop,” he said in between laughs. 

“Never!” Ashton said with a smile. He let one of his hands light brush against Luke’s crotch which suddenly became hard. Satisfied, Ashton got up and walked back over to the kitchen. Luke rose up from the floor trying to hide his hard on. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Luke said as he ran to the nearest bathroom. He hadn’t even gotten his jeans unzipped when Ashton barged in. He shut the door behind him. 

“You really didn’t think I would let you take care of this on your own, did you?” Ashton questioned as he connected their lips. He picked Luke up and placed him on the sink, spreading his legs out. He placed himself in between Luke’s legs and kissed him heatedly. He shoved his tongue down his throat, letting Luke’s hands wander under his shirt. They were too caught up in the moment to hear the sound of the door opening. Michael stared at the two boys wide-eyed. He couldn’t open his mouth to speak. Ashton pulled away from Luke to notice the ghost in the doorway. He quickly backed away from Luke and tried to fix his hair. Luke jumped down from the counter, zipping up his pants and straightening his shirt. The evidence was written all over their faces. 

“A-are you two going to explain yourselves?” Michael asked as he tried his best not to judge. Neither of the boys spoke. 

“Please tell me this was a one time thing, a mistake,” Michael said holding onto the hope that his friends weren’t sinners. 

“It would be a lie if we told you that,” Luke said in the smallest voice. He couldn’t even look them in the eye. He looked at them as though they were strangers, as though they were monsters. 

“Michael, what’s going on in there?” Calum’s voice called as he neared. Seconds later, Calum stood beside Michael. He exchanged glances between the three of them. He was beyond confound. 

“Did I miss something?” Calum asked oblivious. 

“Just that our two best friends are fags,” Michael said in a firm voice. Calum’s eyes moved to Ashton and Luke as they searched them for evidence. It was all over their faces. 

“We are not fags, Michael. We are gay and there is nothing wrong with that. We’re in love,” Luke stated as he took a step closer to them. It soon hit Calum what was going on and his whole demeanor changed. 

“You’re just fooling yourselves if you think that,” Michael said as he laughed a humorless chuckle. 

“Wait, you two were getting it on in my bathroom?” Calum asked putting two and two together. Ashton didn’t say a word, his worst fear was staring him in the eye and he was so scared. Luke nodded his head as he didn’t dare look up at his two friends. 

“And get this, Calum, they’ve been shacking up for a while now, they claim that they are in love,” Michael said in a cold voice that wiped all the hope out of Ashton. Calum laughed a chuckle similar to Michael’s and looked at them with disgust. 

“I can’t believe this,” Calum said after a minute. He turned around and started pacing the living room. Michael walked over to him and slowly, so did Ashton and Luke. 

“You two need help, I have a pastor who can help you. I can call him right now or give you both his number,” Calum said as he ran his hands through his hair. 

“Cal, we don’t need to be helped,” Luke stated as he placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yes, you do. You two are sick, you need to get help. It’s not right what you’re doing.” 

“We’re not sick, Calum. We are in love and no amount of prayer or cleansing would change that.” Michael and Calum both gaped at Luke. 

“Do you agree with him, Ashton? Do you love Luke?” Calum asked, desperate to have his best friends back. Ashton stayed silent and looked to each of the boys. His eyes melted when they met Luke’s. 

“Yes, I do. I love him,” Ashton said in a soft voice. 

“You’re sick! Now get the hell out of my house and don’t think for a second that I won’t tell your parents and the whole town ‘cause we will!” Calum shouted. They both just stood there, frozen in shock. 

“I said, get out! I don’t want to catch your disease!” Calum screamed as he made his way to the door. Luke grabbed his backpack along with Ashton’s and dragged him to the door. Luke held Ashton’s hand tight as he dragged him outside. The door slammed behind them and realization hit them. Ashton began sobbing and Luke pulled him into his arms. Nothing would ever be the same. Everything was about to change.


	26. How Fast the Night Changes

_“We're only getting older baby_

_And I've been thinking about it lately_

_Does it ever drive you crazy_

_Just how fast the night changes?_

_Everything that you've ever dreamed of_

_Disappearing when you wake up_

_But there's nothing to be afraid of_

_Even when the night changes_

_It will never change me and you”_

_\- One Direction_

Luke drove them to the forest. Ashton wouldn’t talk nor look at Luke. He just stared out the window with a lost expression on his face. They didn’t want to go home, not yet at least. He pulled onto the dirt road and parked the car. Numbly, Ashton got out of the car and followed Luke to the treehouse. The sun was low in the sky and darkness was on the horizon. They reached the treehouse and climbed up it. They just sat on the wood for a while looking out at the stars in total silence. Their thoughts were running rapid. 

Ashton was still trying to comprehend all that just happened. They weren’t a secret anymore. They were out, well they more fell out then came out voluntarily. They weren’t ready, then again they probably would of never been ready. But that wasn’t the way they were supposed to find out. Ashton had hoped that they would be able to sit their friends down when they were ready and tell them in a very calm and orderly fashion. But that wasn’t how it happened. Ashton was scared of what was to come. What would his dad say when he finds out? What will the kids at school say? Will the four boys ever be able to hang out like they used to? Or will their friendship and popularity be a thing in the past. Luke on the other hand was kind of relieved they didn’t have to hide anymore. He knew something like this was going to happen sooner or later. But at the same time, he wished he had been more ready, that he could of told them in a better way. He was scared too. He knew everything was about to change and that scared the hell out of him, ‘cause he didn’t want things to change. 

“Wh-what do you think is going to happen tomorrow?” Ashton finally broke the silence with the question neither were brave enough to ask. They would return to school tomorrow and for everyone it would just be another boring day of school but not for them. Luke and Ashton would have to come out or they would be pushed out. 

“I don’t know, Ash,” Luke said in a small voice. 

“Luke, I’m scared.” 

“Me too, Ash.” Ashton rested his head on Luke’s shoulder and for a few hours they let their minds go numb and forget all about what might happen the next day. 

* * * 

“You ready?” Luke asked Ashton as they sat in the school parking lot. 

“I’ll never be,” Ashton said with a sigh. Luke wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. 

“It’s going to be fine, Ash. I love you and that’s all that matters.” He kissed the boy’s head and they got out of the car. 

“It’s going to be so wired to not be with Michael and Cal,” Ashton said as they began their walk to the school. 

“It will, but they’ll come around. They’ve been our friends since primary.” 

“I hope so.” They reached the school building as the two boys looked to one another and laced their hands together. They walked through the door with their hands connected like puzzle pieces. At first, no one really noticed, for them it was just another day of school and it was nothing of the unusual for Luke and Ashton to come in together. But then the students’ eyes roamed to their hands which were conjoined and the suspicions ran wild. Ashton and Luke just looked straight forward and went to their lockers. They heard whispers around them that sounded of their names. They untangled their hands to open their lockers. 

“I’m scared to turn around,” Ashton whispered to the boy. And he looked like he just watched Dracula ate his parents. He looked petrified to say the least. It broke Luke’s heart to see him that way. All he wanted to do was comfort him and tell him everything would be alright but he wasn’t sure if that was the truth. But then it dawned on Luke, they were out, they could be themselves and show as much PDA as they wanted to. Luke shut both his and Ashton’s lockers in one swift movement. He looped an arm around the boy and bought their lips together. The kiss was slow as their lips moved in-sync with one another. Ashton rested his hand on Luke’s hip while Luke’s were in Ash’s hair. They could sense the large amount of eyes on them. A smile ghosted over both of their lips when they pulled back. Teachers, students, even the principle was staring at them. They spotted Michael and Calum in the crowd. They had disgusted faces and their eyes held judgement. 

“Let’s get to class, Ash.” 

* * * 

Ashton and Luke walked into the cafeteria like two hopeless freshmen on the first day of secondary. They spotted Calum, Michael and Michelle at their usual table and it took every ounce in their bodies not to join them. But they weren’t wanted there anymore. And that burned a hole in their chests. 

“Ash, Luke, over here!” Harry shouted at them. He sat at a table in the back with some guys from the football team and others that they didn’t know. They looked to one another with an unspoken understanding. Luke and Ashton took a seat at Harry’s table. Harry had curly brown hair and dazzling green eyes. He was easily one of the best looking guys in the school, yet he wasn’t that popular and he didn’t date a lot. 

“What you guys did this morning, that was really brave of you two,” Harry said. Ashton waited for the but or punchline, or catch. But it never came. 

“I was never as brave as you two, I just hoped people wouldn’t notice.” 

“Wait, you’re gay?” Ashton asked astonished. 

“Yes, I’ve just never officially come out of the closet, my parents know and a few friends but that’s it.” The rest of the group looked unfazed by this like they already knew. And they didn’t look disgusted nor mad nor judgmental, they looked like they understood. 

“We weren't actually planning on coming out until yesterday, Michael caught us making out. He was not too happy to say the least,” Luke explained. They spent the rest of the lunch talking with Harry and learning more about him as they told him about themselves. It was nice for them to know someone who knew what they were going through. It gave them hope.


	27. They Tore Me Apart Like A Hurricane

_“In a city of fools,_

_I was careful and cool,_

_But they tore me apart like a hurricane..._

_A handful of moments I wished I could change_

_But I was carried away._

_Give me therapy._

_I'm a walking travesty_

_But I'm smiling at everything._

_Therapy..._

_You were never a friend to me_

_And you can keep all your misery.”_

_\- All Time Low (Therapy)_

Ashton arrived as early as he could to football practice. He wanted to avoid as many football players as he could. Not too long after he came in, Calum entered with Michael. They were laughing obnoxiously and wore huge smiles on their faces. Ashton knew that they saw him but they acted like he wasn’t in the room, completely ignoring him. Ashton had never felt so alone in his life. The door to the locker room opened and several more players came in, including Luke and Harry. Ashton finished getting changed and went out to the empty field. 

When practice was over, Ashton wanted to leave as fast as he could, but he drove with Luke and Luke took the longest to shower and change after practice. So he was stuck in the locker room while Luke showered. He surveyed the room, studying everyone. Michael and Calum seemed to be going about their lives as if nothing happened, like they never knew Ashton. And that hurt Ashton like hell. A group of boys came back from the showers with just their towers wrapped around their waists. 

“Irwin, I think we’re going to need you to leave while we change. We don’t want any fags in here, you’d probably get a hard on just by looking at us now,” Brian said in a voice that tasted like venom. Michael and Calum heard this conversation, but they didn’t stand up for him, instead they laughed, they fucking laughed. Ashton just sat there on the bench trying his best to keep his composure. Nate took it a step farther by stepping closer to Ashton, putting his face right against his ear. 

“Is there a problem, Ashton?” Nick joined in, standing next to him. 

“But Nate, there is a problem. Ashton here is a fag who needs Jesus so badly,” he said in a cold mocking voice. 

“Why don’t we help him, Nate?” Ryan said as a smirk took over his face. 

“What do you have in mind?” They looked at one another like criminals planning their next kill. 

“You know, just a little physical contact to remind him who he really should be loving.” With that, Nick picked Ashton up by the collar of his shirt, raising him in the air. The other boys came in closer and smirked at each other. Michael and Calum had been far gone by then. But Ashton doubted they would of helped if they were there. Nick used his leg to knee Ashton right in the gut. He screamed out in pain, only for his mouth to be covered by Ryan’s hand. 

“Can’t have Luke hearing you, can we?” He said with a devilish smile. With one movement, Nick threw Ashton right into the lockers. Nick was the biggest guy on the team, so it was quite easy for him to do, well anything. Ashton hit the lockers with a bang that echoed off the walls. 

“Shit Nick, so much for being quiet.” 

“Let’s get out of here before the other fag finds us.” 

Ashton’s head pounded and he felt dizzy and like he was going to throw up. He had an excruciating pain in his gut, he felt like someone had shoved a knife into his stomach. He heard running and soon enough, Luke was right beside him. He looked around the now empty hate filled locker room. His eyes then landed on Ashton. He ran to him, wrapping his arms around the boy. 

“Oh my god Ash, what happened?” Luke asked. He had only had time to throw on his jeans. But Luke knew what happened, he just didn’t want to admit that people could be that horrible, that their own teammates could be that horrible. When Ashton went to speak, he broke out in heavy sobs. Luke took the boy into his lap and let him cry into his shoulder. They stayed like that for quite some time, neither knew how long it had been when Ashton stopped crying. 

“I’m sorry,” Ashton said with a voice like glass. 

“Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong, Ash. They are the ones at wrong here,” Luke told him as he placed his hands on the boy’s face. 

“Then why do I feel so horrible?” Ashton cried out. Luke sighed a deep and heavy sigh. 

“Because that’s how they want to make you feel. You can’t let them win. You did nothing wrong.” Ashton seemed hesitant as more tears rolled down his cheeks. 

“But..” Luke cut him off before he could continue. 

“But nothing. There is nothing wrong with falling in love, Ash.” 

* * * 

Luke entered his house, he had made it through the whole week of school. Sure, he was bullied a lot and got a few death threats but he made it through. He hadn’t had a chance to speak to his brothers since before coming out, they didn’t even know that he came out. They were sitting at the island as they ate chips from a bowl in the middle of the island. 

“Hey, Luke. Haven’t seen you much, how have things been?” Jack asked as Luke took a seat beside him grabbing a handful of chips. 

“I came out,” he blurted out. His brothers looked at him incredulous. They waited for him to go on. 

“Last week, when I was over at Calum’s, Michael kind of walked in on Ashton and I making out. They were furious, I had never seen Calum so angry in his life. They told us that we needed help and that they would tell the whole school along with our parents if we didn’t first. So, I guess I didn’t really come out, I was pushed out.” They sent him sympathetic glances. 

“How did the kids at school react?” Ben dared to ask. 

“Most of them hate us and think we deserve to rot in hell but its not all bad. We made friends with this guy, Harry who is gay too. Poor Ashton’s been getting it the worst. After football practice on monday, some members of the team beat him up pretty bad. We’ve been avoiding the locker room ever since.” They looked at their brother with admiration, their little brother was going through a crucible at the age of 17, while at age 17 most teenagers were worrying about college and sats but Luke was worrying about more than just that. He had to worry about acceptance, and judgement and physical abuse and gaining his friends back. 

“You know you can’t avoid the locker room forever, right?” Ben said. Luke knew, he just didn’t want to take the chance of Ashton getting hurt again. Later that night, Luke drove over to Ashton’s. His dad was in the middle of making dinner when he came over. His siblings were chasing after each other with giggles escaping their mouths. 

“Is Ashton home?” Luke asked him. 

“Yeah, come inside. Ashton’s in his room.” Luke climbed the stairs to Ashton’s room. Ashton didn’t even notice when Luke opened the door. He had a journal laid out in front of him as he wrote frantically. He wore his black skinny jeans, bandana, glasses and a band shirt. Luke crept into the room, walking over to Ashton. He was still too into his writing to notice the other boy’s presence. 

“What you writin’ there?” Luke asked, startling him. He shot up nearly throwing his pen across the room. 

“God, Luke. You scared me.” Ashton moved his arm so that he covered the journal. 

“Is that a dairy, Ash?” Luke asked with a smile pulling at his lips. 

“No, its a song book,” he said as he slid the journal to face Luke. 

“Since when do you write songs?” Luke asked as he examined the journal. Lyrics were scribbled all over the pages. 

“I’ve always written songs, I’ve just never shown them to anyone.” Luke’s eyes read over the lyrics. 

“C’mon, Ash let’s get out of here, go out to dinner or see a movie?” Ashton gave Luke a look that told him he was scared, scared of going out in public. 

“Ash, we don’t have to hide anymore, we’re out. Let’s go on a real date,” Luke said as he made a puppy dog face at the boy. 

“Okay.” 

They went out to the nearest diner, and there were people from school but they didn’t notice them. They just focused on each other and the fact that they could be out in public like this. They weren’t playing hide and seek anymore.


	28. Please Understand If I See You Again Don't Even Say Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well_

_Since the last time that we spoke, you said_

_"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."_

_Please_

_What a night it is, when you live like this_

_And you're coming up beneath the clouds,_

_Don't let me down_

_All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now_

_You know, I still can't believe we both did some things_

_I don't even wanna think about_

_Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry,_

_I don't want anybody else to feel this way"_

_\- Mayday Parade (Stay)_

When Ashton arrived home from school on monday, his dad was on the phone. He sounded confused and maybe even a little annoyed. He was using the house phone which was normally never used. 

“There’s no way he would do that!” he shouted before he hung up and slammed the phone down on the counter. Ashton felt very small as he just watched his dad from afar. His dad wore a look that Ashton couldn’t quite comprehend. His dad looked up, noticing his son. 

“Hey dad, who was that?” Ashton asked as he walked over to the island. His dad sighed as he locked eyes with his son. 

“Calum just called me and he told me this crazy thing. I don’t know why he would lie about something like this. He sounded serious though, but there’s no way its true.” Ashton knew exactly what he was talking about. 

“Ashton, sorry I have to ask you this but are you g-?” he trailed off, like he couldn’t even imagine the thought of his son being gay. 

“Dad,” Ashton started as he took a seat and sent his dad a serious glance. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” 

“Okay, what is it, son?” 

“I-I’m gay, dad,” he told him as tears poured from his eyes. His dad stared at him incredulous, like there was no way in the world his son was gay. 

“W-what?” 

“I’m gay, dad. I like guys.” Silence filled the room as his dad looked to him in an unreadable expression. 

“You can’t be gay, there’s no way you’re..” his dad trailed off. 

“But I am dad, I’m gay and I’m in love with Luke.” His dad looked him straight in the eye seeing that his son was dead serious. 

“Do you know what you are saying right now?” He had a skeptical expression on his face. 

“Yes I do. I love Luke, dad,” he said without even blinking. 

“If you’re gay then your whole football career will be over, no college will accept you.” Ashton stared at his dad dumbfounded. 

“I just told you I’m gay and all you’re thinking about is my football career?” Ashton raised his voice at his dad. 

“Yes, I am because if you’re gay you won’t have a football career!” his dad shouted. 

“But that’s the thing, dad. I never wanted to have a football career. I don’t want to play college football and play in the World Cup. I don’t want any of that.” 

“Yes, you do son. You’ve always wanted that.” 

“No, I never did, you did. All my life you have pushed your dreams onto me, living them through me. Your dreams are not mine! I don’t fucking care about football, I never have,” he screamed. He was now standing up, only inches from his dad. 

“Then what do you want to be? A fashion designer?” his dad yelled in a voice of mockery. 

“No, dad. I want to be a drummer.” 

“Good luck with that. No one will want to be in a band with a faggot,” his dad said without a second thought. It felt like a slap in the face, his own dad had just called him a faggot. Tears were threatening to escape his eyes. 

“Fuck you, dad. Fuck you!” he shouted as tears sprang from his eyes. His dad just stared at him like he was a stranger. Ashton turned around abruptly and ran to his room. He slammed the door behind him once he was in his room. He sobbed, letting loud cries shake his entire body as he leaned against the door. And in an instant, the bond that had been so strong between him and his father was broken. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was late monday night when there was a knock at Luke’s door. He wasn’t expecting anyone over so he was surprised. His brothers looked to him, they were in the middle of watching Austrian Idol. Luke got up and went to the door, opening it. He was surprised to see Ashton standing there with tear stricken eyes, and disheveled hair. Luke went to open his mouth but before he could speak, Ashton launched into the boy’s arms, hugging him like his life depended on it. Sobs shook his entire body. It broke Luke’s heart to see him this way. He pulled the boy as humanly close to him as possible. His brothers watched from the other room stunned. They held onto each other like one held onto oxygen or a fish to water. They pulled back and just stared at each other. 

“Come in, Ash,” Luke said managing to pull a smile on his face. Ashton stepped inside the house, looking over to the muted TV and Luke’s two brothers. 

“Hey, Ash,” both of his brothers said. Ashton waved but he couldn’t form words. It felt like his mouth was full of salt water. 

“Let’s go to my room, Ash,” Luke suggested. The boy nodded and let Luke connect their hands to lead him up the stairs. Ashton didn’t say a word when they entered the room. He looked like broken glass, so fragile. Like just saying a single word would break him into pieces. Luke lead him over to his bed and they both sat down, facing each other. 

“You wanna tell me about it?” he asked as he wiped away Ashton’s tears with his thumb. 

“Cal-Calum called my dad. He knows about you and I,” Ashton told him sounding like salt on wounds. Luke stared at him blankly, trying to comprehend all that was happening. 

“H-how did he react?” Luke asked, but he already knew his dad must not of taken it well if Ashton was here broken in two. 

“The first thing he said when I told him was about football and how being gay would ruin my football career, like that was all he cared about.” Ashton gathered himself before going on. 

“I told him I didn’t want to be a football player anyway. You should've seen the look on his face when I told him I was gay. It was like he was staring at a monster. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. He hates me, Luke. He hates me.” He fell apart at those last words, tears pouring from his eyes as Luke hugged him, pulling him close. They just sat there in silence, enjoying the comfort and warmth of each other. Neither of them spoke, because there was no right thing to say. 

“C-can I stay here tonight?” Ashton asked as they pulled back. Luke just simply nodded his head. 

“I love you, Ash,” he told the boy as he kissed his forehead. He then pulled the boy down with him into the bed, hugging him to his chest, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. And for a moment, everything was right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave your thoughts on the progression of the story below.


	29. Say What You Need to Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How hard is it to stop the heart from loving? As hard as it is to stop the eye from blinking, the more you control it, the more it hurts.”

_“Even if your hands are shaking_

_And your faith is broken_

_Even as the eyes are closing_

_Do it with a heart wide open_

_Say what you need to say”_

_\- John Mayer_

Luke entered the school with Ashton close by his side. They had spent the night cuddled together in Luke’s bed. Ashton slept like a baby, it was the best night’s sleep he’d gotten in a long time. Luke walked Ashton to his first hour, they spotted Calum with Michael over by the lockers. There was so much rage boiled up inside of Luke, he felt like he was going to explode when he saw Calum. 

“Luke, are you listening to what I was saying?” Ashton then followed Luke’s gaze. 

“Luke, leave him alone, it’s fine, I’m fine.” But that did no good. Luke headed over to Calum, Calum turned towards him with a smirk on his face. 

“You had no right outing Ashton to his parents, that was his decision to make when he was ready,” Luke said trying to maintain his composure. 

“I had the right to out him when I found you two getting it on in my bathroom,” he sneered. Students were starting to glance over at the two of them. 

“Why would you do that? You know, Ash’s dad hates him now because of you,” Luke’s voice began to rise. 

“It’s Ashton’s fault that he’s gay.” 

“You say like it was his choice to be gay,” Luke said, his voice sounding like razor blades. 

“It is a choice,” Calum’s voice sounded like fire. 

“No, it’s not. You’re so ignorant. You really think we would of chosen this for ourselves if we had a say? Chosen to get bullied and lose our best friends and support of our parents?” Luke was right up in his face, teachers and students gathered hoping for a fight. 

“God, Luke. Just take the blame, you’re the cause for all of this, you’re the cause for Ashton’s parents hating him, and him getting bullied and him having no friends. You’re the faggot here,” he said, his voice cold as ice. Luke didn’t even need a second more to think it through and punched Calum right in the eye. Ashton stood frozen, he wanted to stop him but at the same time his feet were glued to the floor. Calum was furious, all he could see was red as he slammed Luke up against the lockers. Luke pushed him back forcefully. The principle ran through the crowd and made his way in between the two of them, forcing them to stop. 

“To my office, now!” 

Luke and Calum waited outside the office for their parents to pick them up since they got suspended for the rest of the week. Tension was thick in the air. 

“Why did you do it?” Luke asked in a small voice. 

“His parents deserve to know.” 

“He was going to tell them.” They fell silent, looking anywhere but each other. 

“Do you hate us?” Luke choked out. 

“I could never hate either of you, I may not approve of your life choices but I could never hate you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ashton spent the whole week at Luke’s, he never went home once. Luke was suspended for the rest of the week, which meant he was seated out of the football game the team was planning to play on Friday. Ashton came home(well to Luke’s home) from school on Thursday, walking over to Luke who was laid out on the couch watching reruns of One Tree Hill. 

“Since when do you watch girly teenage shows?” Ashton asked him as he stood over him. Luke had a blanket over him with a tired look hanging over his eyes. 

“Hey, it’s actually really good,” Luke defended as a smile took over his face. Ashton went over to the couch and sat on the edge of it. Luke’s hair was a greasy, unwashed mess that hung all over his face. Ashton pushed some of the hair from his face then bought their lips together. Luke bought his hand up to Ashton’s hair, as he slid his tongue into the other boy’s mouth. Ashton repositioned himself so that he was in a straddling position on top of him. He ground their hips together, their lips mashing together in perfect harmony. Ashton kicked the blanket to the floor and let his hands roam all over Luke’s body. Soon their clothes were discarded on the floor and their bodies collided together in ecstasy. 

Their heavy breaths filled the air as their fingers laced together. 

“Harry invited us to go to the mall with him this weekend,” Ashton said with his head laid on Luke’s chest. 

“Don’t give up on Calum and Michael just yet, Ash. They did all of this because they care for us,” Luke told him. 

“I know, I just wish they were more accepting of us.” 

“Me too.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Harry sat in the food court with Ashton and Luke. They each had a few shopping bags by their seats. 

“When did you find out?” Luke suddenly asked. 

“I think a part of me always knew, I just never really wanted to admit it to myself, and then in sophomore year, I fell in love with my best friend who happened to be in a serious relationship with a girl.” There was so much pain hidden beneath Harry’s bright green eyes. 

“Did you ever tell him?” Ashton asked. Harry shook his head. His eyes averted to the sub in front of him. 

“Are you still in love with him?” The way Harry looked at them laced with pain told them he was. 

“You have to tell him, at least so you’ll know how he feels.” 

“I’m pretty sure I know how he feels.” Luke and Ashton held sympathetic glances. Not everyone was as lucky as them, sometimes, people fall for someone who will never love them back. Luke couldn’t even imagine what amount of pain Harry went through on a daily basis. 

“It gets easier, you know,” Harry said suddenly referring to the bullying but Luke got the sense that he was referring to something else entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for getting me to reach 3,000 hits!!!also btw louis and harry's relationship wont be mentioned too much in this book, itll just pop up every couple chapters. feel free to leave comments below.


	30. I'll Have You Know I'm Scared to Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for something you are not."

_“Cause jersey just got colder and_

_I'll have you know i'm scared to death_

_That everything that you had said to me was just_

_A lie until you left_

_Now i'm hoping just a little bit stronger_

_Hold me up just a little bit longer_

_I'll be fine, I swear_

_I'm just gone beyond repair.”_

_\- Mayday Parade (Jersey)_

The finals for the football team was coming up at the end of the week. The whole team was really excited, they had only made it to the finals once before. Ashton expected his dad to be hounding him about the finals and practicing but he was never around. His own dad was avoiding him. Ashton made his way to the locker room with Luke. They were starting to get used to the new norm, sitting with Harry, avoiding Michael and Calum at all costs. They noticed Michael and Calum walk in with Jared and Alec. They were their replacements. Luke missed the old days, he missed Calum and Michael and how much fun they had around each other. 

“Hey, Luke, you okay?” Ashton asked him as he placed his hand on the boy’s waist. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Luke dismissed him. Ashton leaned in and placed a soft and gentle kiss on his cheek. Luke smiled at the small gesture, his face heating up. Harry entered the locker room with Louis engaging in a animate conversation. Luke could tell just by the way Harry looked at Louis like he was the sun that he was in love with the boy. 

After practice, the boys went into the locker room, changing out of their sweaty uniforms. Luke and Ashton were cautious, never leaving the other. A group of boys made their way over to them. Nick smirked at them. 

“Hey, faggots” his voice cut like knives. Harry looked up noticing the taunting look in the boys’ eyes. 

“Can you just leave us alone?” Ashton asked as he closed his locker. 

“What would be the fun of that?” Nick insisted as he lightly pushed on Luke’s shoulder. 

“Let’s just get out of here, Luke,” Ashton said as he grabbed his school bag and tried to get to the door but the boys blocked them from going anywhere. 

“You’re not going anywhere.” The boys looked to one another smirking evilly. Two of them went for Luke, while the others went for Ashton, kicking and punching them everywhere possible. 

“Guys, stop, is this really necessary?” Harry said as he tried to make his way through them. Nick repeatedly kicked Luke in the gut. He curled up into fetal position, closing his eyes, shutting the world out. 

“Stop!” Harry shouted as he tried pulling on Nick ending up with a punch to his eye. 

“You’re gonna injure them right before the game!” Louis shouted as he barged his way through them, managing to shove Nick off of Luke. The boys stopped and stepped away, backing down. 

“Now, get the hell out of here before I tell the coach!” Louis shouted. The boys grabbed their stuff and left the locker room. Harry just stared at Louis with shock and admiration. 

“Are you guys okay?” he asked as he helped Luke up while Harry helped Ashton up. 

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” Luke said with a sly smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Ashton looked out into the audience of the football stadium, for the first time in his 17 years of life he didn’t see his father. Then again, there was still another hour before the game started and Ashton hoped, hoped that his dad would be in the audience the next time he went out of field. 

“He’ll come,” Luke said as he wrapped his hands around the boy’s waist. 

“I hope so,” Ashton said in a quiet voice. Luke kissed his cheek and pulled him to the locker room. 

“This place is huge!” Harry shouted as he made his way over to them. 

“It sure is,” Ashton said managing to pull a smile onto his face. They made their way into the locker room where the rest of the team was. 

“Hey, Luke,” Ashton held a smirk over his face. 

“How about this time, if we win, I get to do whatever I want with you after the game but if we lose, you get to do whatever you want to do to me,” he said suggestively. 

“Deal but we are so gonna win.” A smile danced across Luke’s lips, his eyes dazzling like the sun. 

“Then it looks like you’re gonna be on your hands and knees tonight,” Ashton whispered to him. Luke chuckled, his smile vibrate. 

“It’d be okay with that.” The boys went their separate ways to get changed and soon the game was starting. 

Ashton’s eyes skimmed the entire area, but his dad wasn’t there. He noticed Luke’s brothers but his family was nowhere in sight. A part of him died inside, he had been holding onto that hope that his dad would still show up. He should of known better. The game started and Ashton stayed towards the back, letting Luke and Harry make most of the goals. He wasn’t the one who wanted a football career, it was only fair he gave them their time to shine. Luke ended up scoring the winning goal with a final total of 3-2. Ashton smiled proudly at Luke when the ball reached the goal. The whole team jumped up and down, suddenly not caring about his sexuality. They all gathered around him hugging him, totally forgetting the fact that they tried to kill him the other day. Luke broke through the crowd, making his way to Ashton, where his pulled him into a long kiss. When they pulled back, faces in the audience lingered on them including some of the college scholars. A college scholar from Cambridge in London came over. 

“We would love to have you on our college team next fall,” he said handing Luke a card. Luke had always dreamed of going to Uni in London but never in a million years did he think he would ever get accepted. 

“It would be an honor,” Luke said with a smile that well out shined the sun. He shook his hand and left the two boys. 

“You did it, babe,” Ashton told the boy who was beaming. Luke pulled the small boy into his arms. 

After getting changed and showered, they went out to dinner with Luke’s brothers where Luke politely told his brothers to find somewhere else to stay that night. His brothers held smirks on their faces as they told them to not destroy the house too bad. As soon as the door to Luke’s house was closed behind them, their lips were attached to each other. Ashton pressed him against the door, sliding his tongue into the boy’s mouth as his hands were all over Luke’s body. He could feel them both going hard with each touch. Ashton scooped him up, letting the boy wrap his legs around his waist and took him over to the kitchen where he sat him on the counter. Within no times, their clothes were on the floors and Ashton was on his knees taking Luke into his mouth. Luke’s fingers gripped his hair as his head fell back with elation. Moans and screams escaped his mouth as Ashton took his whole length into his mouth, deep throating him. Luke came into his mouth with a loud moan that sure as hell could be heard from down the street. Ashton pulled away, swallowing the cum. The boys just stared at each other, catching their breaths. They told each other ‘I love you’ without words as their eyes poured into each other. Ashton then took Luke to his bedroom where you can already guess what they did.


	31. Innocence Is Falling

_“How can you think that any of this was easy_

_With all the friends I've lost along the way?_

_When this is over, we're all getting older now_

_And we all play a part in it_

_Innocence is falling, can you hear them calling now?_

_But I'll be by your side until the end.”_

_\- Mayday Parade (The End)_

When Ashton got home from school, his dad was home for the first time in forever. 

“Hey, dad, we won the finals,” Ashton said, trying to get his dad’s attention. His dad didn’t say a word. He tried again. 

“How was work?” Still nothing. Ashton was getting desperate now. 

“Do you hate me?” he asked in a quiet broken voice. 

“I could never hate you, son. I just don’t understand why you would ruin your career and everything you’ve strived for,” his dad said as he looked him in the eye. 

“I didn’t chose this, dad,” Ashton uttered. 

“You did, though. You could of easily ignored those sinful thoughts and married Katie,” his dad said like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

“So, you want me to hide for the rest of my life?” 

“Yes.” 

“It’s not that easy, dad. I love Luke and I can’t just ignore those feelings just so I can fit in and be normal.” 

“But you can, Ashton. You have to, you can’t be gay,” his dad pleaded. 

“But I am dad, I’m gay and nothing in the world is going to change that,” Ashton said in a stubborn voice. 

“Talk to me when that changes,” his dad snapped as he turned his back on his own son. Ashton’s heart shattered into a million pieces. 

~~~~~~ 

“Mom, dad, there’s something I need to tell you guys,” Luke said to his parents. He sat at the kitchen table with his parents and brothers. They looked up from their plates waiting for him to continue. 

“I’m gay,” Luke said putting it all out there. His brothers gave him a look of admiration. 

“Okay,” his dad said in a careless voice. 

“That’s it?” Luke asked, his voice strained. 

“Yeah, we really don’t care who you date or who your friends are or how your social life is, as long as your grades are fine, we’re happy.” Luke’s stomach twisted in knots as rage boiled inside of him. 

“Would you care if I jumped off a cliff or if I shot myself in the head just like Nichelle?” he dared to ask. 

“Of course son, we would care,” his dad said in the most monotone voice as if he was reading from a script. Luke set down his fork and stood up from the table. 

“That’s the thing, you never care. Neither of you ever have cared about us our whole lives. You’ve never once told us that you love us nor have you ever given us advice. Why did you even have kids? You obviously don’t care about us nor want us. You were probably relieved when Nichelle killed herself, one less child to take care of.” 

“Son, we do not speak of her in this house,” his dad said in a firm voice. 

“I don’t fuckin’ care what you say, since you don’t give a fuck about what I do with my life,” Luke snapped. All eyes burned onto him. He quickly turned around and went to his room.


	32. I Hold You Up Above Everyone

_“Everyone's around, no words are coming now._

_And I can't find my breath, can we just say the rest with no sound._

_And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up._

_And I'm not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it._

_And now I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone._

_And now I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me_

_And I'd be so good to you._

_I would.”_

_\- Marianas Trench (Good to You)_

Luke and Ashton sat in their tree house over looking the setting sun. Luke was snuggled into Ashton’s chest. Luke felt so content and complete. If he died the, he would die have lived a full life. He had never been happier in his 17 years of life. He had always dreamed of falling in love, he would ogle at couples in the streets and wonder what makes love so incredible and heartbreaking that songs, movies, books were written off it. Now, he knew. He just hoped that this love would only continue, he didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t. 

“Where are you think of applying to college?” Luke asked him. 

“I’m probably not going to go,” he said in a careless voice. 

“You should at least apply, then decide if you want to go or not,” Luke suggested. 

“Are going to go to Cambridge?” he asked, Luke could sense fear in his voice. 

“Probably, it’s my dream school. I’ve wanted to go there forever.” 

“But it’s so far away, we’ll be so far apart,” Ashton said in a weak, needy voice. 

“We don’t have to be, you could go to either to Cambridge or a uni near by and we can live together,” Luke said with a smile spreading across his face. Ashton smiled wide just thinking about spending the rest of his life in the love of his life. Luke buried his face in the boy’s chest, wanting to be as near to him as humanly possible. Ashton wrapped his arms around the boy leaving kisses in his hair. 

“Did I mention how much I love you?” 

“Maybe once or twice.” Their smiles were so wide and bright they nearly fell off their faces. Luke reached up and pressed their lips together in a slow heavenly motion. Luke went back to resting his head on Ashton’s chest once they pulled back. 

“You know, it was worth. Coming out, losing our best friends, the support of our parents, it was all worth it,” Ashton stated. Luke just stared at him, Ashton had just about lost everything except him and he wouldn’t change a single thing about it. It amazed Luke how happy Ashton was despite everything. But then again, he had lost a lot too and he wouldn’t change a single thing. He had fallen in love, something he had always dreamt about. And the feeling was utterly amazing, nothing in the world could replace it. 

“It was.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ashton kissed Luke goodbye then went on his way to his class. When he entered the room, every student looked up at him, snickering. He took his seat to see the students had hangman on the board, the letters spelled out, Ashton and Luke are fags. Michael smiled as he wrote in the last letter, walking away from the board. Ashton felt sick, but not physically. He was sick at how one’s best friend can become their enemy, he was sick at how cruel the human soul could be. The teacher entered the room, noticing the snickers and the board. He didn’t say a thing as he erased the letters. After class, Ashton went after Michael, following him into the hallway. 

“What the hell was that?” he asked as he made Michael look at him. 

“We were just playing a little game,” he said as he shrugged it off. 

“Do you really hate us that much? Are you really that repulsed by us? Did all those years of friendship just go to waste? Do you even still care about me and him?” Ashton asked furious. Michael stayed silent, he wasn’t expecting that. 

“You know what, Ashton, I am that repulsed by you two and I do hate you. You two have ruined your lives and frankly I couldn’t care less about what you do with your lives now,” he said in a careless voice. Ashton just stared at him incredulous. 

“So all those years of friendship means nothing?” he asked. 

“Don’t get me wrong, we were friends and I enjoyed hanging out with you then but now things have changed. I can’t associate myself with people like you,” Michael voice stung Ashton like a wasp. 

“You're not exactly the most innocent or clean person either. You sleep with three different girls a week not to mention the amount of drugs and alcohol you do. Last time I checked those were sins too. So what make me so much worse than you?” his tone was tight and icy. 

“First off, no one ever really pays attention to the whole no sex until before marriage thing. Second, drugs and drinking are not half as bad as sodomy.” 

“Oh, it that what you call it?” Ashton paused, chuckling a humorless chuckle. 

“Last time I checked, Luke was still a person so having sex with him is not in any way sodomy nor beastity!” Ashton turned away, ready to leave Michael for good. 

“By the way, Luke is great in bed,” Ashton said with a smirk on his face before he walked away. There was no redemption for Michael, there was no possible way the two could ever go back to what they were. They wounds were too deep to heal, no amount of time would change the fact that when Ashton needed Michael the most he turned his back on him.


	33. We Can Make This Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
> 
>  
> 
> High school AU where Ashton and Luke are best friends and hook up after getting drunk one night.

_“Tell me something sweet to get me by,_

_'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing_

_La, la la la, la la la,_

_Till everyone is singing_

_If you can wait till I get home,_

_Then I swear to you that we can make this last._

_(La la la)_

_If you can wait till I get home,_

_Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past._

_Well it might be for the best.”_

_\- A Day to Remember (If It Means Alot to You)_

Ashton woke up freezing and sweating at the same time. His head pounded and every bone in his body ached. There was a knock at the door but he didn’t even have the strength to stand up. 

“Ashton, open up!” Luke called from outside the house. A moment later, Ashton heard Luke open the door and head upstairs. 

“Are you going to school today?” Luke asked him when he entered the boy’s room. Ashton’s throat felt dry and sore. 

“God, Ash you look terrible,” he said as he made his way over to the boy, putting a hand to his forehead which was burning hot. 

“Thanks,” Ashton mumbled with sarcasm. 

“What about I make you some soup and we can watch movies and cuddle together,” Luke chirped, desperate to make the boy feel better. 

“But you have to go to school.” 

“I can skip today, someone has to take care of you,” Luke said smiling sweetly at the boy. Ashton mouthed a thanks before Luke left to go make soup. He felt like he could stay in bed for the rest of his life. He curled himself into a ball, wrapping the blankets tighter around himself. He loved Luke and he wondered if they were to get married or move in together if this is what it would be like: Luke taking care of Ashton and him loving every second of it. He smiled to himself still incredulous to the fact that he had fallen in love, something he promised himself he would never do when he watched the way his grandma cried and hurt and died inside when she lost her husband of sixty years. The night after he died, she downed too many sleeping pills and never woke up again. Love killed her, she couldn’t stand life without him so she killed herself in order to be with him. Love was a crazy thing, Ashton realized. It drove people apart yet at the same time it brought people closer together, It hurt like hell yet at the same time it was the most amazing feeling in the world, it made Ashton feel like every inch of his body was on fire yet at the same time he had never felt better, it made him want to run away and hide from the feelings spiraled in his mind yet he stayed and couldn’t even imagine leaving. 

“What do you want to watch, Ash?” Luke asked as he handed him his soup and turned the TV on. 

“I don’t care,” Ashton said, his throat hurting more and more with every word. Luke turned on Spongebob, putting the volume on mute. He made his way over to the boy, laying beside him under the covers. He kissed the boy’s forehead, running his hands through Ashton’s sweaty hair as he did so. Ashton had never felt so loved in his life. And suddenly, he didn’t care that he was sick, he just wanted to be closer, closer, closer to Luke. He turned on his side, capturing his lips with Luke’s. Luke’s hands rested on the boy’s hips while Ashton’s were everywhere, needing to touch every single inch of the boy. He pulled at Luke’s shirt forcing it off as he shoved his tongue into Luke’s throat, letting their tongues dance together. Both their members were growing increasingly hard and both felt fireworks when their lips met. It was the best feeling in the world. It felt like being on cloud nine. He had never felt better in that moment. And then he wasn’t feeling well at all. Ashton pulled back from the kiss abruptly, running to the bathroom where he puked in the toilet. Luke made his way over to the boy still shirtless and hard. And as much as he was grossed out by throw up, he ignored it and patted Ashton’s back as he held his hair back as cheesy as it was. 

“No more kissing for today, you need to rest,” Luke told the boy as he threw up once more. Ashton looked up from the toilet with pouty lips and puppy dog eyes. 

“But I like kissing you,” he whined sounding like a little kid. 

“I’m sure you can last a day,” Luke said as he kissed Ashton’s nose then forehead then cheeks, and continuing to kiss him all over his face except for his lips. He pulled back smiling wide at the boy. 

“C’mon, let’s get you back to bed,” Luke said as he stood up. But Ashton didn’t have the strength in his legs to even move. 

“Will you help me?” Ashton asked in a hoarse voice. Luke picked him up bridal style, carrying him to his bed where he laid him down. Ashton reached out, pulling Luke down with him. Luke let the sick boy snuggle up to his chest, falling asleep in his arms. He kissed Ashton’s forehead then whispered an I love you in his ear. Neither boy had never felt more safe in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these last couple chapters have been kinda short, the next chapter is like four pages long! and its a belated christmas special.


	34. When Our Hearts Are Heavy Burdens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton spends Christmas with Luke's family. Things don't turn out as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this Christmas special posted a bit late.

_“Cause I’ve been trying way too long_

_To try and be the perfect song_

_When our hearts are heavy burdens_

_We shouldn’t have to bear alone”_

_\- Go Radio(Goodnight Moon)_

Ashton threw his bag on the floor of the kitchen. He was done with school for two weeks and he couldn’t be more ready for a break from that hell hole. He noticed suitcases in the hallway. His brother and sister ran down the stairs carrying mini suitcases with smiles spiraled across their faces. 

“Where do you two think you’re going?” Ashton asked them as he knelt down to their level. 

“Daddy said we’re going on a family vacation to New York,” Harry stated with an excited look in his eyes. Their dad entered the room just then with his briefcase in hand. 

“Dad, are we going somewhere for break?” Ashton asked as he stood up. His dad gave him a stern look. 

“You aren’t, but the rest of the family is going to spend the holidays in the states,” his dad uttered as if he wasn’t breaking his son’s heart. 

“What do you mean?” Ashton asked. 

“We need some time to think about everything that’s been going on and we can’t do that with you with us.” Ashton got the feeling that by everything he meant Ashton’s sexuality. 

“So where am I supposed to stay?” 

“Don’t really care. We’ll see you after the holidays. Don’t bother calling or texting us,” his dad said as the rest of the family grabbed their bags then headed out the door. Ashton stood there in the silence knowing there was no way he would be able to stay in an empty house for two weeks over the holidays. So, he packed his bags and drove to Luke’s. 

Luke’s dad opened the door when Ashton knocked. He showed no facial expression when he saw him, if Ashton hadn’t known better he would have thought that his face was incapable of movement. He didn’t say a single word to him, just stepped aside. Luke was sitting at the island talking to his grandpa and brothers. Luke’s eyes found Ashton’s, he could see the pain hidden beneath his front and ran over to him, hugging him as tight as possible. Luke’s whole family just stopped and stared at the two boys. They could tell they loved each other just how they clung to each other like magnets. 

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked as he pulled back. Everyone else disappeared and it was just the two of them. 

“My whole family went on vacation without me. I was wondering if I could stay here for the holidays,” Ashton said in an unsure voice. 

“Of course you can stay here, Ash,” Luke said managing to pull a smile on his face. Luke turned around to the peering judgmental eyes of his family. 

“Grandpa, you remember Ashton right? We go to school together and are on the football team together.” His grandpa nodded pulling Ashton in for a hug. 

“Of course I remember Ashton, you haven’t stopped talking about the boy since I’ve arrived,” he said making Luke blush. Luke had always loved his grandpa more than his parents and got along with him better than any other family member. Unlike the rest of his family, he understood him as well as cared about him. Ashton and Luke sent glances back and forth, beaming from head to toe. 

“Are going to tell him or can I?” Ben asked with a smile. 

“Tell me what?” his grandpa asked confused. Meanwhile, Luke’s parents slipped out of the room. 

“Ashton and I are dating,” Luke said easy as taking candy from a baby. His grandpa didn’t frown nor keep a straight face nor laugh, instead he smiled wide. 

“I had a feeling there was something more going on. I’m happy for you, both of you.” Ashton and Luke smiled brighter than the sun. It was one of the few positive reactions that’d gotten and the fact that it came from Luke’s grandpa made it even more special. They spent hours catching Luke’s grandpa up on everything that had been going on in their lives. At midnight, they all dispersed into their rooms, Ashton sleeping with Luke in his bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ashton was woken up early the next morning. Luke was shouting in his ear while jumping all over him. 

“What are you doing?” Ashton asked. His voice was hoarse and groggy. 

“Waking you up,” Luke giggled. Luke sat on top of Ashton both still in their pjs and bedhead. 

“Why?” Ashton sat up, beginning to tickle the boy, not letting him answer. Luke giggled loudly as he tried to get Ashton to stop but at the same time he didn’t want him to. He fell over onto the bed, letting Ashton continue to tickle him as laughs escaped from his mouth. 

“Stop, stop,” Luke said in between laughs. Ashton straddled his hips while tickling his stomach. Luke had never laughed so hard in his life. 

“I surrender, I surrender,” he chuckled. Ashton stopped tickling the boy and pulled their lips together, moving them in harmony with one another. 

“You have the worst morning breath,” Ashton chuckled as he pulled away. He rolled off of Luke, staring up at the blue ceiling that had glow up stars spiraled about it. 

“So, why did you wake me up this early?” 

“We’re going to the mall, I need to buy some christmas gifts,” Luke affirmed. 

“Have you brought my gift yet?” Ashton asked. 

“Not telling you,” Luke said with a smile as he stood from the bed. 

“Now, get dressed.” 

Within fifteen minutes, both boys were dressed and in the car ready to go. Luke had on the latest All Time Low album which Ashton took out and turned on the radio. 

“We’re listening to Christmas music,” he declared. 

“But christmas songs are the worst!” Luke whined. 

“Christmas songs are the best, you can’t not like Last Christmas or Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Luke shook his head in detest as Ashton turned on the Christmas radio which was playing a cover of Last Christmas. Ashton turned the volume up, singing along to the festive teen-bopper song. And Luke couldn’t resist but to sing along, cause who doesn’t love Last Christmas. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

On Christmas Eve, Luke’s aunts, uncles, and cousins came over. His mum had a brother and sister while his dad was an only child. Luke’s uncle, Richard had three kids while his aunt Susan had one kid. They all sat around the table at dinner time, eating the giant pig. 

“So, Ashton where are your parents?” Susan asked as she passed around the biscuits. 

“They’re in the states,” Ashton explained. Richard’s daughter who was only seven had piled several biscuits onto her plate. 

“And why didn’t you go with them?” The little girl asked. She had blue eyes that matched Luke’s but her hair was a shade darker than his. 

“Veronica, don’t be so rude,” her mother scolded her. 

“Did you know that Ashton and Luke here are dating?” Luke’s grandpa announced nearly making half of the table spit their drinks. 

“You’re kidding me, right?” Susan asked. Susan had always been a firm believer in god and was catholic. She was very strict with her daughter about what she wore and listened to. 

“No.” All eyes shot to Luke and Ashton. Some held admiration while others held judgement and disgust. 

“Is this true, Luke?” his uncle, Richard asked him. 

“Yeah,” Luke said in the smallest voice. Chaos erupted like a volcano. 

“How could you let your son be associated with such faggots?” Susan shouted. The kids just sat there eating their food with no idea what was going on. Ashton and Luke sat there awkwardly, they were used to being called faggots by now but it didn’t make it hurt any less. 

“I have no idea how he turned out like this,” his mom said acting like the victim when in fact she didn’t give a rat’s ass about Luke. 

“What the hell are you talking about mom? You didn’t give a shit when he told you, you’ve never given a shit about us!” Jack yelled. 

“Will you please quiet down, there are children here,” Richard’s wife, Danne said. No one even tried to quiet down. Danne got up, taking the kids out of the room. Everyone was shouting and yelling. And with each word, Luke’s heart shattered. He had never felt so hated and worthless in his life. 

“I don’t want my children near your children ever again!” 

“It’s not contagious!” 

“When was the last time you took this boy to church?” 

“No amount of church is going to change who he is!” 

“Have you thought of getting him help? We can get him help, he needs help.” 

Luke felt frozen, like everything was moving in slow motion. He couldn’t hear a word, all he saw was lips moving and things being thrown. 

“Luke, c’mon, let’s get out of here,” Ashton whispered in his ear as he tried to get him to move from the chair. And then Luke wasn’t at the kitchen table anymore. He wasn’t in his body anymore. He was watching himself in a distant memory. 

_“Nobody loves me, Luke,” Nichelle said in a broken voice. Tears were falling uncontrollably down her face as she held a gun in her hands._

_“No one will care.” Luke stared at his teenage sister trying to understand her pain. He wanted to help her but he couldn’t find it within himself to move._

_“I’ll care,” Luke choked out. She looked up, glancing at him with so much despair and hurt written all over her. “But that’s not enough,” she said her voice sounding like glass. She raised the gun to her head, pointing it at herself. Her eyes were closed and she looked so scared._

_“Nichelle, no!” But it was too late. Nichelle had pressed the trigger and now there was a hole in her beautiful face._

“Luke, Luke,” Ashton called out. Luke was a sobbing mess, curled up in fetal position. He was having a panic attack. Ashton stood up from his chair. All the adults were too caught up in arguing to notice the boy. Ashton kneed next to Luke, making himself level. He gently grasped the boy’s arms, pulling them away from his face. 

“Luke, it’s okay, you’re okay. Luke, I’m right here,” Ashton whispered soothingly. Luke’s arms were shaking in his grasp, his eyes were shut tight afraid to open. 

“Luke, open your eyes. I’m right here. No one’s gonna hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Slowly, Luke stopped shaking, his cries decreasing and his eyes opened. Ashton wrapped his arms around the boy, showering him with kisses not caring that everyone in that room was watching them. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Ashton whispered. But Luke still couldn’t move. So, Ashton picked the boy up and carried him to his car. He drove them to the place he knew Luke wanted to be. Luke was silent the entire car ride, starring off into the distance. 

“You gonna get out of the car or am I gonna have to carry you?” Luke’s silence was all the answer he needed. He carried the boy through the forest, leaving kisses in his hair here and there. He somehow managed to get him in the tree house where Luke collapsed onto him. His head laid on Ashton’s chest as he clung to him tightly. Neither of them said a word. There wasn’t a right word to say in that moment. Nothing could make the moment better or worse. So, the two spent their christmas sleeping inside a tree house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments below:)


	35. The Night Will Go On

_“Keep your head still,_

_I'll be your thrill,_

_The night will go on,_

_My little windmill_

_Say it ain't so,_

_I will not go,_

_Turn the lights off,_

_Carry me home”_

_\- Blink 182(All the Small Things)_

On New Years Eve, Luke’s parents went out and the boys had the house to themselves. Luke hadn’t talked to his parents since Christmas Eve. Nor had he spoken to his aunts and uncles. His grandpa went home the day after christmas. 

“So are we going to watching Ryan Seacrest’s ball drop?” Ben asked as he hopped on the couch joining Jake, Luke, and Ashton. 

“That did not sound right,” Ashton remarked as the boys chuckled. Jack turned the TV on, switching it to Ryan Seacrest’s New Years Eve Special. 

“I’m going to order us pizza and put in some cookies.” 

“Usually for New Years we go over to Mikey’s and watch the ball drop while getting stoned,” Luke said as he stared off into the distance. 

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that last part,” Ben said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, it’s weird being here. It’s been a tradition of ours since we were five,” Ashton commented. 

“I hope you weren’t getting stoned when you were five,” Ben remarked. Ashton rested his head on Luke’s shoulder. 

“I miss them.” 

“Me too.” 

“I wonder what they’re doing tonight.” Ashton imagined Michael and Calum inviting a few lads from the football team over and watching the ball drop while getting stoned with their replacements. It hurt Ashton to know how easily he could be replaced. While Luke imagined Michael and Calum watching the ball drop in an empty room wondering about Luke and Ashton. They’d grown up around each other and were always there for each other through thick and thin. When Luke’s sister killed herself, each of the boys made sure to keep an eye on him, constantly taking him out and having sleepovers. They would let him talk their ears off and cry onto their shoulders. When Ashton got his first date with Katie, the boys threw him a bachelor party. And when Calum’s long time girlfriend and best friend moved away, the boys made sure he was okay and helped him move on. When Michael’s dad lost his job and his parents were looking at jobs out of the country, the boys had a lemonade sale to make money so Michael wouldn’t have to leave. They were always there for each other. So why weren’t they there for each other now? Best friends make an unspoken promise to always be there for each other no matter what, yet their best friends weren’t there anymore. And it hurt like hell. It was firsthand betrayal, getting stabbed in the back. Nothing had ever hurt either boy so bad. Luke who had lost his own sister had never hurt worse than he was now. Betrayal cut through them like a knife, leaving a scar for the rest of their lives. 

“Pizza’s here,” Jack called as he set the pizza on the table. They all sat up, each grabbing a piece. 

“So guys, what’s your new years revolutions?” Ben asked. 

“I for one would like to move out of this house considering I am a college kid and still live with my parents,” Jack said. 

“What about you, Ash?” Ben asked. 

“I have everything I could ever want,” Ashton said as he stared into Luke’s blue orbs. Luke smiled wide, pecking him on the lips. 

“Okay, well there has to be something you want to accomplish by the end of 2015.” 

“I’d like to married to your brother and have five kids by the end of 2015,” Ashton said in a mock serious way. Jack nearly spit out his pizza as the rest of the boys erupted in laughter. Their laughter filled the room replacing the betrayal and sadness. 

“Five kids, huh? Ash,” Luke smiled at the boy wide trying not to laugh but failing in the end. 

“Oh my god, look Ryan Seacrest’s balls are dropping!” They laughed until their stomachs hurt as their eyes glanced at the screen. One minute until midnight. 

“Wait a second, who am I suppose to kiss at midnight?” Ben questioned. 

“Jack,” Ashton said in a joking tone. 

“I’m not into incest so…” 

“Then kiss the pizza.” 

“Good idea, pizza has always been there for me since day one.” Once again, the boys erupted in laughter as the clock counted down. When it hit midnight, Luke kissed Ashton, connecting their lips and let the sparks fly as the new year rang in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the chapter is a little more heavy then the second half which is light and a nice break from all the sadness. let me know what you think:)


	36. No One There's to Save You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Super Bowl day and Happy Birthday, Harry! Enjoy the chapter:)

_“No, you don't know what it's like_

_When nothing feels all right_

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be like me_

_To be hurt_

_To feel lost_

_To be left out in the dark_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life”_

_\- Simple Plan (Welcome to my life)_

Reluctantly, Ashton and Luke returned to school. They hoped that over the break everyone got over the scandal that was the school’s first out gay couple. Maybe the new year had some good things in store for them. Ashton had to return to his house tonight, all of his stuff was in the car so Luke could take him home after school. He dreaded going home to his family. In the 14 days they had been apart, he had only missed his younger siblings. He actually enjoyed the time without his parents as terrible as that sounds. Luke gave Ashton a goodbye kiss and walks into english class. He spotted Harry across the room talking with a few of his friends and doing everything within his power to not look over at Louis who was chatting his girlfriend. 

“Hey, Luke. How was your break?” he asked as Luke took a seat next to him. Before he could answer the teacher entered the room. 

“Instead of having a final, you all will do a project on an author that has written one of the school books you have read during your years of secondary. This is a partner assignment.” Noise quickly erupted in the class, students eager to make sure they could pair up with their best friend or crush. 

“Your partners will be assigned.” The whole class groaned including Luke. He just hoped he got matched up with Harry or Louis. He looked around the class, surveying his options. Before coming out he wouldn’t of cared who he was put with. But now he had the bullying and homophobia aspect to worry about. There were a lot of guys from the football team in the class, more specifically, guys who had beat him and Ashton up before. The teacher explained the project more then went into listing the partners. He felt like a 13 year old all over again, being picky about who he was partnered with. 

“Louis and Harry.” Harry tried but failed to cover the huge grin that emerged onto his face. 

“Nick and Luke.” His eyes met Nick’s and he nearly wanted to hide under his desk. Nick sent an evil grin his way, frightening Luke to his core. But he’s nearly 18, he shouldn’t be afraid of Nick just because he was twice the size of him and twice as strong as him. No, not at all. The memory of Nick beating him up replayed in his mind, leaving him terrified. 

Meanwhile, Ashton had a sub in his math class, a sub that was as old as Betty White and couldn’t care less what the kids did. Ashton felt a tap on his back, he turned around to see Calum. In the beginning of the year, they had picked these seats and now they were stuck with sitting next to each other for the rest of the year. 

“What do you want?” Ashton asked in an irritated voice. 

“Can we talk?” Calum asked with pleading eyes. 

“What do we possibly have to talk about?” His tone was cold and sharp, something Calum was not used to. In the many years that Calum had known Ashton, he had only heard him speak harsh under five times. 

“C-can you try to explain it to me,” Calum asked in a quiet and shy voice. 

“Explain what?” he said bitterly. 

“You and Luke, and like how you two became a couple and stuff.” Calum was fidgeting with his fingers. 

“Why, do you suddenly care or do you just want to joke about with people who stupid I am.” Calum took a moment to recover, trying to act like Ashton’s harshness didn’t affect him. 

“Maybe if you explain it to me, I’ll understand.” Ashton looked at him shocked yet hesitant. 

“I don’t like fighting with you, Ash. And we’ve been friends forever and I feel like I owe it to you to at least listen to the full story,” Calum explained. Ashton blinked a few times, making sure this was really happening. He then went to describe his and Luke’s relationship. 

Luke sat across from Nick, trying his best not to look intimidated. 

“So, let me guess, you want to do Shakespeare or some gay shit like that,” Nick said in a tone of mockery. 

“Not all gays are like that, they’re not all like the stereotype,” Luke defended. 

“Whatever makes you sleep at night.” Luke gritted his teeth, every little thing about Nick bothered him. He was so ignorant and homophobic, Luke wanted to smack him. 

“Can we just get to the project?” 

“Sure,” Nick said rolling his eyes. 

“Okay, so I was thinking we could do William Goulding, he wrote Lord of the Flies,” he tried to explain. 

“Why? Are you into British guys now? You gonna hit on Harry now?” 

“No, I liked the book,” he simply stated. 

“Wow, that’s gay.” 

“Will you stop saying that?!” Luke nearly shouted. 

“Stop what?” Nick played innocent when he knew damn well what he was doing. 

“Saying gay like it’s something bad, there is nothing wrong with being gay.” 

“Nothing wrong my ass. Have you not read the bible? It clearly states that man shall not lie with other men,” he said, speaking as if he were talking to a dumb person. 

“And the bible also says no sex before marriage and drugs and alcohol are bad yet you do both of those things,” Luke argued. 

“Everyone does those things though. Only fags shack up with someone of the same gender.” 

“Do you even know what a fag is?” Luke dared to ask. 

“Yeah, I’m looking right at one,” he stated without a care in the world. Luke rolled his eyes. 

“A faggot is actually a bundle of sticks that people used to use to make fires where they burned homosexuals to death.” 

“Thanks for that unnecessary trip to fag history.” Nick went on, offending Luke in every possible way and Luke remained composed on the outside while he was falling apart on the inside. 

Ashton explained everything that had happened between him and Luke. And Calum listened intently, asking questions here and there. While Ashton was given hope, Luke was taken of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I hear people especially in high school use the word, faggot a lot. and they'll use it in a way that doesn't even make sense and is offensive. Sometimes, friends refer to each other as faggots, that's probably one of the worse ways to use it. Or they'll use it to make fun of someone. Most of the time people who use the word don't even know the meaning of the word. Sorry for my rant.


	37. I'd Rather Run the Other Way Than Stay

_“But that's how it's got to be_

_It's coming down to nothing more than apathy_

_I'd rather run the other way than stay and see_

_The smoke and who's still standing when it clears_

_Everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in overtime_

_She's on your mind”_

_\- The Fray (Over My Head)_

Ashton and Luke sat inside Luke’s house with laptops on their laps and packets of paper by their sides. Some reps from different colleges would be at school the next day. The boys were preparing for their interviews as well as filling out their applications. 

“What colleges are you looking into?” Luke asked Ashton. 

“I was looking at Cambridge since you’re probably going to go there. They have a really nice music program but they’re so hard to get into. I mean look at this, it says they accept students with GPAs of 3.8 and above. I’m barely passing my classes with a B, there’s no way I’ll get in.” 

“That’s really sweet of you to want to go to where I may go but keep your options open. Focus on what you want, not location,” Luke explained, sympathetic. 

“I’m not even sure I want to go to college, I don’t need college to be a drummer but I won’t make any money as one so maybe I should get a degree.” Ashton looked so unsure and maybe even a little scared. 

“Maybe just apply to a few different colleges and decide which to go to and if you go when the time comes.” Ashton nodded his head, taking the suggestion into consideration. He picked up three different applications from the table, one to Ruskin University which was located right by Cambridge, one to Auckland, and one to University of Sydney. He filled each out with a pit in his stomach and the fear of the mere possibility of him and Luke being apart next year. Sure he wanted to pursue a career in music but he also wanted to be with Luke. And he wasn’t sure if he could see a future without the boy. 

Luke and Ashton dressed up for school the next day, Luke wearing a blazer with his only pair of non-ripped black skinny jeans and Ashton wearing a flannel with black skinny jeans. There were pits in the bottom of their stomachs, today would decide the rest of their futures. In the school media center were the college reps from the universities of Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, Brown, Cambridge, Yale, Oxford, Ruskin, and Harvard. All of which were ranked in the world’s top universities, some were even ivy leagues. Seniors were scattered all over the media center, waiting for interviews, preparing for interviews and being interviewed. Ashton looked up, gazing into Luke’s eyes. Their eyes met, both held equal amounts of fear and nervousness. 

“You ready?” Luke asked him. 

“Don’t think I’ll ever be,” Ashton said in an unsure voice. Luke sent him a sympathetic glance then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Good luck, babe,” Luke said as they parted ways to go to their interviews. 

“You too.” Ashton first went over to Ruskin and Sydney. The reps listened to him and his interview didn’t go bad but it didn’t go well either. He could tell that once he left, his application would be placed in the discard pile. He would watch other students finish interviews with smiles on both the rep and their faces but that never happened to him. He was getting discouraged. He could see Harry across the room with a rep from Oxford, they were both laughing at some joke he had made. Ashton made his way over to where the students waiting to be interviewed for Auckland were. In the group were theater and choir nerds who had been in all of the school’s plays. Soon, he was called up for his interview. The rep was a lady who looked to be in her mid forties with short brown hair. Ashton handed her his application and anxiously took a seat across from her. 

“So tell me about yourself, Ashton,” she said with a polite smile. 

“Well, I’ve been on the school’s football team for the full time I’ve gone to this school. But I want to go into music and your school has one of the greatest music programs.” She went on to ask him some more boring questions. The end of the interview was nearing and it had gone pretty well, he hadn’t completely messed and she wasn’t looking at him like he was a fool but at the same time she wasn’t jumping out of her seat to accept him. 

“One last question, what makes you so different from all these other kids? Why should you get accepted instead of others?” she asked in a way that wasn’t mean nor strict. 

“Well, I may not have the best grades and I don’t exactly have many music credits on my diploma, and you’re probably wondering why I would even apply to this school instead of one like Cambridge where I could get a football scholarship but the thing is, most of my life I was told what I wanted to do with my life and what I should do with my life that I never got the chance to sit back and genuinely ask myself what I wanted to be doing the rest of my life. And that’s music, it’s been a love of mine since age five and I hope that you will take a chance on me and let me do what I love for the rest of my life.” The rep seemed thoroughly impressed. 

Ashton walked over to Luke who looked like he had just finished his interview with Cambridge. He had a huge smile on his face and was beaming from head to toe. 

“I got into Cambridge!” Luke nearly shouted as he hugged Ashton tight. And then it all suddenly hit Ashton at once. Luke would be going to the UK next for school and most likely, he wouldn’t. There was a pretty big chance of the two lovers being halfway across the world from each other. And Ashton wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle that. But he didn’t want to admit the fact that he could very well be away from Luke for the next chapter of his life. So he let the thought slide to the back of his mind and focus on Luke. 

“I’m so happy for you,” Ashton whispered to him. They pulled away from the hug looking at one another. 

“How did your interviews go?” Luke asked. And Ashton just couldn’t tell him the truth that he would most likely not get accepted into a college near Luke. 

“I got into Auskin,” he said in the smallest voice. 

“That’s amazing, Ash! This means we’re gonna be together next year!” 

And yeah he probably shouldn’t of lied. But Luke looked so hopeful and happy. He couldn’t dare to take that away from him.


	38. It's the Wrongs That Make the Words Come to Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I-I slept with Ashton,” he admitted, the words sounding bitter coming out of his mouth. His two brothers looked to each other then to Luke with softened expressions.  
>  “It’ll be okay, Luke. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember what happened last night,” Ben stated. Luke shook his head, tears spilling from his eyes.   
> “But I do, I remember it all.” It was the next words that shocked everyone, even Luke himself.   
> “I liked it.”  
>  or au where Luke and Ashton are best friends and hook up one drunken night and everything changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but here's more angst!  
> But I promise you, the next chapter is a Valentines day special and is supper fluffy and cute with some smut too.

_“And I want these words to make things right_

_But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life_

_"Who does he think he is?"_

_If that's the worst you got_

_Better put your fingers back to the keys_

_One night and one more time_

_Thanks for the memories_

_Even though they weren't so great”_

_\- Fall Out Boy (Thanks For The Memories)_

Luke sat at the dinner table with his family eating in silence. 

“Luke, we need to talk to you about Christmas and what happened that night,” his mother finally spoke up. He looked up from his plate, thinking that maybe, just maybe his parents actually cared. 

“Okay,” he said in a small quiet voice. 

“We think you should see someone.” Luke gave his parents a puzzled look, dropping his fork. His brothers stopped eating, glancing between each family member. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. His dad leaned forward, looking him in the eye. 

“We think it would be beneficial for you to see a therapist.” 

“You’re joking, right?” But his parents wore serious expressions. 

“You’ve been having panic attacks again, Luke,” his mom said with a worried look. 

“Yeah because of you.” 

“Luke, there’s no need to get mad at your mother. We’re just trying to help you.” 

“This is your version of helping me? Sending me to a shrink! The problem here isn’t me, it’s you,” he uttered. 

“Will you just listen to us for a minute, son?” 

“NO! When I told you I thought grandma was sick, you didn’t listen. When I told you I loved Ashton and was gay, you didn’t listen. Fuck, you didn’t even listen when I told you I thought Nichelle was in trouble and look where she is now!” The room filled with tension as well as silence. Neither of his parents knew what to say to that, cause deep down they knew it was the truth. 

Ashton entered his house, spotting his dad for the first time since winter break. His family had gotten back earlier in the week but his dad was always out when he was home. Almost as if he was avoiding his own son. Ashton entered the kitchen, his dad was at the table working on his computer. 

“How was the trip?” he asked his dad, trying to hide how much faith he had in him. 

“Not long enough,” his dad stated. Ashton stood there awkwardly, not sure if he should continue the conversation or just give up now. 

“Where did you guys go again?” Uncomfortable silence filled the air as his dad fixated on his screen. 

“New York.” He came off as irritated and annoyed. 

“Did you take the kids to see the ball drop?” His dad sighed loudly. 

“Can we stop with the twenty questions here.” Ashton sighed as he took a seat at the table adjacent from his father. 

“Can we please talk about this?” 

“We have nothing to talk about.” 

“Are you ever going to stop being mad at me?” he asked with desperation in his voice. 

“I don’t know.” Every memory Ashton had ever had with his dad replayed in his mind. His dad telling him the story of santa at age 2, reading him storybooks when he was 4, playing dinosaurs with him when he was 5, his dad teaching him how to swim when he was 6, his dad dragging him to church for the first time when he was 8, taking him to his first PG-13 rated movie when he was 10, taking him to his first football game when he was 12, helping him practice for the primary football team, him coming to every single one of his games and cheering him on. 

“Why?” Ashton asked in a final attempt. 

“Why what?” 

“Why are you so mad me? Do you hate me now or something?” His dad’s face softened as he looked up from his computer for the first time during the whole conversation. 

“You’re my son, I could never hate you.” He paused before going on, making direct eye contact for the first time since he came out. 

“I’m mad because I feel like you have so much to offer this world and you’re throwing it all away for this. You are destined for something great but you won’t get anywhere if you’re openly gay.” 

“Being gay doesn’t change any of that, in the US they have gay singers and basketball players. This doesn’t change anything.” 

“But it does son, it does,” his father’s voice cracked, on the verge of tears. 

“It doesn’t, I’m still going to college, I’m still going to have a future, I’m still me, dad.” 

“You don’t understand. We will never hear the end of this between the parents gossiping and judgement from everyone.” 

“Who fuckin’ cares what they think?” Ashton shouted. Somewhere during their conversation they both stood up on their feet. 

“I do, son. I do!” he yelled his voice finally cracking. 

“Why? Their opinions don’t matter.” 

“Maybe not to you but they matter to me.” And suddenly Ashton felt sympathy for his dad for caring more about his reputation than his own son. This world had corrupted him, years ago his dad would never chose his reputation over his son, he’s never cared until recently. There was no hope for him. Once one has been corrupted, there’s no going back.


	39. I'm Falling Even More In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day!!!!!<3

_“I'm falling even more in love with you_

_Letting go of all I've held on to_

_I'm standing here until you make me move_

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you”_

_\- Lifehouse (Hanging By a Moment)_

Ashton had always hated valentines day. He thought it was the worst holiday in the world. Usually, he would just end up hanging with his friends on valentines day and making up some excuse to Katie for why they couldn’t be together on valentines day. This year was different though, he actually had a valentine that he was in love with and wanted to make him feel special. He had never brought a valentines day present for anyone, so he didn’t know what was enough and what was too much. He entered Hallmark which looked like a big heart full of candy and teddy bears had exploded inside of the store. There was pink and red everywhere. Ashton was reminded of why he hated this holiday. It was so cliche and full of unfulfilled promises and in the end made everyone just feel either really lonely or really loved. He recognized a few students from the school. He went over to the chocolate aisle. He was overwhelmed by it all, there were three whole aisles of different chocolates, each wrapped and packaged in a different way. 

“First valentines day?” a female voice said from behind him. The voice was recognizable, he just couldn’t place who yet. He spun around to see Katie. It was his first time seeing her since the breakup. She seemed...fine. He wasn’t sure what he expected maybe he thought she would be in her sweats with tear stricken eyes with the fact that this year she wouldn’t have a valentine or anyone she loved. 

“Yeah,” he said in an unsure voice. She smiled at him, her eyes bright as the sun. 

“Chocolates and flowers are always good but with Luke, I’d also make sure to get him a penguin stuffed animal,” she suggested. Ashton’s eyes skimmed down the aisle, there were just so many choices. 

“Thanks.” 

“You can never go wrong with truffles,” she said noticing Ashton’s wandering eyes. He reached forward grabbing a heart-shaped package of Lindor truffles that had red ribbon around it. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he finally said after moments of awkward silence. They made their way over to the stuffed animal aisle. 

“Don’t be, I’m over it. I’m really happy for you and Luke,” she told him as she picked out a small plush penguin, handing it to Ashton. 

“You are?” He looked at her, his eyes wide and bewilder. He wasn’t used to hearing that, especially from his classmates. But Katie was more than his classmate, she was his friend and girlfriend for a long period of his life. 

“Yeah, it all makes sense now. Why you became so distant towards the end of our relationship. You were scared of what could happen-what has happened.” She went on as they walked over to the flowers. 

“I don’t blame you nor am I mad at you. You can’t help who you fall in love with. At one time or another you and I did love each other but it was just simple puppy love. Nothing like what you and Luke have. I can just see it in your eyes how much you love him.” They stopped walking, looking one another in the eye. 

“So who are you valentines day shopping for?” he asked motioning to the basket of chocolates in her hands. 

“It may sound lame but I’m actually buying these for my friends. We’re having a girls night on valentines day, watching cliche romance movies while eating chocolate,” she explained. 

“No, it doesn’t sound lame.” 

“Well, I better go pay for these. Just stick with simple and get him roses,” she told him as she turned to leave. 

“Thanks Katie, for everything. I hope someday you’ll have a valentine who will be madly in love with you and actually spend valentines day with you.” She smiled at him before walking away. 

* * * 

Ashton waited for Luke to finish up getting ready to take him to school on valentines day. It was on a friday this year. Luke came down the stairs wearing his usual black skinnies and band shirt. Ashton held a bouquet of roses in his hands as well as a heart shaped container of truffles and a penguin stuffed animal. Luke smiled wide, his cheeks heating up when he saw the gifts in the boy’s arms. 

“I thought we weren’t getting each other anything for valentines day,” Luke said with a confused yet amused look. Ashton handed him the gifts. 

“I changed my mind,” he stated while Luke just stared at the presents in his hands. He had never gotten a gift from anyone ever for valentines day. 

“But I didn’t get-.” Ashton interrupted before he could continue already knowing the end to that sentence. 

“It’s fine.” Both boys smiled wide. Luke opened up the heart contained, grabbing a truffle from it. He put it up to Ashton’s face, trying to get him to eat it. 

“No, they’re for you,” he said with a laugh. 

“And I want you to have one.” Ashton gave in, letting Luke feed him the chocolate. He then bought their lips together, wrapping his arm that didn’t hold the gifts around Ashton’s waist. They both pulled back from the kiss smiling. 

“I’m taking you on a date after school,” Ashton told the boy. 

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, you know that right?” he exclaimed as he held the penguin in front of Ashton’s face. 

“I better be, that penguin was expensive.” They both chuckled, eyes bright and smile wide. 

Ashton took Luke out to some fancy restaurant after school where they stuffed their stomachs until they couldn't possibly eat anymore. Ashton then took Luke back to his place where he had rose petals paid all over his bedroom with candles being the only light source. Luke smiled in disbelief. He placed his hands on Ashton’s waist, leaning in to kiss him, a short and sweet kiss. 

“I can’t believe you did all this for me,” Luke whispered, their faces less than an inch apart. 

“Happy valentines day, love,” he said with a smile. The space between theirs faces closed, lips meeting lips, skin touching skin. Everything was very slow and if sex could be elegant that would be it. They didn’t rush things, took their time removing each other’s clothes, making sure to kiss every inch of each other. Ashton lay on top of Luke on the bed that had rose petals all over it. There were some in his hair, making him look utterly adorable. Their bodies collided in pure bliss, taking their time to enjoy the beauty of each other and how amazing it felt when they were together. They didn’t have sex or shag or fuck or whatever you want to call it, they made love. It wasn’t tough nor crazy nor abusive, it was sweet and elegant and lovely. It wasn’t how movies, songs, and books portrayed it nowadays. There was no blindfolding, no screaming, no blood, just love. And if it was even possible, Luke fell even more in love with Ashton that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending scene there, throws shade at 50 Shades of Grey. I do not support 50 Shades of Grey the movie and book at all. Frankly, the writing is terrible, the storyline is unrealistic and has terrible themes. Like I'm sorry but if a guy is cheating on you, you gotta leave.I think the exact same thing about After and even signed a petition for it not to be made into a movie. Relationships should be about love, not sex nor danger. If what Ana and Christian have is considered love, I never want to fall in love. This is just my opinion, you are entitled to your own opinion, so you may not agree with me.


	40. It's a Very, Very Mad World

_“And I find it kinda funny_

_I find it kinda sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying_

_Are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take_

_When people run in circles_

_It's a very, very mad world, mad world”_

_\- Gary Jules (Mad World)_

Luke and Ashton exited the school hand in hand talking excitedly about the latest episode of the Walking Dead. Students were all piling into their cars. The air was hot and humid, almost too hot for it to be enjoyable to be outside for more than a second. Everyone had pulled out their shorts and tanks that morning for school. They made their way across the parking lot noticing Harry and Louis get into Louis’ car and Katie talking to Michelle. They seemed to be arguing about something. 

“Maybe we could go swimming in your pool,” Luke suggested already sweating from the short walk and unbearable heat. 

“Yeah, I haven’t used that pool since last summer,” he noted. They were now in the back of the parking lot where the garbage cans were. They noticed a group of boys by the garbage cans, leaning on their cars smoking. They recognized the group immediately, it was the boys who had beat them up before. 

“Look what we have here,” Nick said as he tossed his cigarette. He made his way over to them, his friends gathering around behind him. 

“Not today, Nick. Can you please just let us get to my car?” Luke pleaded putting up a front. They were well out numbered. 

“Why you in such a rush? Got a gay date to attend to,” he mocked with a smirk on his face. Ashton looked at each of the boys with fear evident in his orbs. Luke on the other hand remained composed, at least on the outside. 

“Just let us through,” Luke said trying to walk past them but getting shoved back. 

“No can do, faggot.” The group crowded around them, leaving the two boys in the middle of the boys. The boys sent looks to each other, making an unspoken plan. Nick pushed Ashton onto the pavement hard. His body hit the pavement with force, aching with pain. Nick then straddled Ashton and punched him repeatedly in the face. Meanwhile, Ryan and Chase grabbed Luke, holding him up while Brian kicked him in the stomach persistently. Luke had never been in so much pain in his life. It felt like having a knife to the stomach every five seconds. His stomach felt like it was on fire and was in agonizing pain. His legs were giving out but Ryan and Chase held him up. Ashton was losing consciousness. He couldn’t hear anything except for the sound of skin hitting skin. He felt all his blood rushing to his head, making him feel dizzy and nauseous. The world was spinning around him as he cried out in pain. His screams were loud and high pitched laced with agony. Numerous students walked by the scene, but not a single one stopped it nor went to get a teacher. Instead they just walked on ignoring the scene. The beating went on for several more minutes, and soon Ashton had blacked out. Luke kept on waiting and waiting for the constant pain and kicking to stop or for a sudden yell that would make them disperse but it never came. Everyone had left school but now, the back lot was vacant. Nick stepped off Ashton noticing the lack of response. He looked at the boy with panic. All that ran through his mind was that he might of killed a guy. He quickly put his fingers to Ashton’s pulse where he could feel a faint beat. 

“Guys, let’s get out of here!” Nick shouted as he stood up facing the others who were still beating up Luke. They released Luke, throwing him to the pavement and ran off to their cars, speeding off. Luke just laid there, regathering his breath. He tried to get up but he didn’t have the strength within himself to stand. He began to give up hope when he heard the sound of a car in the distance. He turned his head to see a car pulling up to the school. He gathered all the energy he had and began screaming for help. The car made its way over to them then stopped. Footsteps could be heard running over to them. 

“Oh my god, are you guys okay?” the voice asked already knowing the answer. 

“Get Ashton first,” Luke managed out. He still couldn’t make out who the person was but knew it was a guy by his voice. He ran over to Ashton, carrying him over to his car where he laid him across the car seats. 

“Can you stand up?” he asked Luke as he stood above him. 

“If you help me,” he said in a strained voice. The stranger grabbed Luke’s hand, pulling him up. Luke’s eyes came face to face with familiar light green eyes. 

“Michael,” Luke huffed out staring at the face he had grown accustomed to in his eighteen years of life. 

“Luke.” Michael stared at him in disbelief and maybe even a little guilt. 

“We need to get Ashton to the hospital,” Luke said reminding them of the unconscious boy in the car. 

“Of course, I’ll drive you two there.” Michael helped him get into the passenger seat then went around and took the driver’s seat. Luke looked over his shoulder spotting Ashton. He hadn’t gotten a good look at him until now. He had scrapes on his arms as well as bruises covering his face. His lip was busted and his nose looked broken. His eyes were shot close. Luke never took his eyes off the boy the entire drive. 

“You can just drop us off, I can carry him in,” Luke told Michael as the pulled around the front of the hospital. 

“No, I’ll go in with you. I’m your ride home, right?” Their eyes met momentarily. Regret and remorse were shown in Michael’s green orbs while Luke’s blue showed sadness and maybe a little bit of fear. They exited the car, Michael carrying Ashton while Luke lead the way into the hospital. Luke rushed over the reception desk, Michael close behind him. Luke yelled getting the lady’s attention and Ashton was put on a stretcher, taken away by paramedics. Luke was forced to be examined when all he wanted to do was wait for Ashton. A doctor looked him over, cleaning off the blood and putting a bandage over the huge bruise on his stomach then given some pain meds. Once Luke was finished being examined, he went out with Michael to the waiting room where they waited to hear word of Ashton. Luke wait impatiently, tapping his foot restlessly against the floor. A doctor came out of the room Ashton had been in. Luke stood up immediately. 

“How is he? Will he be okay?” he asked, worry evident in his voice. 

“He has a minor concussion and should wake up soon. He has a broken nose, I reset the bone so he should be fine, he’ll just need to ice his nose twice a day and take some pain meds. He should be able to go home within a couple hours.” 

“C-can I see him?” Luke choked out, his voice small and strained. 

“Yes.” Michael waited outside the room while Luke entered the small room. Ashton was laid on the hospital bed, his face covered in purple bruises, a bandage around his nose, and his eyes shut tight. Luke stood beside the boy, reaching out to hold his hand. 

“You’re gonna be okay, Ash,” he told the boy as tears fell from his eyes. Michael watched the two with sympathy. He could tell just how much Luke loved Ashton by the way he looked like he was paralyzed with fear for the boy. It made Michael question everything, his reaction to Ashton and Luke being a couple, the bible, sins, sexuality. He began to think that maybe two men could love each other the way a man and a women could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting towards the end! I am debating on whether I should do a sequel once this one is over, do you think I should do a sequel?


	41. Something's Gotta Give

_" Wake me up_

_Say enough is enough_

_I'm dying to live_

_Something's gotta give_

_Oh_

_Pull me out_

_I've been sinking down_

_I'm dying to live_

_Something's gotta give”_

_\- All Time Low_

Luke and Ashton hesitantly entered the school on Monday. Ashton had spent the weekend in bed recovering, he still had a black eye and bruises but he wasn’t in as much pain. They got strange looks from just about everyone all day. When they sat down at the lunch table, Harry did a double take. His jaw dropped as his eyes held sympathy. 

“What happened?” he asked. Ashton stared at the dirty lunch table. 

“After school on friday, some guys beat us up in the parking lot,” Luke explained. 

“Was it the same guys that beat you up after practice that one day?” Ashton nodded his head. 

“How many times have they beaten you guys up?” Ashton looked around obviously uncomfortable with the subject. 

“This would be the third time.” Harry gaped. 

“Have you told anyone?” 

“No.” 

“Why not? You should tell the principle,” Harry suggested. Luke shuddered as a memory from the weekend replayed in his mind. He couldn’t get the words out of his head. 

Ashton laid with his head rested on Luke’s chest. They laid in silence as they looked up at the glow up stars on Luke’s ceiling. 

“Luke,” Ashton choked out. He hadn’t spoken to anyone since friday. Luke hummed in response, happy to hear his voice again in what felt like ages but in fact was three days. 

“M-maybe we deserved to get beat up.” The smile on Luke’s face suddenly dropped. 

“Why would you think that?” he asked. 

“It’s just everyone keeps on telling us how wrong this relationship is. Maybe it is.” Luke’s heart ached for the boy. He placed his hand on Ashton’s chin, forcing him to look Luke in the eye. 

“Ash, do you love me?” 

“Yeah but-.” Luke cut him off before he could continue. 

“No buts, we love each other and that is all that matters. Who cares what everybody else thinks.” 

“Maybe I care,” he said in the smallest voice. Luke’s eyes softened. 

“Ash, in a few months we’ll be out of here and we’ll never have to see these idiots again. It’s not gonna matter once we’re in college.” Ashton seemed like he want to say more but he didn’t say a thing. 

“We can’t,” Ashton told Harry, bringing Luke back to the present. 

“Because..?” 

“Because if we tell then it’d just get worse.” 

“No, it won’t. The longer you let them get away with this, the longer they will continue to bully you.” Luke knew he was right, and deep down so did Ashton. After lunch, Luke and Ashton walked in silence to the principal's office. The receptionist lady looked up from her desk when they entered the office. 

“We need to speak to Mr. Watson.” 

“He’s in the first room to the right.” Ashton’s insides as well as his outsides were shaking. Luke reached out to him, lacing their fingers together. They entered the small room, Mr. Watson sat at his desk on his computer. He looked up from the screen. 

“How may I help you two?” he asked in a light tone. 

“There’s something we need to tell you.” He then noticed the bruises on both boys. 

“Take a seat.” They both hesitantly sat down. They told him of all the bullying, physical and verbal. He listened the whole time with an understanding look. When they finished telling him, he looked to each of them. 

“Well, this school does not tolerate bullying. I’ll make sure they never bother you two again.” They both nodded and stood up, leaving his office. 

“Come back if you have any more issues.” Both boys later learned that the group of boys were all suspended for the rest of the school year and would have to go to summer school in order to graduate.


	42. I Think I'll Start a New Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, you may cry, you may scream, you may hate me after this chapter.
> 
> Make sure you listen to Boston by Augustana while reading this chapter.

_“She said I think I'll go to Boston..._

_I think I'll start a new life,_

_I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,_

_I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,_

_I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain..._

_Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,_

_I think that I'm just tired_

_I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind..._

_I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,_

_I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,”_

_\- Augustana (Boston)_

“Ashton, you got something in the mail,” his younger brother said as he handed him the three envelopes that would seal his fate. 

“What are they?” Harry asked curious. 

“Nothing,” he said as he went upstairs to his room. He sat on his bed, carefully holding the letter, as if they contained gold inside. His hands were tremulous and he could feel his heart beat rapidly. He took a deep breath, then with shaking hands opened the first letter. He unfolded the paper delicately. His eyes skimmed the words. He hadn’t gotten into Sydney University. Ashton put it to the other side of his bed and opened the other letter. He was afraid of opening the next letter. It could determine the rest of his life for him. If he got in, he could spend the next chapter of his life with Luke but if he didn’t….He didn’t even want to think about what he would do if he didn’t get in. His eyes remained shut as he opened the letter. When he opened them, his fate was sealed. 

Luke pulled his hood over his head as he ran out to get the mail. The acceptance letters were supposed to come today. However, Luke was almost certain he’d gotten into Cambridge. He opened the mailbox, seeing two magazines, and some envelops. He grabbed them and darted for the house. He came in soaking wet, getting water all over the floor. He didn’t even take the time to take his shoes or hood off. He was anxious. 

“Did my magazine come?” Jack asked as he entered the hall. 

“Yeah,” he said as he handed him the magazine. He then sorted through the mail, finding the letter addressed from Cambridge. 

“What’s that?” Jack asked. Ben entered the room in that moment. 

“It’s from Cambridge.” Both brothers knew how important that letter was. Luke’s hands were shaking. 

“Here, I’ll open it,” Ben offered. Luke handed him the letter, watching his brother anxiously as Ben took his time to open it. 

“Would you just open it already?” Luke asked impatient. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He tore open the letter, taking out the folded up paper out from the envelope. To Luke the whole thing seemed to be happening in slow motion. 

“Luke, you didn’t get in,” Ben said. His heart dropped and he was just about to cry because Cambridge was his dream when he noticed the smirk on his brother’s face. 

“Kidding, you got in!” his brother shouted in a high pitched voice. Luke grabbed the letter, reading it over and over again, smiling wider than the sun. 

A day later, the two boys met up at the forest. The sky was grey and foreshadowed a storm. Yet at the same time it was the hottest it had been in years. Luke smiled wide as him and Ashton made their way to the tree house. Ashton hadn’t spoken a word since they’ve met up. His stomach was twisted in knots and his heart ached in his chest. Luke and him went up the tree house where there was a picnic basket and wine glasses. 

“I thought we could celebrate, you know for both getting accepted into colleges.” Luke held the biggest smile. It hurt Ashton so much, there was no way he could tell him but at the same time there was no way he couldn’t not tell him. They both sat down, eating the sandwiches Luke had made. Luke went on and on about how amazing the next chapter of their lives was going to be. How they would get an apartment together between the two colleges, how’d they leave this summer to go apartment hunting, how they would have to buy warmer clothes, how they would have to get their passports, how during the winter break they could come back home together to visit family, how they would be together, together, together all the time. Luke poured them both a glass of wine. 

“To the future,” he said. He was literally glowing and Ashton felt like a scrooge. 

“To the future,” Ashton said in a broken voice. 

Luke went on and on about how amazing life at college would be. 

“We could visit the Tower of London and actually see snow and see some palaces and-” 

“Luke, I can’t do this,” Ashton summered out. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, his blue eyes filled with innocence and hope. 

“Us, this, college.” 

“What are you trying to say?” Luke seemed so confused and lost. 

“I didn’t get into Ruskin, Luke. We won’t be together next year,” he said shattering all of Luke’s hopes and dreams with that one sentence. His smile faded as realization hit him. 

“You could come with me to London and go to a community college there or start a band there, there’s lots of talented musicians there,” Luke said incredulous to the mere thought of him and the boy he was in love with being apart next year. 

“I got into Auckland, as in Auckland, New Zealand.” Luke’s face fell. 

“We could still work things out, long distance. Visit each other during breaks and use Skype and facetime in the meantime. We can make this work.” 

“Long distance relationships never work,” Ashton said shattered. 

“But we’ll make it work, we can make it work.” Tears fell down the boy’s face. 

“I think we should break up,” Ashton stated even though that was the opposite of what he wanted to do. But he couldn’t put Luke through a long distance relationship and frankly Ashton believed Luke deserved better than him. He deserved someone who would drop everything and move half across the world to be with him and Ashton thought he just wasn’t that guy. 

“But we love each other,” he said in the most destroyed voice. 

“We’re gonna have to learn how to not love each other.” Ashton stood up, making his way out of the tree house. 

“What about all the things we sacrificed in order to be together? We lost our best friends and even the support of our families. If you leave right now, then it’ll all be for nothing.” 

“Maybe it was for nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know you all probably hate right now for this chapter but like any other relationship, ashton and luke are going to have troubles and fights and break ups. i like to make my stories as realistic as possible and in reality couples fight and breakup and get back together and breakup again. this is the climax of the story and there are only 8 chapters left. let me know your thoughts on the chapter.


	43. Chapter 43: The Curse of Having Too Much Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically a nice break from the angst and drama.  
> (this whole chapter is a flashback/memory)

_“This is the memory_

_This is the curse of having_

_Too much time to think about it_

_It's killing me_

_This is the last time_

_This is my forgiveness_

_This is endless”_

_\- Mayday Parade(The Memory)_

September 02, 2000 

Luke clutched onto his older brother’s hand as they entered the classroom. There were about fifteen other kids Luke’s age with their parents. Luke was the only one with his brother there instead of a parent. His brother was only ten years old yet he was the one to take care of Luke and his other brother, Ben. 

“I don’t wanna go,” Luke whined as he looked at the other kids with fear. 

“It’ll be fine, Luke. You’ll make some friends and get to play,” Jack tried to explain to his brother. 

Across the room, Ashton was saying goodbye to his dad. He wasn’t whining nor crying, instead he looked happy and excited. He left his dad, sitting on the circle carpet. 

“Hi, I’m Calum,” a boy with black hair said. Ashton smiled at the boy. Calum held a dinosaur stuffed animal in his arms. 

“I’m Ashton, I like your stuffed animal.” Both boys smiled wide. They then looked across the room to see Luke, who looked like he was about to cry. His arms were latched around a stuffed animal penguin. 

Hey, come over here,” Ashton called to Luke. The boy looked at him both shocked and confused. He cautiously made his way over to them. The boys introduced themselves to each other. 

What’s your penguin's name?” Ashton asked. 

Waddle,” he said in a timid voice. 

Did either of you bring food?” an obnoxious little boy with thin blonde hair and green eyes asked. 

“Yeah,” Calum said. 

“Can I have it?” 

“No, it’s for snack time.” 

“But I’m hungry!” Luke and Ashton chuckled at the bickering going on between the two of them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

July 24, 2003 

“I wanna go exploring,” Luke told Ashton. They were inside his house, bored out of their minds. 

“There’s these woods I saw just up the road,” he suggested. 

“Let’s go!” Luke determined. They hopped off the boy’s bed and made their way out the door. 

“Where are you two going?” Jack asked them as they were about to leave. 

“Just to Ashton’s,” Luke lied knowing his brother would say no if he told the truth. 

“Okay, be back by dinner.” With that the two boys started on their walk to the woods, Ashton leading the way. 

“Nichelle is the most annoying sister,” Luke told the boy. 

“She’s always making me watch My Little Pony with her and play barbies with her.” 

“Hey, my little pony is a great show,” Ashton joked. They arrived at the woods. 

“This is so cool,” Luke commented. They walked slowly and cautiously, having never been there before. They were absolutely amazed with their surroundings. To most people, it was just another forest but to them it was like finding a buried treasure or a closet to Narnia. 

“Look! It’s a treehouse!” Ashton exclaimed excited. Both boys’ eyes lit up and smiles grew upon their faces. 

“Race ya to the top!” With that the two darted to the tree, only slowing to climb up the ladder. Luke was the first to reach the top. He stood in that tree house like he was the king of the world. 

“Wow, you can see everything from up here,” Ashton stated. 

“Let’s make this our hideout, a place to go when we need to escape from home,” Luke told him. 

“It could be like our neverland, but I totally call being Peter Pan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, this is a filler chapter but it has some important stuff. I wanted to show how the boys all became friends and how they were there for each other from day one, i also wanted to show how the whole neverland thing started. also, i've started working on the sequel and i can't figure out a name, here are the choices;  
> Kids in the Dark  
> Six Feet Under the Stars  
> Outlines  
> Future Hearts  
> Edge of Tonight  
> To Live and Let Go  
> If y'all could please comment which one you like the best that'd be great. thank you for all of the support on this book:) seven chapter to go!


	44. Chapter 44: Come Home and Stop This Pain Tonight

_“Where are you and I'm so sorry_

_I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight_

_I need somebody and always_

_This sick strange darkness_

_Comes creeping on so haunting every time_

_And as I stared I counted_

_Webs from all the spiders_

_Catching things and eating their insides_

_Like indecision to call you_

_and hear your voice of treason_

_Will you come home and stop this pain tonight.”_

_\- Blink 182 (I Miss You)_

Luke woke up to the blaring sound of his alarm clock. For a moment, he had forgotten about the breakup with Ashton. He jumped out of bed, getting dressed then got in his car to drive to Ashton’s. But then it hit him. Ashton and him broke up last night. It felt like someone had ripped Luke’s heart out of his chest. He rested his hands on the steering wheel, sobbing. He felt shattered and broken in every possible way. He had never hurt so much in his life. Luke felt as if his whole world had been torn apart, flipped upside down, and burned to pieces. He put his keys in the car, blasting This Women’s Work. It was still raining from the previous day which seemed to fit Luke’s gloomy mood. He didn’t drive to school. He couldn’t deal with going there today. He couldn’t deal with seeing Ashton. He couldn’t deal with all the memories of him and Ashton that clouded his head. He couldn’t deal with the strong longing for Ashton to hold him. 

Meanwhile, Ashton was numb to the pain, he refused to stop for a second and actually think about what had happened. Instead, he piled himself in school work and did everything within his power to ignore the fact that he was dying on the inside. He felt as if he were slowly deteriorating on the inside, yet remained composed on the outside. He tried not to let the fact that Luke didn’t show up to school that day affect him. Harry could tell something was wrong, he would try to pry it out of him but he wouldn’t budge. Instead he changed the subject and let Harry talk his ear off about how he got accepted into Oxford. Everyone was talking of the future, how they had their whole next chapter of their lives planned out. How they were going to go to college then become what they’d aspired to be since they were five. But Ashton refused to talk of the future. It scared him in every possible way. He was scared that he would fail out of college, that he’d make no friends at the new school, that he’d regret even applying to the school, that he’d change his mind and no longer want to go there. But what scared him the most was the mere thought of how far away he’d be from Luke. 

Luke parked his car, stepping out into the pouring rain, not caring at all that his clothes were going to get soaked. He walked through the mud getting the bottom of his jeans and converse dirty and wet. He didn’t even notice the mud seeping into his wet shoes. He walked zombie-like, his eyes half open, moving one foot at a time, staring blankly in front of him. As he walked through the woods, unbearable memories came to him. 

_When Luke reached the top he saw that there were candles and a blanket and food as well as flowers._

_“Ashton, you didn’t have to do all of this for me,” Luke said, his heart swelling._

_“But I did,” Ashton said as he wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist._

Tears prickled down Luke’s face. In the mere distance, luke could see two boys, he was watching the memory from outside his body. 

_“I like it here, I don’t know why we ever stopped going here,” Luke told him. They sat on the floor of the treehouse as they began eating their food._

_“I think it was because our parents banned us from going here ‘cause they were afraid we would get lost or get hurt.” They both chuckled, their parents couldn’t care less about them now._

_“Let’s make this our place, like where we go to hang out and talk and be ourselves.” Ashton knew what he meant, they were free here, they could kiss and show as much affection as they wanted here without worry of getting caught._

_“It’s always been our place.”_

Ashton had made Luke feel so special and important and loved. He knew that no one else in the whole world could make him feel that way. Luke believed that what he and Ashton had was infinite. But if it was infinite, why wasn’t Ashton standing right beside him now? “I figured we could have a jam session, just sing random songs that we love.” 

_“Sounds perfect.”_

_They played every song they could ever think of and knew the lyrics to._ Visions of Luke and Ashton sitting on the floor of the tree house singing flashed through his mind. With Ashton, Luke was able to forget about all the terrible things going on in his life. 

_“I figured we would watch the sunset from here as we ate,” Luke said as he took out the chinese food from the bags._

_“Who knew you could be so romantic,” Ashton said with a chuckle. They began eating their food, which they finished before the sunset had even begun. Luke laid down on the blanket and let Ashton rest his head on his chest. They looked up at the sky as they watched the sun fall away. And suddenly, Luke wasn’t so scared anymore._

_“Ashton,” Luke said making Ashton look up at him. Their eyes shined into each other and the moment was right._

_“I love you, I love you Ashton.” His eyes never left the boy’s as he told him. Ashton smiled wide and brought their lips together._

_“I love you too, Luke.”_

Ashton taught Luke what it felt like to fall in love and be in love. He loved everything about love, how just thinking of Ashton would make him smile, how he got butterflies in his stomach when speaking to the boy, how his cheeks flushed red when he spoke of them, how infinite and safe he felt when he was in Ashton’s arms, how he never wanted the feeling to stop. But here he was, alone in the rain with a broken heart. He had reached the treehouse, however it no longer a tree house. Instead it was a pile of jumbled wood. Luke found it ironic how the tree house burnt down along with his heart. 

~~~~~~~ 

Luke had refused to go to school all week. He faked being sick whenever his family would ask him why he wasn’t at school and did the old thermometer in the hot chocolate trick to fake a temperature. He simply just laid on the couch watching episode after episode of One Tree Hill. Every single thing reminded Luke of Ashton. The couch he sat on was the one they made love on while watching an episode of One Tree Hill, his driveway reminded him of when Ashton would take him to school in the morning, the front door reminded Luke of the late night hugs and conversations they had, the kitchen reminded him of Christmas dinner and how Ashton had comforted him, his own bedroom reminded him of how Ashton talked him down from a panic attack. He kept on thinking, hoping that one day he would wake up from this nightmare and Ashton would be right beside him. 

“Are you feeling any better today?” Ben asked as he entered the room. Luke faked a coughing fit. 

“Not really,” he said, trying his best to sound unwell. Jack took a seat beside Luke, both of his brothers looking at him with sympathy. 

“What’s really going on, Luke?” Jack asked. Luke did everything within his power to avoid eye contact, he kept his eyes glued to the TV. 

“C’mon Luke, you can tell us,” Ben said in a soft voice. But Luke knew if he were to say it out loud then it would be real and he’d have to admit that he just might spend the rest of his life alone. 

“Did something happen with Ashton?” Just hearing his name made Luke cringe. He gave up, turning to meet their gaze. 

“W-we broke up,” he stuttered out sounding completely and utterly broken and shattered in every which way. Their eyes longed to understand. Jack pulled Luke into a hug, Ben joining in. Luke sobbed into the embrace. 

Luke fell asleep that night, hugging the stuffed penguin Ashton had given him for Valentines day, sobbing, with a longing pain in his heart to be with the boy he loved.


	45. Between How It Is and How It Should Be

_“Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor”_

_\- Switchfoot_

Luke was halfway through season four of One Tree Hill when there was a knock at the door. It had now been a week since the break up and Luke was yet to move from the couch. He groaned loudly, paused the TV and went to the door. Deep down inside of him, he hoped that it was Ashton behind that door. But of course, it wasn’t Ashton. Instead it was a familiar boy with green eyes, and dark blue dyed hair. Michael. He must have just gotten his hair dyed in the last week since the last time Luke saw him he had bright pink hair. He seemed nervous and very out of his element. 

“I thought I would bring over the homework from all the classes you missed,” he said in an unsure voice. Luke looked at him surprised. 

“Thanks, come in,” Luke said stepping to the side, letting Michael in. He observed his surroundings, it had felt like years since the last time he was at Luke’s house but at the same time it felt like it was yesterday. 

“So, how are you? Feeling any better?” Michael asked ending the awkward silence. The boys took a seat on the couch, Michael placed a folder with Luke’s homework on the table. 

“No, not really,” he uttered as he faked a cough. 

“I was surprised Ashton hadn’t picked up your homework,” Michael commented. They both avoided eye contact as if they would die if their eyes were to meet. Luke didn’t say a word, he wasn’t sure what to say to that. 

“How’s Ashton been?” Luke couldn’t help but to ask. 

“He seems fine. I haven’t really spoken to him much.” Michael began to catch on, if Luke and Ashton were in a good place then he wouldn’t of asked that and if they were in a good place, it would be Ashton sitting there on that couch next to the ‘sick’ boy instead of him. 

“D-did something happen between you two?” he asked in a very cautious voice. Luke’s head snapped up, peering up at the boy he used to consider his friend. He vaguely nodded his head. 

“Wh-what happened?” 

“We broke up,” Luke said sounding like a ghost. 

“Why?” he asked, testing the waters. 

“We got into different colleges that are on the opposite sides of the universe,” Luke spoke in a dull, apathetic voice. 

“What about trying a long distance relationship?” Michael wondered out loud. 

“Those never work out, at least that’s what Ashton thinks.” Silence drew on between them. 

“Why do you even care anywhere? Shouldn’t you be celebrating that we broke up?” Luke integrated Michael with a harsh tone of voice. Michael sighed deeply, glancing up at the boy he had known his whole life. 

“I might not agree with you two being together but I still want you two to be happy. And you are obviously not happy without him.” Luke stared at Michael astonished. He had just about given up on all hopes of the two of them ever being friends again. But here Michael was acting like the best friend he’d grown up with. 

Ashton was left in charge of his two younger siblings while both his parents were out working late. He sat on the couch with his siblings watching an episode of Spongebob. His brother and sister both stared at the TV with amusement. Meanwhile, Ashton couldn’t help but to think of Luke. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep Luke off his mind for even a moment. He missed the boy and as much as he hated to admit it, he was still in love with the boy. He missed Luke’s light blue eyes that looked like the spring sky. He missed Luke’s soft pink lips that he loved and still desired to kiss. He missed Luke’s long lengthy legs that could so easily wrap around Ashton’s waist. He missed the butterflies that filled his stomach every time he looked at Luke. He missed Luke’s love for penguins and how he never with a day without mentioning them. He missed Luke’s husky voice that sounded of heaven to Ashton. He missed Luke’s giggle and laugh. He missed holding Luke in his arms. He missed everything about the boy and everything they ever did together. He missed Luke, period. He felt lost in the middle of the ocean without him. Like he was constantly at risk of drowning and was barely keeping his head above water. 

“Do Spongebob and Patrick love each other?” Harry asked, bringing Ashton back to reality. 

“I guess you could say that,” Ashton replied. 

“Have you ever been in love?” Lauren wondered. 

“Yeah, I have,” he said in a small voice. 

“What does it feel like, to fall in love?” Lauren stared at her brother with curiosity in her eyes. 

“Well, it feels incredible. You get butterflies in your stomach whenever you look at them. And everything just seems like things couldn’t get any better. You feel like you can conquer anything when you’re with that person. You feel sparks and see fireworks when you touch them or kiss them. You feel completely and utterly lost without them by your side.” 

Ashton had an epiphany in that moment as he told his siblings of love, he had to make things right with Luke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only 5 chapters left!! i've already started working on the sequel. thank you all so much for the reads, kudos and bookmarks.


	46. Chapter 46: They're Not Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is a flashback.

_“Those three words_

_Are said too much_

_They're not enough_

_If I lay here_

_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”_

_\- Snow Patrol (Chasing Cars)_

November 13, 2011 

It was a nasty day out that day. It poured down rain all day, thunder shaking the walls and lightening striking the trees. Luke entered his house, just getting back from football practice. The house was oddly quiet and still. All the lights in the house were dimmed. 

“Nichelle, I’m home!” Luke called out. He made his way to the dining room where Nichelle stood frozen. She held a gun in her hands, staring at it blankly. Luke just stared at her in shock and horror. 

“Wh-what are you doing?” he managed to ask with a tremulous voice. 

“What does it look like,” she said as she raised to gun to her head, pointing it at herself. 

“Wh-why would you-,” Luke couldn’t finish that sentence without falling to pieces. His heart was pounding in his chest with fear. 

“Nobody loves me, Luke,” she said in a monotone voice. Tears numbly made their way down her cheeks. Luke’s throat suddenly became tight and unable to speak. 

“No one will care.” Luke stared at his teenage sister trying to understand her pain. He wanted to help her but he couldn’t find it within himself to move. He felt his heart breaking into pieces with each passing second. 

“I’ll care,” Luke choked out. She looked up, glancing at him with so much despair and hurt written all over her. 

“But that’s not enough,” she said her voice sounding like glass. Her eyes were shut close. she looked so scared and absolutely terrified. 

“Nichelle, no!” But it was too late. Nichelle had pressed the trigger and now there was a hole in her beautiful face. Luke became a sobbing mess on the floor, his legs feeling like jelly unable to make his way over to her. He just stared at her lifeless body in shock and despair. Within a few minutes but what felt like hours to Luke, the door opened. Jack and Ben came in the front door unable to see the life changing scene in the dining room. 

“Luke, Nichelle!” they called out. But Luke couldn’t hear a word. He was curled up into a ball, weeping. Jack and Ben entered the room, led there by Luke’s crys. Both boys froze when they saw Nichelle lying lifeless on the floor with a gun in her hands, pointing at her head which had a gauging hole through it. Jack called 911 while Ben tried to calm Luke down. Eventually, Luke stopped crying. He and Ben sat in the corner of the dining room as he watched medics take his sister away in a bodybag. Once Luke was done with answering questions from the police, he ran from his house. He hopped on his bike, pedaling through the streets, getting drenched in rain. He stopped at the forest, where he let his bike fall to the ground. He ran through the forest, slowing his steps. With every step he could hear Nichelle’s voice as well as the sound of a gun going off. Tears poured down his face but he couldn’t tell them apart from the soaking rain that continued to pour down on him. He made his way to the tree house, climbing up the ladder. When he reached the top he pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his head into them, sobbing. Every time Luke closed his eyes, he saw Nichelle’s lifeless body with a black hole in her head. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, probably hours. The rain never lit up once. He had blocked out the world around him and just wept and wept. He didn’t even notice when someone joined him in the tree house. 

“Luke,” Ashton rasped out in a soft voice. Luke hesitantly looked up, seeing Ashton inundate with rain. Ashton went over to the boy, hugging him tight, letting Luke cry into his arms. They pulled away just a bit, so they were able to look into each other’s eyes. 

“I heard what happened,” Ashton said looking into Luke’s broken eyes. 

“H-how’d you know I’d be here?” Luke asked. He was shivering from the cold rain and fright. Ashton took his sweatshirt off, wrapping it around Luke’s shoulders. 

“You always come here when something bad happens,” he reminded Luke as he rubbed the boy’s freezing arms in hopes of warming him up. Neither of them spoke another word. There wasn’t a right thing to say in that moment. Instead, they just held onto each other like their lives depended on it. And in a way they did.


	47. I'll Stay With You For All Of Time

_“I know now, just quite how_

_My life and love might still go on_

_In your heart, in your mind_

_I'll stay with you for all of time_

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go”_

_\- The Calling (Whenever You Will Go)_

Once Ashton’s parents arrived home, he ran up to his room, searching up stuff on his computer. He googled, music colleges in London. And sure enough, there were plenty of great music colleges. He knew it would be very unlikely for colleges to still take admissions this late, but he sent his application to several of them with an essay at the end explaining why his admission was so late. He hoped that at least one of them would let him in. 

Ashton drove to the forest. It had finally stopped raining. He hadn’t been there since the breakup. The forest seemed different to him but he just couldn’t his finger on how until he reached the treehouse or more of where the treehouse should of been. The tree that used to hold the treehouse up laid on the ground broken into two pieces, with a large black streak through it which was probably left from when the lightning struck it down. The treehouse itself was in ruins on the ground. Ashton stared at the remnants of their hideout. He suddenly came upon the perfect idea to win Luke back. He called Harry up, who brought a few of his friends along to help him. 

“What exactly did you call us here to do?” Harry asked. About ten other boys stood around Ashton. 

“Well, you see that broken down treehouse?” Ashton said pointing to the broken tree. They nodded their heads, still unsure of the task at hand. 

“Well, we need to rebuild it,” he told them sounding determined. The group stared at him wide eyed. 

“And how the hell are we going to do that?” Louis asked. So Ashton and the group of boys spent the day getting supplies to build a new treehouse and scouted out to find a tree suited for it. They found a tree over by the cliff that overlooked the ocean. It seemed perfect to Ashton. The next day they spent constructing the tree house. It took them all day and even a few minor injuries. Harry and Ashton worked on cutting out windows and doors on the inside while the rest worked on making a ladder. 

“So, you’re doing this all to win Luke back?” Harry asked with a hint of admiration in his voice. 

“Y-yeah,” Ashton said in a nervous voice. 

“You know that he would probably take you back even without a big gesture.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“It’s romantic though, I’d die to have someone love me as much as you love him.” 

“You still haven’t told Louis yet, have you?” Ashton questioned already knowing the answer. 

“No, what’s the point of telling him. I already know what he’s going to say,” Harry told him with a hopeless expression. 

“No, you don’t. You have to tell him before he leaves for college. Otherwise, you’re always going to have those ‘what if’ scenarios in your head.” Harry nodded, knowing Ashton’s right. Once the treehouse was finished, Ashton raced home to check his email to see if any of the colleges responded. As expected, most of them sent him emails that stated it was too late to apply. But there was one that didn’t. Royal College of Music. Ashton’s eyes skimmed the email, anxiety running through his veins. He had gotten in. And the college was less than two hours away from Cambridge. He sent Luke a text, asking to meet him in the forest at noon the next day. 

Luke was in the middle of the final episode of season four of One Tree Hill when he got the text from Ashton. A smile grew upon his face, his insides screaming, butterflies filling his stomach. He quickly replied he would be there. He didn’t want to get his hopes up but at the same time he couldn’t help not to. Luke was excited and scared all at the same time. He couldn’t sleep at all that night. He spent the whole morning trying to pick out the perfect outfit. In the end, he picked out a white v-neck with a red flannel over it which Ashton had told him was his favorite and ripped black skinny jeans. 

“Whoa, what is this? Is Luke Hemmings actually leaving the house for the first time in a month?” Jack asked, a smile playing on his lips. 

“Yeah,” Luke said, not being able to stop the smile from forming onto his face. 

“And who has finally convinced you to leave the house?” 

“Ashton, he wants to meet me.” 

“Well, good luck,” his brother told him with a smile, glad to see Luke happy again. 

Luke hopped in the car, jamming out to All Time Low’s newest single, Something’s Gotta Give. He knew the way to the forest by heart now. It was a sunny day and wasn’t too hot nor too cold. It was the perfect day. When Luke arrived there, Ashton’s car was already parked in the dirt road. He couldn't spot Ashton though. There was a trial of rose petals leading through the forest. Luke smiled wider than the sun as he followed the trial. He followed it past the broken down treehouse and all the way to the end of the forest. His mouth gaped open when he saw the newly built tree house on which had Luke and Ashton’s initials spray painted on it in a heart. Ashton stood in front of the treehouse smiling wide. He had on a Blink-182 shirt and his usual ripped black skinny jeans. He held a bouquet of roses in his hands. 

“Did you build this?” Luke asked referring to the treehouse. He made his way over to the boy he’d been longing to see. 

“Yes, I had some help though.” 

“It’s incredible,” Luke spoke, awed. 

“Luke, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said that day. I was scared of the future and I pushed you away when I shouldn’t of have. Truth is, you mean everything to me. I don’t see a future without you. My life isn’t worth living without you in it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ashton paused before going on. 

“I uh, I applied to a music college in London, and I got in. It’s less than two hours away from Cambridge.” 

“Ash, I don’t want you to give up Auckland for me.” 

“If it’s between you or Auckland, I’m always going to choose you. I’m always going to chose you. I’m in love with you, Luke Hemmings. And frankly, I think I would do anything and everything for you, which can’t be good nor healthy. But I don’t care. I have never been more happy than when I’m with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Grow old with you by my side. I can’t even imagine the future without you. So, um.” Ashton’s voice was beginning to shake and tears were gathering in his eyes. He pulled out a small box from his pocket, getting down on one knee. Luke just stared at him in disbelief. 

“I will never stop loving you, nothing in the world would make me love you less. So, Luke Hemmings, will you marry me?” he asked, his hands tremulous. Tears poured down both their faces. Luke just stared at him dumbstruck. Finally, he found the strength to respond. 

“Yes, yes,” he told the boy, a smile danced upon both their faces. Ashton slid the silver ring onto Luke’s finger then kissed his lips being reminded of how much he was in love with this boy.


	48. Give a Little Time to Me Or Burn This Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. i probably wont post the next chapter until next week since I'll be in florida. make sure you listen to give me love by ed sheeran while reading.  
> prepare for drama and maybe some tears...

_“Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,”_

_\- Ed Sheeran (Give Me Love)_

Luke stared blankly at the suit in front of him. It was the night of prom. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been dreaming of this day since he watched his older brothers go off to prom. He always pictured himself taking a real pretty girl with long brown hair who’d wear a flowy blue dress and he’d get her a corsage and wear a blue tie to match her dress. But his prom was very, very different than what he pictured all those years. His date wouldn’t be wearing a dress nor was his date a girl. Instead, his date was his finance, Ashton Irwin. God, he loved saying that, finance. He had told his brothers of the engagement when he got back from meeting up with Ashton, they were thrilled for him. He still hadn’t told his parents but they were the ones who hadn’t even noticed the expensive silver ring Luke never dared to take off on his ring finger. 

“Are you just going to stare at that thing all night or are you actually going to put it on?” Jack joked as he entered the room. Luke looked over at him. 

“I remember my prom,” Jack said with a smile. “I took my girlfriend at the time, Rachel. I was the worst dancer ever. I probably stepped on her shoes at least 50 times by the end of the night.” Both brothers chuckled. 

“Despite the horrible dance moves, it was probably one of the most memorable moments of my life. I remember thinking to myself, this is your last chance to be a kid again, this is your last chance to be in a room filled with your classmates.” Jack smiled wide at the memory. Luke’s eye traveled back to his black suit. The usual prom night butterflies fluttered in his stomach. His brother soon left his room, leaving Luke alone to get ready. He slipped his suit on that he had brought just the other day for the special occasion. He hadn’t worn a suit in years. In fact the last time he wore a suit was to Nichelle’s funeral. But there would be no crying tonight, no sadness, no tears. It would be a night for the books. A night he’d hope to be able to share with his children one day. A day he’d look back on for years to come and smile fondly at the memory. There was a knock at the door, waking Luke from his thoughts. He made his way down the stairs, to the front door, where Ashton stood in a suit. His hair was curly and loose without his usual bandana to hold his curls captive. A smile was spiraled across both boys’ faces. Ashton took Luke’s hand into his, lacing their fingers together. When they opened the door, there was a limo. They entered the limo to find Harry and some more of their friends, including Louis and his girlfriend. 

The ride to the school was short but filled with excited chatter. The school parking lot was filled with all different kinds of limos. Everything from old fashioned white limos to bright pink glow in the dark limos. The theme of the prom was none other than starry night. The school gym was decorated with silver stars that hung from the ceiling, lighting up the room. There were tables set around the dance floor, where there was a large group of dancing students. The DJ was set up in the back, alternating between recent hits and old classics such as Time After Time and Thriller and who could forget Burnin’ Up by the Jonas Brothers, not too mention the all too famous song Year 3000 by Busted. Their group made their way over to the dance floor. Dancing to the fast upbeat songs, not caring who was watching or how bad their dance moves were. Ashton went over to go get drinks with Harry. 

“Have you two started making plans for the wedding?” Harry asked as he poured himself some punch. 

“Not really. It’ll probably be around winter break, that way it can be back here so our friends and family can attend.” 

“You still haven’t told Lou, have you?” Ashton asked. Harry just shook his head. 

“Tell him now or you’ll never know how he feels.” 

The DJ turned on a slow song. Ashton excused himself, making his way to Luke, asking him to dance. They swayed back and forth to the beat of the music. It was none other than Elvis’ classic Can’t Help Falling in Love. The very song they danced to on their first date. Luke smiled wide at the memory. The night couldn’t have been more perfect. Everything was perfect once again in Luke’s life. Sure, his parents weren’t the best and his best friends since preschool were no longer his friends and he had been pushed down numerous of times but here he was, standing tall and proud of who he was and his relationship. So much had happened in that one school year it was crazy to just think about it. How just one year ago, Michael, Calum, Ashton and him had been the best of friends and promised they would be there for each other no matter what. Ashton and Luke had lost so much, their families, their friends, their place, their confidence, but what they gained was well worth the loss. They had learned what it feels like to fall in love and be loved back. A feeling which not a single soul on this planet could dare say they didn’t dream of. They could both die knowing that they were loved and how it felt to be in love. They finally understood why Nicholas Sparks wrote numerous books about such a feeling, why everyone was so afraid of ending up alone, why there were so many movies based off that feeling as well as songs. And that was more than other classmates of theirs could say. 

Harry stood by the punch bowl, staring admirably at Ashton and Luke. His heart longed for what they had. His eyes then shifted to Louis and his girlfriend. Harry could tell just by the way he looked at her, that Louis was in love with her. And that hurt him beyond words. He was in love with Louis, he had been since the age of 15 and frankly he wasn’t sure if he ever would stop loving him. He had to tell him, if he didn’t he would wonder every single day for the rest of his life what could've been had he told him. The DJ played a second slow song. 

“This will be the last song of the night, so grab the one you love and make sure they know you love them.” Harry set his glass down making his way over to Louis as the lyrics to Ed Sheeran’s ballad, Give Me Love echoed throughout the room. His heart pounded in his chest as he tapped on Louis’ shoulder, asking to steal him away. They walked out into the hallway, where they could still hear the music but not as loud. Harry’s hands were tremulous. 

“You okay?” Louis asked him. 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said in a shaky voice. 

“Okay, what is it?” 

“I love you,” Harry told him real fast. 

“I love you too, haz.” 

“No, Lou. I mean I love you like as in more than a friend. As in I’m in love with you and have been since I was 15.” Louis just stared at him, frozen with shock. Suddenly all that could be heard was the chorus of Give Me Love.  >P> “Please say something, anything,” Harry rasped out. Louis stayed where he was, dumbstruck. 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Louis said in a small apologetic voice. Harry was taken aback, he had known this would happen but deep down he had hoped for a happy ending. For Louis to smile wide and kiss him, tell him how he’d been in love with him since the day they met and then they’d live happily ever after. But that didn’t happen. This was reality, the real world. Not everyone gets their happy ending. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in a tough spot. I was stupid to even think you would say it back. I’ll just go now.” With that, Harry ran outside into the now cold air and rain that was pouring down on him. He ran over to the side of the school where he leaned up against the brick walls and let the tears trickle down his face. He knew what it felt like to be in love. But he didn’t know what it felt like to be loved back. And in itself is the most heartbreaking and painful thing in the world, knowing the one you love will never love you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was honestly my favorite chapter to write. the whole thing harry goes through in this chapter, being in love with someone who will always think of you as just a friend is what i went through and am still going through. it's funny timing actually, i just told the person i liked that i like them. i know this is probably not the way you wanted things to pan out when harry confessed to louis but i like to make my stories as realistic as possible, sometimes you get lucky and you fall for someone who will catch you, other times you'll fall straight into a ditch (not literally). still two chapters left of this and i am currently working on a sequel.


	49. I Know You're Fine But What Do I Do?

_“An empty room,_

_I'm empty too_

_And everything reminds me of you_

_So many things_

_I shouldn't have missed_

_The more that I push_

_And the more you resist_

_It's easy to say it's for the best_

_When you want more_

_While you leave me with less_

_I know you're fine, but what do I do?”_

_\- Marianas Trench (Fallout)_

Ashton and Luke took turns throwing food into each others’ mouths and epicly failing. The room filled with laughter and light conversation. There was a knock at the door. Luke hesitantly stood up, walking to the front door. He was surprised of who he found standing outside, Calum and Michael. 

“Who’s at the door?” Ashton asked coming into view of their two old friends. His smile dropped. 

“Wh-what are you guys doing here?” Luke asked beyond confused. Both the boys looked nervous and maybe even a little bit scared. 

“C-can we come in?” Michael asked nervously. Luke nodded, stepping aside. Michael and Calum entered the house. 

“We’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about all that’s happened. We’ve been friends since preschool. We miss you guys and we’re sorry it took us this long to realize that. We should of been there for you, you needed us and we let you down. We’re extremely sorry. And I may not necessary support you two being a couple but we want you both to be happy and if that means being together, then I can accept that,” Michael told them. Ashton and Luke stood astonished. They had figured that it was just the end of the road of their friendship. Sure they secretly hoped for them to make up but they didn’t expect it. 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Luke said. 

“Say you’ll forgive us. We know we hurt you and that things can’t go back to the way they were but we used to be great friends. We just understood and got each other. And I’d hate for all those years of friendship to go to waste. Even with all that’s happened, we still care for you and love you and want the best for you. We’re sorry we couldn’t see that before,” Calum finished his speech. Luke smiled while Ashton remained cautious. 

“You guys really hurt us. You abandoned us in our time of need. We have always been there for both of you, through the good and the bad. And you just turned your backs on us.” Ashton’s wounds from their betrayal had still not healed. Ashton was afraid that if they were to take them back, they’d hurt them again. Luke on the other hand, just wanted his old friends back. He was optimistic and believed every word they said. 

“I forgive you,” Luke said in a small voice. Ashton looked at him, surprised. He didn’t want to forgive them. He was stubborn but at the same time he missed and longed for his old friends. 

“I forgive you too,” Ashton said. Both Michael and Calum smiled wide. 

“Group hug?” With that the four boys huddled together just like old times. When they pulled back, they went over to the kitchen, sitting around the island. 

“So, catch us up, what has been happening in your lives?” Michael asked as he grabbed a bag of chips. 

“Well, I got into Cambridge on a full scholarship.” 

“That’s incredible.” 

“Did you two get accepted into colleges?” Ashton asked. 

“Yeah, I got into University of Sydney,” Calum said. 

“And I got into University of Canterbury in New Zealand.” They caught each other up on all the events they’d missed and played video games just like old times. Calum had broken up with Michelle back in November. Michael had started dating this new girl, Elena. He told them how he loved her and how that was how he realized that love was love no matter who it was shared between. They told them of the engagement. Calum and Michael were happy for them, they even said they would attend the wedding. The weeks drained by fast and before they knew it, it was the night before graduation. They hadn’t spoken to Harry since Prom. He had went overseas to go apartment shopping and only just returned the other night. Ashton called him up and he agreed to met Luke and him at the forest. They now all sat in the treehouse, watching the sunset with a bottle of wine that they passed around. 

“How was apartment hunting?” Ashton asked Harry. 

“Really good. I found a real nice flat right by Oxford.” The conversation remained light and Harry danced around the topic of Louis. It was obvious he was hiding something. 

“Did something happen at prom with Louis?” Ashton finally asked. Harry remained silent. The moon was now out with stars spiraled across the sky. 

“I know something happened. You left the prom early without even saying goodbye. You can tell us.” Harry looked down at the floor, picking at his shoes. 

“What happened?” The memories from that conversation with Louis on Prom night ran through his mind. 

“I told him,” he said in a small, defeated voice. Ashton and Luke knew not to push him. Obviously if he was like this, it didn’t end well. 

“He um, he doesn’t feel the same. He just looked at me wide eyed like I was some freak. I haven’t spoken to him since. He’s been calling me but I’ve been too scared to pick up. I know what he’s going to say when I do. He’ll tell him how I’m a great guy and that he does love me just not the way I love him.” Harry seemed distraught and broken. 

“God, I shouldn’t have told him. I ruined our friendship.” Luke and Ashton stayed silent, unsure what to say to that. 

“And you know what hurts the most?” Tears threatened to escape Harry’s shattered green eyes. 

“The fact that the man I love will never love me back. And I honestly, I don’t know if I’ll stop loving him.” Luke’s heart ached for the green eyed boy.


	50. There's Just No One That Gets Me Like You Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love cannot hide. It cannot be concealed or disguised. It cannot be controlled nor imitated. It's difficult inconvenient at times, but we can't live without it. And even though we don't always see it, it's always there. Full of life and virtue, it speaks without words. It gives without taking. It makes sacrifices but never lets go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter!!!!!

_"Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you_

_You are my only one_

_I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do_

_You are my only, my only one."_

_\- Yellowcard (Only One)_

 

Ashton came down the stairs wearing his cap and gown. It was graduation day. His dad wasn’t up yet and frankly, he wasn’t expecting his parents to come anyway. It felt weird just thinking about it. He lived his whole life in this town, yet soon he would have to leave to. Luke was planning on meeting him there since his brothers were taking him.

Luke and his brothers were about to head out the door when his parents came out of their room. They were dressed rather nice.

“I thought you had work today?” Luke asked, trying his best not to get his hopes up.

“And miss our boy graduate? Listen, son, we’ve been a little hard on you and we haven’t been the best parents but we want you to be happy. And if that means marrying Ashton then we’re going to support you,” his dad explained with remorse evident in his voice. Luke just stared at them dumbfounded. He hadn’t even told them about the engagement.

“H-how-?” Luke’s mom cut him off.

“You didn’t think that we possibly didn’t notice that huge ring on your finger? We’re proud of you,” his mom told him smiling. Luke smiled wider than the sun, then hugged each of his parents.

Ashton arrived at the stadium around the same time as Harry. Harry had his whole family with him. He smiled wide and laughed at things his family said but Ashton could tell it was all a facade.

“Hey, Ash,” Harry called out. They walked into the building together, leaving Harry’s family to go find seats.

“I hate these gowns, they make me feel like I’m wearing a dress,” Ashton commented.

“I’ve always wanted to wear a dress,” Harry remarked causing them both to chuckle. Luke soon joined them, along with Michael and Calum. Ashton was extremely happy for Luke when he told him he made amends with his parents. But he couldn’t help but to be just a tad bit jealous. The graduates took their seats, the ceremony would begin within ten minutes. Ashton kept on looking around, hoping that he would see his parents. But he didn’t and soon the ceremony was beginning. Just as Ashton had given up hope, his eyes spotted his younger siblings along with his parents. A smile emerged on his face.

The ceremony went smoothly and soon, the group was at Katie’s house, having a pool party. Everyone in their senior class went. Music blasted through the speakers as bodies jumped in and out of the pool, danced on the porch, ate numerous food, got high and made out. Ashton left Luke to go grab some drinks. Katie was standing by the drink table, pouring herself some punch.

“So we’re officially no longer high school students,” Ashton said with a smile to her. She turned smiling at him. She looked genuinely happy.

“I guess so, you going to college?”

“Yeah, I got into the Royal College of Music in London.”

“Ashton, that’s great!” she exclaimed.

“What about you? Are you going to college?”

“Yeah, I got into Yale.”

“Wow, that’s incredible. I should go take these drinks back to Luke. Good luck at college, I wish you nothing but the best,” Ashton told her heading off.

“You too.”

Ashton made his way back to Luke. He handed him his drink.

“Let’s go in the water,” Luke suggested. With that, they jumped into the water holding hands. Luke swam over to him, backing him up against the side of the pool. And then Luke kissed him. And it felt different and new and familiar all at the same time. Ashton kissed back, deepening the kiss, tracing his tongue along Luke’s lips, asking for entrance which he happily granted. Their tongues danced together in harmony. Luke picked Ashton up, letting him wrap his legs around his waist. Ashton’s hands were tangled in the boy’s hair while Luke’s held him up. There were sparks and fireworks and passion, so much passion, not to mention love. They heard a few people shout at them to get a room which they did.

“Let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered suggestively. Ashton nodded eagerly. Luke got up, still holding onto the boy, carrying him out of the pool. Ashton giggled, throwing his head back.

“You know I can walk right?”

“Yeah, I do. I just like carrying you,” Luke said stopping for a moment to smile at him. They made it into a bedroom, their lips immediately attacking each other once inside the locked room. Ashton was pressed up against the door as they snogged the life out of each other. Luke’s lips left Ashton’s, kissing down his neck, making the boy moan out loudly. Ashton threw his head to the side, giving him more easy access. Luke’s lips attached themselves to his collarbone, assuring to leave a mark. Both boys were already growing hard. Once satisfied with the purple bruise on Ashton, Luke kissed his way down the boy’s sun kissed stomach. Usually, Ashton was the one in control but he liked this change. He loved it. When he reached his swim trunks, his blue eyes traveled up to Ashton. He nodded his head, needing and wanting the boy more and more with each second. In one swift movement, Luke un-tied Ashton’s swim trunks, letting them fall to his ankles. His hand began working on his member, going slow at first, then increasing speed. Lusty moans escaped Ashton’s lips, surely loud enough for the whole party to hear them. Luke took him into his mouth, moving him in and out, rotating his tongue around him. Precum was already leaking, Ashton’s knees buckling. Luke pulled his mouth completely off, making the boy whimper with the lack of contact. He bought his face back up to his, reconnecting their lips. Luke carried him over to the bed, where he laid Ashton down first, then positioned himself on top of him. He straddled his hips, letting Ashton pull his shorts off then reconnecting their lips.

“L-luke, I n-need y-you n-now,” he summered out. With that, Luke positioned himself over his entrance and slowly went in. Ashton’s whole body shuddered at first with pain. His eyes closed shut and hands grasping the sheets.

“You okay?” Luke asked, pausing all movement.

“Y-yeah.” With that, Luke began moving faster, steadily increasing speed as he continued to kiss the boy. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of skin hitting skin, heavy breathing, and the boy’s loud moans. Both were really close, feeling like they were on cloud 9, their bodies slowing down, their breathing getting even heavier. They came at the same time, reaching ecstasy, eyes rolling to the back of their heads, collapsing. Luke just stayed there for a while, unable to find the strength to move.

“I love you,” Ashton said in a raspy, wrecked voice. Luke pulled out, repositioning himself so he was lying comfortably on his chest.

“I love you too.”

Harry walked to the side of the house, where there were less people. Only a few guys smoking. He leaned against the brick house. He couldn’t wait to leave town. Every single thing in this town reminded him of Louis and it made him all the more devastated. He just wanted to get as far away from here, from Louis as possible and forget all about him. But, deep down, he knew that wouldn’t happen. He was in love with Louis and no amount of distance nor time would change that.

“Hey,” a voice said, startling him. He looked up to see familiar endless blue pools. He stared at him, unable to find words.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a while,” he started. He looked nervous and sad.

“Why? So you could reject me in person?” Harry snapped. Louis just stared at him for a second.

“No, Har, that’s not what I’m hear to tell you.” Harry’s heart pounded in his chest, almost making it impossible for him to hear.

“Then what?” he asked, trying to force away any and all hope.

“I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“W-why would you do that?” Harry kept on repeating to himself that there was no way in the world that they could ever be together. There was no way that Louis loved him back.

“I don’t love you, Harry. Not the way you love me,” he said with honest and sad blue eyes. Harry’s heart sank in his chest, making him feel like just killing himself right there and then.

“I really wish I did, wish I could love you back but I don’t. You’re a great guy, Harry and trust me, I wish I could be that guys for you. But I just don’t feel that way about you. You deserve-” Harry cut him off already knowing the end to that sentence.

“Don’t. Don’t tell me how I deserve someone way better than you. Don’t tell me how I deserve someone better. ‘Cause Louis, I don’t care what I deserve, I love you. No one else. I fell for you,” he stated trying his best not to cry. Louis just stared at him for a moment, his eyes searching Harry’s. He too looked as if he was on the verge of breaking down.

“Harry, please don’t make me say it,” he said in a weak, broken, shattered voice.

“Say it,” Harry demanded locking eyes with him.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You already have.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you, Har,” he told him, tears now pouring from his eyes.

“Just admit it,” Harry nearly shouted, sobs threatening to escape his throat.

“I didn’t fall for you, Harry! I don’t love you!” Louis screamed. Harry knew that was what he was going to say but for some reason, it hurt him so much more to hear those words. Sobs finally escaped his throat as he sank to the ground. Letting out weeps that shook his whole body.

“Harry, please don’t cry. Please don’t. You’re my best friend, this doesn’t change that,” Louis said leaning down to be face to face with him.

“Yes it does, Lou,” he cried.

“No, it doesn’t we can still hangout and talk about stuff. You’re my best friend, we’re there for each other, no matter what.” He briefly lifted his head to look Louis in the eye.

“Don’t you get it? I can’t just be friends with you. I can’t hangout with you without thinking about how much I love you and want you,” Harry confessed.

“What about this, I give you your time. You go to Oxford and build a life there, find a way to move on and if you ever need me, I’m here. I always will be.” Harry nodded, their eyes meeting once again. Louis felt broken and torn and he wished that he could love Harry and make him happy but he just couldn’t. He placed a kiss in the boy’s curls, then used his thumb to wipe away Harry’s tears. He wasn’t sure what to say to him. So, he just held Harry and let him soak his shirt with tears.

Luke wearily opened his eyes. He traced lines on Ashton’s skin. He smiled up at the sleeping boy. He knew then in that moment that no matter what happened, at the end of the day he would always, always love Ashton. He was the one. And he made him beyond happy. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with the boy he loved. He had everything he ever wanted. His life felt complete and whole. He had a purpose in life, a reason to get out of bed each day, a reason to smile, a person to love who would always love him as much he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the ending:
> 
> for those of you that were hoping Louis and Harry would end up together, I'm sorry but I had to make this story realistic, showing to parallels of love, one where both feels the same and there is a happy ending and one where the feelings are not mutual, and there isn't a happy ending. Not every time you fall in love will the person love you back and that's what the conflict between Louis and Harry is suppose to show. 
> 
> To my lovely readers:
> 
> To all of you that have been reading this story since the start or just starting reading within the last few months, thank you for sticking along for the ride and supporting this story and my writing. You guys are the best. I wrote this story when I was in a dark place and it helped me come to terms with things. 
> 
> Sequel?:
> 
> For those of you wondering if there is going to be a sequel, there is. However, I will not start posting it until June so I have more time to plan out the storyline and all that. In the meantime, I am working on a few new Lashton and Larry stories which should be up shortly. So if you enjoyed this story check out my other stories. 
> 
> Ending note and themes/takeways:  
> I based this story off a famous quote.   
> "It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for something you are not."  
> I wanted to show the struggles of falling in love, coming to terms with who you are and grief.   
> Once again thank you so much for reading and leaving comments and kudos. You have no idea how much your support means to me.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my new lashton story! I'm really excited for this story, ive already prewritten a lot of the chapters. Please tell me what you think of the story so far.


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